Seasons.
I would like to start out this blog with the suggested writers block comment or even what Kasia did. 10 things I am thankful for.
10.Autumn leaves and warm breezes
9.Culture
8.Traveling
7.Photography
6.Love
5.Boba Tea! and Slurpees!
4.Awesome organic foods!
3.Mike and Matthew (close friends also apply here as well as the rents)
2.Music.
1.Being Alive!
As the last remaining leaves fall of the trees and the lasting warm breezes of fall come to an end.. I have been thinking and feeling a lot in the season of change. The other day I was happy for a moment while I was walking around the apartment premises and having the leaves crackle and crunch under my feet. I soaked in the sun and culture that surrounded me. I am truly in awe of working at the apartments sometimes... I enjoy that job and it feels rewarding and warm at times. Granted there is usually bad where there is good but for the most part good. But as I walk around and view rabbits every where... I feel like I drift off to a different place. A place in a city with Matthew... As corney as this sounds but, I can see us going out dancing or just a day at the beach or even snuggling in front of a fireplace with a warm blanket around us. I love daydreaming like that... or even of us moving to Seattle where it's green and beautiful. I am truly happy and thankful I have found someone who can put up with my shinnanigins... and not really put up with more like it just comes to him with ease. I am still stubborn in my own ways though and I put up a fight with him. I find myself feeling frustrated sometimes..and I take it out on him and vise versa... i wish there was an easier way to mellow that calm.
Anyways... Autumn is one of my favorite seasons... I love the color and feel of it all! Especially when it first starts. But now the season is slowly dying and EVERYONE is now placing x-mas decor outside way before it is really time... Winter feels like it takes to long..meaning it comes quick and stays long... A little to long for me. Moving to Seattle during winter made it not feel as bad. I rather enjoyed winter out there I wasn't depressed. Personally I get more depressed here in the cold and snow apposed to the green and the rain.
I am slowly feeling more and more depressed.. I feel as it might be drama at work. Working at Graner music gets under my skin... But it is so odd... I love music and love when people play the Pianos or Guitars but I HATE the sheet music part of it. The management of that place is amazingly th suck... It lacks and nobody seems to care. I work my ass off to turn that department around and I don't seem to feel like I get anywhere with the constant bad mouthing and talking behind my back (but heres the kicker! I can hear them!) The pow wow once a week to talk shit about the department.. But in all in all isn't the sheet music department part of the store to and there for you are bashing on the whole company? Honestly.. Mel the owner and Renee are whats is really keeping me there. Mel keeps me sane and calms me down and I don't want to screw Renee. Blah! The customers mouthing off at me...I can take that. The co-workers... A little much.
I have to much drama there as well as the Underground. I am pretty much sure I am going to give up DJing to Rick and have him do whatever it is he wants to do with the night. I am just happier away from that place in all reality. Don't get me wrong I love playing music for people but when drama comes in and just starts bringing you down.. I have had enough. I will be talking to Brent and Tyler about it sometime this coming up week. So we shall see. All I know is something has to be done.
These last 2 weeks have made my body both exhausted and sore. I am certain that my period will be late due to stress and anxiety I have been having. Pierre's friend.. someone I met a couple times.... Died of a heart attack... and not just one but 3... He was only 23. That makes me sad to hear... He didn't stop there... Oh No.. another friend of his someone I have hung out with and invited over my house a couple times... he was diagnosed with AIDS. I started to feel my stomach churn and I couldn't help but tear up. He's only 23 also. At least there is ways to prolong it but still. Then Saturday morning I get a call from Gwen... you can feel and hear that hurt that came out of her cry when she told me of David's death. He shot himself in the head and the viewing is tomorrow and his funeral is on Friday. How selfish and selfless... I remember having a conversation with him the other day just talking about how since his divorce he was doing better and moving on and he planned on moving to Seattle and manage a club up there... Instead he didn't make it and now a lot of people suffer worse because death is so final and he's not there to share in their lives. I hate it when my friends suffer. Gwen... that was her first real love since high school... she hasn't even fully gotten over him and now this. I don't want to go to the viewing tomorrow. I don't want to remember him with a bullet through his head or as a dead jerk.
I think I have said all I need to say for now. Talking about death kind of just killed my mood to write anyways.. but I suppose it's appropriate to end on. But life is worth so much more then a final end. With life as cruel as it maybe at times... at least you can change your future and make something great.. and hell if you don't like it change it up till your happy with it.. Not with death.
10.Autumn leaves and warm breezes
9.Culture
8.Traveling
7.Photography
6.Love
5.Boba Tea! and Slurpees!
4.Awesome organic foods!
3.Mike and Matthew (close friends also apply here as well as the rents)
2.Music.
1.Being Alive!
As the last remaining leaves fall of the trees and the lasting warm breezes of fall come to an end.. I have been thinking and feeling a lot in the season of change. The other day I was happy for a moment while I was walking around the apartment premises and having the leaves crackle and crunch under my feet. I soaked in the sun and culture that surrounded me. I am truly in awe of working at the apartments sometimes... I enjoy that job and it feels rewarding and warm at times. Granted there is usually bad where there is good but for the most part good. But as I walk around and view rabbits every where... I feel like I drift off to a different place. A place in a city with Matthew... As corney as this sounds but, I can see us going out dancing or just a day at the beach or even snuggling in front of a fireplace with a warm blanket around us. I love daydreaming like that... or even of us moving to Seattle where it's green and beautiful. I am truly happy and thankful I have found someone who can put up with my shinnanigins... and not really put up with more like it just comes to him with ease. I am still stubborn in my own ways though and I put up a fight with him. I find myself feeling frustrated sometimes..and I take it out on him and vise versa... i wish there was an easier way to mellow that calm.
Anyways... Autumn is one of my favorite seasons... I love the color and feel of it all! Especially when it first starts. But now the season is slowly dying and EVERYONE is now placing x-mas decor outside way before it is really time... Winter feels like it takes to long..meaning it comes quick and stays long... A little to long for me. Moving to Seattle during winter made it not feel as bad. I rather enjoyed winter out there I wasn't depressed. Personally I get more depressed here in the cold and snow apposed to the green and the rain.
I am slowly feeling more and more depressed.. I feel as it might be drama at work. Working at Graner music gets under my skin... But it is so odd... I love music and love when people play the Pianos or Guitars but I HATE the sheet music part of it. The management of that place is amazingly th suck... It lacks and nobody seems to care. I work my ass off to turn that department around and I don't seem to feel like I get anywhere with the constant bad mouthing and talking behind my back (but heres the kicker! I can hear them!) The pow wow once a week to talk shit about the department.. But in all in all isn't the sheet music department part of the store to and there for you are bashing on the whole company? Honestly.. Mel the owner and Renee are whats is really keeping me there. Mel keeps me sane and calms me down and I don't want to screw Renee. Blah! The customers mouthing off at me...I can take that. The co-workers... A little much.
I have to much drama there as well as the Underground. I am pretty much sure I am going to give up DJing to Rick and have him do whatever it is he wants to do with the night. I am just happier away from that place in all reality. Don't get me wrong I love playing music for people but when drama comes in and just starts bringing you down.. I have had enough. I will be talking to Brent and Tyler about it sometime this coming up week. So we shall see. All I know is something has to be done.
These last 2 weeks have made my body both exhausted and sore. I am certain that my period will be late due to stress and anxiety I have been having. Pierre's friend.. someone I met a couple times.... Died of a heart attack... and not just one but 3... He was only 23. That makes me sad to hear... He didn't stop there... Oh No.. another friend of his someone I have hung out with and invited over my house a couple times... he was diagnosed with AIDS. I started to feel my stomach churn and I couldn't help but tear up. He's only 23 also. At least there is ways to prolong it but still. Then Saturday morning I get a call from Gwen... you can feel and hear that hurt that came out of her cry when she told me of David's death. He shot himself in the head and the viewing is tomorrow and his funeral is on Friday. How selfish and selfless... I remember having a conversation with him the other day just talking about how since his divorce he was doing better and moving on and he planned on moving to Seattle and manage a club up there... Instead he didn't make it and now a lot of people suffer worse because death is so final and he's not there to share in their lives. I hate it when my friends suffer. Gwen... that was her first real love since high school... she hasn't even fully gotten over him and now this. I don't want to go to the viewing tomorrow. I don't want to remember him with a bullet through his head or as a dead jerk.
I think I have said all I need to say for now. Talking about death kind of just killed my mood to write anyways.. but I suppose it's appropriate to end on. But life is worth so much more then a final end. With life as cruel as it maybe at times... at least you can change your future and make something great.. and hell if you don't like it change it up till your happy with it.. Not with death.