A year ago today.......
What a day to remember...today is my sister's 30th birthday and.....a year ago today my dad passed away.
Who would have thought that at this time a year ago I would be sitting at my dad's nursing home trying to be optimistic. After all he had been making so much progress, he was happy, eating, talking, taking his meds. Why should I be thinking that just cause he was sleeping all day that day that would be the last day he slept? Why was that day supposed to be any different. My mom, aunt and I had spent the day sitting by his bedside, talking and finally at one point decided to go and get some dinner. We headed to Peppers in downtown got it to go and came back. We ate and cleaned up. I remember talking to my mom about something, being me and trying to lighten the mood talking about something funny, we were laughing. Midsentence my mom looked at my dad and put her hands on his chest and called to him "Ron, Ron? Can you hear me?" He started to make a gasping sound. The mood was had gone from high to low in split second. I started to cry as my mom told him it was ok to let go........and I cried and cried. I got to talk to talk to my dad before we had to leave. I told him I loved him and would always look out for my mom as he had looked out for us......
I cried the other day about it. Not much. Didn't want to cause a scene...I was at work and was reading a blog my cousin's wife wrote about her own mom that had passed away 3 years ago. She's married now and they have a baby and I started to get misty eyed......it made me think of my dad and how he won't be here to see me on my special day, walking me down the isle. Kiss my check and tell me how beautiful I am. He wasn't able to see Lane walk or talk before he passed. He would have been so proud and so excited to watch that little man grow. I can't take my dad his favorite goodies anymore (a bowl of watermelon, plate of cookies, a box of chocolate covered cherries), we can't watch Nascar together, he wasn't able to see the Seahawks go to the Superbowl (he was a Seahawk fanatic!), I can't talk to him anymore about how things are going or make him laugh at the situation that took him from his family. We can't tease and pick on my mom together anymore, or make fun of eachother, like when I was pregnant "what'd you do? Swallow a watermelon seed?" I miss him so much it hurts deep within my heart and soul. Anytime I hear Garth Brooks on the radio I want to pull over and scream and slam my fist into the steering wheel. Its not fair, its not fair at all...........
...I love you and miss you daddy-o, my poppa bear. There is not a day I don't think of you and wish you were here with me.....
Ron and Myndi - July 1985
Who would have thought that at this time a year ago I would be sitting at my dad's nursing home trying to be optimistic. After all he had been making so much progress, he was happy, eating, talking, taking his meds. Why should I be thinking that just cause he was sleeping all day that day that would be the last day he slept? Why was that day supposed to be any different. My mom, aunt and I had spent the day sitting by his bedside, talking and finally at one point decided to go and get some dinner. We headed to Peppers in downtown got it to go and came back. We ate and cleaned up. I remember talking to my mom about something, being me and trying to lighten the mood talking about something funny, we were laughing. Midsentence my mom looked at my dad and put her hands on his chest and called to him "Ron, Ron? Can you hear me?" He started to make a gasping sound. The mood was had gone from high to low in split second. I started to cry as my mom told him it was ok to let go........and I cried and cried. I got to talk to talk to my dad before we had to leave. I told him I loved him and would always look out for my mom as he had looked out for us......
I cried the other day about it. Not much. Didn't want to cause a scene...I was at work and was reading a blog my cousin's wife wrote about her own mom that had passed away 3 years ago. She's married now and they have a baby and I started to get misty eyed......it made me think of my dad and how he won't be here to see me on my special day, walking me down the isle. Kiss my check and tell me how beautiful I am. He wasn't able to see Lane walk or talk before he passed. He would have been so proud and so excited to watch that little man grow. I can't take my dad his favorite goodies anymore (a bowl of watermelon, plate of cookies, a box of chocolate covered cherries), we can't watch Nascar together, he wasn't able to see the Seahawks go to the Superbowl (he was a Seahawk fanatic!), I can't talk to him anymore about how things are going or make him laugh at the situation that took him from his family. We can't tease and pick on my mom together anymore, or make fun of eachother, like when I was pregnant "what'd you do? Swallow a watermelon seed?" I miss him so much it hurts deep within my heart and soul. Anytime I hear Garth Brooks on the radio I want to pull over and scream and slam my fist into the steering wheel. Its not fair, its not fair at all...........
...I love you and miss you daddy-o, my poppa bear. There is not a day I don't think of you and wish you were here with me.....
Ron and Myndi - July 1985