Another day
[Photo taken at the Warper Party where I VJ'd last week, Theatre Ste. Catherine, Montreal, QC]
I'm slowly starting to get back into my regular swing - though once again a slow start back into work & action after taking some time off. This weekend was a little less exciting than I had hoped it would be, but I think from all the traveling of the past week my body was starting to finally shut down a bit, crash out and reboot. Possibly too many delicious, fresh baked croissants in Montreal, and too many late nights in between. It was quite a whirlwind.. and I think I'd rather not plan such excessively short trips like that in the future. I love my trips, all of them, but I'm realizing that it does throw my life for a loop when it's so incredibly short that I barely get a chance to stop and breathe in my excitement for being there.
I do have some great memories that are now ingrained into the blend of my three trip synopsis of montreal traveling though. All very different from each other.
The first being with two friends that were halfway crushing on each other and I was the third wheel. The whole time they fought over which restaurants from their guide books that we should visit. The structure of that trip drove me nuts so I drunkenly got my nose pierced to counteract their rigid exploration.
The second being a last minute mish mosh of friends who decided to come out for my cold winter birthday adventure two years ago, made even colder by 10 feet of snow, and trying to find the weird clubs that I wanted to find those nights. Followed by breakfast-making at the hostel apartment and trying to speak french.
And then this last trip, a solo venture into trying to remember french, a VJ show at a little theater downtown, a gorgeous mod hotel and a creepy haunted hotel, mixed with street wandering, music, Afghani food, and portuguese wine, getting to know new friends.. and scheming possibilities of future traveling for collaborative shows.
I feel my life is in a bit of a strange swing at the moment. While I'm constantly excited by the work that I'm doing outside of my day job, I also feel that I don't have enough time or space to breathe into it and maximize what I want to be doing. Something is holding me back right now and I'm not quite sure why I feel that way.
My ideal situation right now would be to have limited hours towards the day job, and maximum hours spent towards producing unique and original visuals for music shows. I'd like to constantly be in a new flux of creating, and in a constant flux of traveling & meeting new people. I want the the traveling to feed the work, and the work to feed the traveling. I'm at this breaking point of NEEDING to get out of my skin. The skin of my current life. The skin of my current location. I've made all sorts of great decisions here and am continuing to see a path flourish in front of me, but I want more and I always want more..
I also don't discount the need for preparation and waiting until the time is right for moving and shaking things up. The economy is where it is, and having a job is golden. I'm using this time with all my might to save money and take care of things that need attention just in case anything changes in my stability. I am stable right now and in a really great place, so I'm not making any bold moves just yet, but they're looming, I can feel them. Like a cat in the bushes that is about to attack it's prey in the clearing. That's what I'm feeling.