Time of Reflection
Today is my 10th anniversary of fanfic writing! I'm still kinda surprised that I've stuck with it for so long, especially since my first ever fic was meant to be a little one-shot. I had hoped to find time to write/post new ficlets today, but things have been crazy busy lately in RL. I did post a new Kirk/McCoy fic here that I loved writing and has been nagging at me to either write a sequel or possibly play with a concept in it that'd be like original fic. I'm now going to do some rambling that will probably not make much sense because I'm going to talk about writing and the last ten years off the top of my head.
My first ever on-line fandom was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I was introduced to 'fandom' and 'fanfic' by a friend the summer of 1999 after I mentioned BTVS and a pairing I wish I'd seen on the show. At the time, I had no idea that people wrote unconventional ships or posted fic/art etc. but she opened my eyes. I was hooked and, by October of that year, season four of BTVS had started and just wasn't satisfying me. I started reading even more fic and got pickier about ships and then, finally, I wrote a short one shot during a third shift at the store I managed when I was forced to go in and cover a no-show employee.
I posted Dreams [OMG. The formatting is awful and I never realized it :/] to like two yahoogroups, back in the days where web archives and yahoogroups were like the only places to really find fanfic. People actually liked it [Gah. I'm not sure why because I sort of sucked at writing good smut and didn't do description well, either!] and wanted more. That story became the basis for Secrets, Surprises, & Eternal Love, a long series that ended up being Willow/Spike/Angel. I can actually remember the first person who ever sent me feedback. Her name was Charitybob, and she ran an archive called Love Bites, I think it was called. She also is the first person who ever asked to archive my fic. So, anyway, I wrote more BTVS fic, mostly Willow/Spike or Willow/Angel, and eventually branching into Willow/Faith and Willow/Others. I remember being whingy and insecure majorly back then and being uncertain if anything I wrote was worth a darn or just utter crap. Apologies to anyone who actually read my stuff back then for how 'does this suck?'-ish I was!
The next stage of my fanfic writing history happened in 2004, when my friend Em North, who wrote beautiful Willow/Spike fic, started to write Harry Potter fic. At the time, I hadn't read a single HP book or even heard about them beyond seeing adverts for a movie or two that looked a little silly. Because it was Em, I read her work in progress for her, though, and sort of fell in love with Hermione in it. I got the books and started playing with BTVS/HP crossovers (A Wizard's Debt is unfinished but is still a favorite idea if I'd been better with HP canon back then). I found the HP fandom and eventually wrote a Lucius gen fic with Lucius/Severus background. Yes, that's the first solely HP fic I ever wrote, which I'm sure surprises anyone bothering to read this. LOL Of course, I then wrote a total PWP Draco/Hermione fic and good reviews led to me writing more. After a while, I fell in love with the concept of Blaise Zabini, who, at that time, wasn't even known to be male or female for sure, and I started branching out from D/Hr.
I spent a few years writing Hermione/Practically Anyone with the casual visit to slash with Draco/Blaise or James/Sirius. I wrote a lot based on challenges from y'all, which helped open me up to even more rare pairs and expanding my horizons. I've even forced myself to write pairings that I really don't like or kinks that somewhat squick me just to see if I can do it and make it a good read. Some of my early HP stuff, like my BTVS stuff, could be a lot better if I'd written it more recently because I've improved in some ways, I think, but I still enjoy everything I've ever written, nearly, for what it meant to me at the time. It might have errors or make me cringe at times, but it's mine, and I can see a progression in my writing as I go through it all.
RPG: In 2005, I was invited to play Hermione at the RPG the_leaky. I, uh, didn't even really know what RPG meant but I fangirled several authors who played there and was convinced to give it a try. That's where I became friends with my florahart [I claim partial ownership of her after all these years and everything we've gone through together, but I can share with others, as needed] and our Charlie & Hermione fell in love at the game. It was a great experience, even with the wank and drama BS that seems to go hand in hand with RPG. I eventually became a Mod there and played there until like 2007, I guess, meeting even more people, some of whom are still good fandom friends. When The Leaky closed, we did stoatshead_hill, where I met my heather11483 [I guess I'll share Heather, too, but she was mine pre-Merlin!] and our Roger & Hermione ended up falling in love and surprising us both. When SHH closed, we opened road_ahead, which only recently closed down. I enjoyed doing the RPG thing, but I'm now retired, though I do co-write a bit here and there in a similar style to RPing.
It's only been a few months since I saw all the squee on my f-list over Star Trek XI and had to watch it just to see what the fuss was over. Let's just say that I was hooked immediately, though I had no plans to actually write in the fandom. I'd seen some of TOS & the older films and even some of STNG when I was younger, but I didn't see myself ever writing it. Then I found the Kink Meme and couldn't resist trying something, since it was all anon. I tried a Spock/Uhura/Kirk first, I believe, then a Spock/Uhura. And, oddly enough, Jim started talking louder than anyone else. And he mostly talked about Bones, even when he was shagging Spock & Uhura. So I gave in and found a prompt that inspired me that was for an option of Kirk/McCoy. I wrote 'Ride' and it felt like coming home, in an odd way. It led to Two Men & a Motorbike then Starship and now more fic for one pairing that I honestly think I've ever written in the last 10 years. My word count for Kirk/McCoy surpasses even Willow/Spike, I'd suspect.
And now here I am. Ten years after that impulsive posting of Dreams. My style has improved, I think, but my main focus is still the same. I love writing about people, about relationships, about how people feel or think and how love affects them. I enjoy exploring dynamics of friendship and romance, of getting into a character's head and hopefully making a reader feel for them. I like writing smutty fluff and complications and happy endings and so many other things. I've written over 1000 fics in three main fandoms (with extremely brief ventures into 3:10 from Yuma, Velvet Goldmine, Heroes, and RPS), been through some wank I wish I'd never had to deal with, met so many amazing people that it boggles my mind, made some friends that extend beyond just a shared fandom or love of a particular character, improved as a writer with each new thing I write, become a lot less whingy and needy for acceptance, developed an attitude of writing for myself & because I love it that I try to keep focused on whenever posting or getting dragged into wanky BS, fallen in love with characters who take up residence in my head even if I don't play with them so much anymore, and just discovered something that I never thought existed with the feelings that fandom gives me. There've been bad times and good times, friendships that have come & gone, readers who have seriously been there nearly from the start and new readers who are just now reading my stuff, and I can't really put into words how much all of you mean to me and what this last decade has meant.
So, thank you. Without you, I wouldn't be celebrating this anniversary at all. While I have reached a point where I write for myself and negativity doesn't make me feel like giving it all up, the reason I post is for other people to read and maybe enjoy it. I like opening dialogues with readers and knowing that someone enjoyed something I wrote. The sort of thing I write isn't for everyone, and that's cool. For everyone who hates it, there might be someone who doesn't, and that's the way the world works. I'd try to list some of my personal favorites or do like a recs list or something but I dunno. That feels weird and 'look at me!' and I honestly don't think I could choose specific stuff outside of maybe like a few longer series that I put a lot of time/energy/emotion into it. If anyone has actually bothered to read all this, I'd be interested to know what you consider favorites, if you read my fic, or even why you like it, if you do. Do you remember the first thing of mine you read? Do I have any 'tells' that usually make you think 'oh, it's Inell' when reading? [I know I like to start sentences with And a lot and tend to do introspect to a point where Flora wants to smack me and don't write so much dialogue, which is funny because my earlier fics were mostly dialogue]
Now that I've rambled and probably sound ridiculous, I should be productive and catch up on reading LJ or watching TV or, oh, update my archive since I haven't even gotten any of my ST fics up there yet *headdesk* If anyone actually made it through all that, you get a virtual cookie. LOL It's just an important date for me, so I like to take time and reflect because I can't imagine what my life would be like without writing fanfic and without all of y'all. ♥♥♥♥♥♥
My first ever on-line fandom was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I was introduced to 'fandom' and 'fanfic' by a friend the summer of 1999 after I mentioned BTVS and a pairing I wish I'd seen on the show. At the time, I had no idea that people wrote unconventional ships or posted fic/art etc. but she opened my eyes. I was hooked and, by October of that year, season four of BTVS had started and just wasn't satisfying me. I started reading even more fic and got pickier about ships and then, finally, I wrote a short one shot during a third shift at the store I managed when I was forced to go in and cover a no-show employee.
I posted Dreams [OMG. The formatting is awful and I never realized it :/] to like two yahoogroups, back in the days where web archives and yahoogroups were like the only places to really find fanfic. People actually liked it [Gah. I'm not sure why because I sort of sucked at writing good smut and didn't do description well, either!] and wanted more. That story became the basis for Secrets, Surprises, & Eternal Love, a long series that ended up being Willow/Spike/Angel. I can actually remember the first person who ever sent me feedback. Her name was Charitybob, and she ran an archive called Love Bites, I think it was called. She also is the first person who ever asked to archive my fic. So, anyway, I wrote more BTVS fic, mostly Willow/Spike or Willow/Angel, and eventually branching into Willow/Faith and Willow/Others. I remember being whingy and insecure majorly back then and being uncertain if anything I wrote was worth a darn or just utter crap. Apologies to anyone who actually read my stuff back then for how 'does this suck?'-ish I was!
The next stage of my fanfic writing history happened in 2004, when my friend Em North, who wrote beautiful Willow/Spike fic, started to write Harry Potter fic. At the time, I hadn't read a single HP book or even heard about them beyond seeing adverts for a movie or two that looked a little silly. Because it was Em, I read her work in progress for her, though, and sort of fell in love with Hermione in it. I got the books and started playing with BTVS/HP crossovers (A Wizard's Debt is unfinished but is still a favorite idea if I'd been better with HP canon back then). I found the HP fandom and eventually wrote a Lucius gen fic with Lucius/Severus background. Yes, that's the first solely HP fic I ever wrote, which I'm sure surprises anyone bothering to read this. LOL Of course, I then wrote a total PWP Draco/Hermione fic and good reviews led to me writing more. After a while, I fell in love with the concept of Blaise Zabini, who, at that time, wasn't even known to be male or female for sure, and I started branching out from D/Hr.
I spent a few years writing Hermione/Practically Anyone with the casual visit to slash with Draco/Blaise or James/Sirius. I wrote a lot based on challenges from y'all, which helped open me up to even more rare pairs and expanding my horizons. I've even forced myself to write pairings that I really don't like or kinks that somewhat squick me just to see if I can do it and make it a good read. Some of my early HP stuff, like my BTVS stuff, could be a lot better if I'd written it more recently because I've improved in some ways, I think, but I still enjoy everything I've ever written, nearly, for what it meant to me at the time. It might have errors or make me cringe at times, but it's mine, and I can see a progression in my writing as I go through it all.
RPG: In 2005, I was invited to play Hermione at the RPG the_leaky. I, uh, didn't even really know what RPG meant but I fangirled several authors who played there and was convinced to give it a try. That's where I became friends with my florahart [I claim partial ownership of her after all these years and everything we've gone through together, but I can share with others, as needed] and our Charlie & Hermione fell in love at the game. It was a great experience, even with the wank and drama BS that seems to go hand in hand with RPG. I eventually became a Mod there and played there until like 2007, I guess, meeting even more people, some of whom are still good fandom friends. When The Leaky closed, we did stoatshead_hill, where I met my heather11483 [I guess I'll share Heather, too, but she was mine pre-Merlin!] and our Roger & Hermione ended up falling in love and surprising us both. When SHH closed, we opened road_ahead, which only recently closed down. I enjoyed doing the RPG thing, but I'm now retired, though I do co-write a bit here and there in a similar style to RPing.
It's only been a few months since I saw all the squee on my f-list over Star Trek XI and had to watch it just to see what the fuss was over. Let's just say that I was hooked immediately, though I had no plans to actually write in the fandom. I'd seen some of TOS & the older films and even some of STNG when I was younger, but I didn't see myself ever writing it. Then I found the Kink Meme and couldn't resist trying something, since it was all anon. I tried a Spock/Uhura/Kirk first, I believe, then a Spock/Uhura. And, oddly enough, Jim started talking louder than anyone else. And he mostly talked about Bones, even when he was shagging Spock & Uhura. So I gave in and found a prompt that inspired me that was for an option of Kirk/McCoy. I wrote 'Ride' and it felt like coming home, in an odd way. It led to Two Men & a Motorbike then Starship and now more fic for one pairing that I honestly think I've ever written in the last 10 years. My word count for Kirk/McCoy surpasses even Willow/Spike, I'd suspect.
And now here I am. Ten years after that impulsive posting of Dreams. My style has improved, I think, but my main focus is still the same. I love writing about people, about relationships, about how people feel or think and how love affects them. I enjoy exploring dynamics of friendship and romance, of getting into a character's head and hopefully making a reader feel for them. I like writing smutty fluff and complications and happy endings and so many other things. I've written over 1000 fics in three main fandoms (with extremely brief ventures into 3:10 from Yuma, Velvet Goldmine, Heroes, and RPS), been through some wank I wish I'd never had to deal with, met so many amazing people that it boggles my mind, made some friends that extend beyond just a shared fandom or love of a particular character, improved as a writer with each new thing I write, become a lot less whingy and needy for acceptance, developed an attitude of writing for myself & because I love it that I try to keep focused on whenever posting or getting dragged into wanky BS, fallen in love with characters who take up residence in my head even if I don't play with them so much anymore, and just discovered something that I never thought existed with the feelings that fandom gives me. There've been bad times and good times, friendships that have come & gone, readers who have seriously been there nearly from the start and new readers who are just now reading my stuff, and I can't really put into words how much all of you mean to me and what this last decade has meant.
So, thank you. Without you, I wouldn't be celebrating this anniversary at all. While I have reached a point where I write for myself and negativity doesn't make me feel like giving it all up, the reason I post is for other people to read and maybe enjoy it. I like opening dialogues with readers and knowing that someone enjoyed something I wrote. The sort of thing I write isn't for everyone, and that's cool. For everyone who hates it, there might be someone who doesn't, and that's the way the world works. I'd try to list some of my personal favorites or do like a recs list or something but I dunno. That feels weird and 'look at me!' and I honestly don't think I could choose specific stuff outside of maybe like a few longer series that I put a lot of time/energy/emotion into it. If anyone has actually bothered to read all this, I'd be interested to know what you consider favorites, if you read my fic, or even why you like it, if you do. Do you remember the first thing of mine you read? Do I have any 'tells' that usually make you think 'oh, it's Inell' when reading? [I know I like to start sentences with And a lot and tend to do introspect to a point where Flora wants to smack me and don't write so much dialogue, which is funny because my earlier fics were mostly dialogue]
Now that I've rambled and probably sound ridiculous, I should be productive and catch up on reading LJ or watching TV or, oh, update my archive since I haven't even gotten any of my ST fics up there yet *headdesk* If anyone actually made it through all that, you get a virtual cookie. LOL It's just an important date for me, so I like to take time and reflect because I can't imagine what my life would be like without writing fanfic and without all of y'all. ♥♥♥♥♥♥