(no subject)
I'm feeling much, much better. Well, in mind anyway. Body is going downhill, I don't know why.
I haven't been able to eat anything. Like, right now? I'm goddamn starving. Seriously. I can FEEL myself wasting away. But I can't even look at food without wanting to vomit. Everyone was getting angry because I couldn't eat and I'm like, "DO YOU WANT ME TO THROW UP ALL OVER THE PLACE?" And then this morning I felt like I was going to pass out because of the no food plus no sleep thing.
The no sleep thing has no relation to the no food thing. It has a direct relation to boys. But um, yeah. Kevin and I have this habit of not coming home until LATE even though we both work in the morning. Not smart.
Stupid boys.
But I think I made the right decision. It makes me so nervous and scared to start a relationship since I've never been in a real one. I want to run away, but at the same time, I know that would be a horrible mistake. I mean, I'm so happy with the choice I made, but I have this weird feeling, like I'm too happy for it to last and something horrible will happen, so I want to cut it off before I get hurt even more.
So far it's been worth all the pain so far, but it can't last forever, right? Nothing does. And I guess it's the idea of being abandoned that scares me. And, you know, the commitment thing. GAH, I dunno, I'm so confused.
But I'm really, REALLY happy right now. Like, to the point where I can't stop smiling. Or THINKING about it, GOD. It's so annoying. I want to think about something else or talk about something else, but there has not been a moment in the day when I'm not thinking about everything that's happened.
I definitely don't think it's love, but Kevin definitely has a good part of my heart right now.
Stupid boys.
Now, I gotta convince the parents to let me stay over at his house for May long weekend. He's picking me up on Sunday and then we're going to go out on Monday, but it just seems stupid for him to pick me up, drive me home, pick me up, drive me home, then drive home himself. But the idea of staying at his place kind of makes me nervous, too.
Aaaand, this is why I can't eat.
I haven't been able to eat anything. Like, right now? I'm goddamn starving. Seriously. I can FEEL myself wasting away. But I can't even look at food without wanting to vomit. Everyone was getting angry because I couldn't eat and I'm like, "DO YOU WANT ME TO THROW UP ALL OVER THE PLACE?" And then this morning I felt like I was going to pass out because of the no food plus no sleep thing.
The no sleep thing has no relation to the no food thing. It has a direct relation to boys. But um, yeah. Kevin and I have this habit of not coming home until LATE even though we both work in the morning. Not smart.
Stupid boys.
But I think I made the right decision. It makes me so nervous and scared to start a relationship since I've never been in a real one. I want to run away, but at the same time, I know that would be a horrible mistake. I mean, I'm so happy with the choice I made, but I have this weird feeling, like I'm too happy for it to last and something horrible will happen, so I want to cut it off before I get hurt even more.
So far it's been worth all the pain so far, but it can't last forever, right? Nothing does. And I guess it's the idea of being abandoned that scares me. And, you know, the commitment thing. GAH, I dunno, I'm so confused.
But I'm really, REALLY happy right now. Like, to the point where I can't stop smiling. Or THINKING about it, GOD. It's so annoying. I want to think about something else or talk about something else, but there has not been a moment in the day when I'm not thinking about everything that's happened.
I definitely don't think it's love, but Kevin definitely has a good part of my heart right now.
Stupid boys.
Now, I gotta convince the parents to let me stay over at his house for May long weekend. He's picking me up on Sunday and then we're going to go out on Monday, but it just seems stupid for him to pick me up, drive me home, pick me up, drive me home, then drive home himself. But the idea of staying at his place kind of makes me nervous, too.
Aaaand, this is why I can't eat.