Back.
Back. In Boston. The first couple of days were surreal, like the nightmares I used to have about last minute returns to the Marshall Islands or imaginary countries, for which I was always unprepared and immediately regretted. I have yet to have a panic attack though, so that's something. It's weird walking around the campus, having such vivid memories of terrible emotions but not feeling strongly connected to those memories. I'm grateful I haven't slipped back in to the Sarah who was here before, but I feel disjointed. I haven't found a place for the new me. I don't particularly want to socialize with my peers. I don't really care about the law student gossip. I know I'm not going corporate, so I don't care about 90% of the events. I used to want to do well so I could get a good job and have all the great adventures I imagined I'd have as a self-sufficient, independent lady lawyer. Now all I want to do is pay my dues and get the hell out of Dodge. Worse, I badly want to be back in Oregon, near my family, friends and boyfriend. I actually want something concrete in the long term. It's a novel burden.