Forever Hold Your Peace
I had a dream that you were getting married. I saw the invitation and my heart sunk to the ground. But just for a minute-- just for a moment-- because I almost instantly concluded that all I had to do was stop it. I got into the car and I drove across the country to crash your wedding, iconically like a movie scene, ready to burst in at the moment the minister asks if there's any objections. I don't even think they do that bit anymore. Why did I even think you'd have a minister? But in that dream, at that moment, it was just all that easy to undo all of my mistakes. And I drove across the desert, the red rocks, the cities, the mountains, the cornfields, the lakes // reliving every detail of our time together. I remembered every time you made me laugh, or I made you angry, I remembered the way that you smelled on warm summer nights and the look you'd get in your eyes when I told you I love you. I traveled furiously, and I burst in the ceremony, ready to declare to everyone that you've ever known and haven't, that youuuuuuu were making a silly mistake. That I was the one you should really be with, and to stop this foolishness right now. I stood in the doorway, my chest heaving, trying to catch the breath I'd lost with vehemence, tenacity and rage. And... I saw the way you were looking at her. That look of pure joy on your face... of real love... of a love devoid of exasperation or disappointment. A look of admiration and respect that I had thought you incapable. I knew instantly. You had never looked at me that way. And you never would. So, you didn't know it then, but, that would be the last time I ever saw you. You didn't notice, but I smiled, before I turned and walked away.