Don't Open Your Eyes
You know what sucks? Going shopping for a pair of pants since all of yours mysteriously don't fit anymore and realizing that you've gone from a size two to a size eight. And now you have to buy pants that fit your expanding waist size. I don't know why but this really upsets me. It's driving me crazy. I want to go to the gym and workout non-stop until I'm back to a size two. And I probably will start going to the gym. I have to. I can't be this size and feel comfortable with myself.
Especially when I look at my family and realize this could get out of hand really fast. Kevin doesn't think I'm fat. He keeps reassuring me he doesn't care, but how could he not notice? Size two to a size eight is a large jump. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I almost wish I was pregnant just so that I'd have something to blame this on. But I'm not. And oh god, I don't know what I would do if I were.
Still, I have really bad habits and I'm terrible at trying to break them. I doubt I could eat much healthier than I do. Maybe once I move out and start shopping for my own groceries but my parents never have anything healthy in the house. It's always cookies and cereal with a pound of sugar in it. There are no vegetables or fruits in our house. Period. There never is. Sometimes we have carrots, but mostly everything is canned and I hate canned veggies. It's so frustrating.
Oh well. What can you do? I just look at myself and think, "This isn't me." It's not that I'm fat. I'm not fat. And if I had to, I could live with being this size. But I know I can do better than this and I'm just not comfortable. It's my unhealthy lifestyle. I want to change that. I am so out of shape it's not funny. I can hardly keep up to my boyfriend because he's so fit and I'm so... not. I hate it.
I'm only twenty, I shouldn't feel like I'm old with my cracking joints and being out of breath all the time. I almost want to go back to working at the kennels. I need a more active job - and of course the job I interviewed for is a desk job. Nothing more than sitting at a desk all day and answering phones. Yeah, I better damn well get a gym membership if I get this job, otherwise I don't know what I'll do.
I can't wait until it's warmer. Than I can actually do things like take my dog for walks and horseback ride. I hate winter. I hate it so much, you have no idea. It's the worst time of year. It's dark and depressing, the roads are always icy and there's always a chance you'll fall into a ditch. It's so cold up here that you can't leave the house without fifty layers on and your appendages still want to fall off. I want it to be spring. I want it to be sunny and for there to be bugs and no snow and ice.
But, you don't always get what you wish for. If I had my way, I'd live in California or Florida or Texas. Somewhere perpetually warm. Someplace that when they get snow, it lasts for a day if that and everyone totally freaks out and doesn't know how to drive with only an inch of snow on the ground.
But, I guess I have to live with stinkin' Alberta where everything is always cold all the time. Even now, we're having bizarre weather. It's much warmer than it should be for the season but it's still stupid cold. God, I want to go camping and do warm things.
Especially when I look at my family and realize this could get out of hand really fast. Kevin doesn't think I'm fat. He keeps reassuring me he doesn't care, but how could he not notice? Size two to a size eight is a large jump. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I almost wish I was pregnant just so that I'd have something to blame this on. But I'm not. And oh god, I don't know what I would do if I were.
Still, I have really bad habits and I'm terrible at trying to break them. I doubt I could eat much healthier than I do. Maybe once I move out and start shopping for my own groceries but my parents never have anything healthy in the house. It's always cookies and cereal with a pound of sugar in it. There are no vegetables or fruits in our house. Period. There never is. Sometimes we have carrots, but mostly everything is canned and I hate canned veggies. It's so frustrating.
Oh well. What can you do? I just look at myself and think, "This isn't me." It's not that I'm fat. I'm not fat. And if I had to, I could live with being this size. But I know I can do better than this and I'm just not comfortable. It's my unhealthy lifestyle. I want to change that. I am so out of shape it's not funny. I can hardly keep up to my boyfriend because he's so fit and I'm so... not. I hate it.
I'm only twenty, I shouldn't feel like I'm old with my cracking joints and being out of breath all the time. I almost want to go back to working at the kennels. I need a more active job - and of course the job I interviewed for is a desk job. Nothing more than sitting at a desk all day and answering phones. Yeah, I better damn well get a gym membership if I get this job, otherwise I don't know what I'll do.
I can't wait until it's warmer. Than I can actually do things like take my dog for walks and horseback ride. I hate winter. I hate it so much, you have no idea. It's the worst time of year. It's dark and depressing, the roads are always icy and there's always a chance you'll fall into a ditch. It's so cold up here that you can't leave the house without fifty layers on and your appendages still want to fall off. I want it to be spring. I want it to be sunny and for there to be bugs and no snow and ice.
But, you don't always get what you wish for. If I had my way, I'd live in California or Florida or Texas. Somewhere perpetually warm. Someplace that when they get snow, it lasts for a day if that and everyone totally freaks out and doesn't know how to drive with only an inch of snow on the ground.
But, I guess I have to live with stinkin' Alberta where everything is always cold all the time. Even now, we're having bizarre weather. It's much warmer than it should be for the season but it's still stupid cold. God, I want to go camping and do warm things.