whatever.

[ineedadiversion]

Well maybe the reason I dont tell you anything is because you criticize my every move. You lump failures in with achievements. You downplay my accomplishments and you hype up my weak points. You nag at every single little detail until I just avoid talking to you so I dont have to hear it anymore. You raise your voice louder when I dont respond. You raise your voice louder when I have somethign to say back. You yell at me when I keep quiet and call me opinionless. You yell at me and call me naive and stubborn when I open my mouth. You keep scratching at open wounds because you know I cant stand up for myself. I know this because you dont do it to Ellen, because you'll get a faceful of shit,...but not from me, oh no. I'm the fucking silent child that you cry about because I'm so distant from you. I wonder why that is. I'm over feeling guilty about this, I dont deserve it. You learn your lesson first. See how much I tell you about my life now. I wish I had a mother that I could tell everything to. But its not my fault. You made it this way. Dont get me wrong I appreciate all the things you provide for us as a family. But I wish it felt a little more like familial love then bribery sometimes. Yea I'm cold. Distant. emotionless. I am my fathers daughter I guess. And thats why you hate me for it. And thats why I hate myself for it. I have become everything I hated in him. I wish I had a mom that was as close to me as a best friend like some of my friends do. I wish I was the kind of person that could have a best friend. I hope things can change in our lifetimes. But it seems to be an ancestral legacy that just wont die. Hopefully this entry will warrant editing or deletion in the future. See you on the holidays,

~Your Daughter