Foggy Nights in Chinatown.
As I walked back to my apartment tonight I found myself caught in a moment. I could see my breathe and as I looked up I was reminded of when I lived in SOMA. There was a public school to my right, a bridge exit that was two stories high, and beyond it tall buildings encased in fog. It reminded me from 2009, living in SF, my walk from the whole hoods to my apartment there. It was this little world I lived in, it was happy and contained. I knew that I lived there to hide there, and part of me never felt like I lived there at all. But I did.
But because I didn't see it that way, part of me looked at the whole situation as something to be ashamed by. I now know, all these years of life experience later that I was wrong. I focused on what bothered me, but ignored what I had achieved. That was my first apartment anywhere. It was in a city I never lived, and while I was there I got involved in Obama for America- I sat on cozy nights looking at the fog incase the city and wonder where in the world I could go, and in those moments felt fear, excitement, and comfort in my momentary surroundings. I spent my days exploring the city and getting my teaching certificate online so I could teach English in Thailand the following year.
But in the moment I never saw it like that, all I saw was that I wasn't ALREADY in Thailand. I only saw what was wrong. Thats why it was nice walking home tonight, looking out on a scene that felt like an evening of my old life in SF and fondly remembering "no, that was good." and also realizing "maybe now is too."
But because I didn't see it that way, part of me looked at the whole situation as something to be ashamed by. I now know, all these years of life experience later that I was wrong. I focused on what bothered me, but ignored what I had achieved. That was my first apartment anywhere. It was in a city I never lived, and while I was there I got involved in Obama for America- I sat on cozy nights looking at the fog incase the city and wonder where in the world I could go, and in those moments felt fear, excitement, and comfort in my momentary surroundings. I spent my days exploring the city and getting my teaching certificate online so I could teach English in Thailand the following year.
But in the moment I never saw it like that, all I saw was that I wasn't ALREADY in Thailand. I only saw what was wrong. Thats why it was nice walking home tonight, looking out on a scene that felt like an evening of my old life in SF and fondly remembering "no, that was good." and also realizing "maybe now is too."