im living in your letters...
so i quit taking my medicine for about a week and i became completely miserable. so i started taking it again. and in the midst of sitting on my bed with the bottle in my hand, contemplating if i should take my meds again, i started thinking...
i need to let him go. i mean, not totally and literally, i'm thinking more along the lines of starting to trust him... at least as much as i can. sometimes i just get so jealous and insecure... and it's not his fault, it's mine. but i figure, the harder i try to keep him close, the sooner i'm going to lose him. it's just difficult... because everyone says "oh caity you're beautiful, dont be insecure, he loves you, just be the cool girlfriend and dont get upset when he parties... and blah blah". there's a line in the movie "someone like you" that says "i always thought that if i never let him know how much i really needed him... that he'd never leave me". i wonder if that's true. if i tell him my true feelings, i sound like a complete basket case, and if i keep everything inside, and put on a happy face, i'm secretly falling apart inside. i wish i could look in the mirror and be happy with what i see. i wish i could be confident in myself, so that i could be confident in my relationships with not only matt, but with my friends and my family as well...
speaking of relationships with friends...
kathreen is finally ungrounded so we'll be having a sleepover tomarrow night.
sarah and i are hanging out this week, for sure!
i miss b and chels, and i made a new friend named leigh!
i miss kimmy, but between her schedule and my schedule, i just dont ever know when we're going to hang out.
i love kimi and danielle.
talked to meryl on the phone... it was sort of wierd, but it felt good to talk to her about everything again. i love her.
i think that's it...?
so today matt came over and i decided to stop over analyzing everything and just sat back and had an amazing time with him.
he smoked and i decided not to care.
he went out all day without me, and i decided not to care.
and then he came over without notice, and i realized i am in love with the most wonderful boy on the planet.
side note: i pick my nose ALOT and i wipe it on random things in my house when nobody is looking. so just watch out when you sit down, because my mom keeps everything immaculately clean, but she can't get all the boogers. HA.
i'm out , now!
♥, caity times 4
i need to let him go. i mean, not totally and literally, i'm thinking more along the lines of starting to trust him... at least as much as i can. sometimes i just get so jealous and insecure... and it's not his fault, it's mine. but i figure, the harder i try to keep him close, the sooner i'm going to lose him. it's just difficult... because everyone says "oh caity you're beautiful, dont be insecure, he loves you, just be the cool girlfriend and dont get upset when he parties... and blah blah". there's a line in the movie "someone like you" that says "i always thought that if i never let him know how much i really needed him... that he'd never leave me". i wonder if that's true. if i tell him my true feelings, i sound like a complete basket case, and if i keep everything inside, and put on a happy face, i'm secretly falling apart inside. i wish i could look in the mirror and be happy with what i see. i wish i could be confident in myself, so that i could be confident in my relationships with not only matt, but with my friends and my family as well...
speaking of relationships with friends...
kathreen is finally ungrounded so we'll be having a sleepover tomarrow night.
sarah and i are hanging out this week, for sure!
i miss b and chels, and i made a new friend named leigh!
i miss kimmy, but between her schedule and my schedule, i just dont ever know when we're going to hang out.
i love kimi and danielle.
talked to meryl on the phone... it was sort of wierd, but it felt good to talk to her about everything again. i love her.
i think that's it...?
so today matt came over and i decided to stop over analyzing everything and just sat back and had an amazing time with him.
he smoked and i decided not to care.
he went out all day without me, and i decided not to care.
and then he came over without notice, and i realized i am in love with the most wonderful boy on the planet.
side note: i pick my nose ALOT and i wipe it on random things in my house when nobody is looking. so just watch out when you sit down, because my mom keeps everything immaculately clean, but she can't get all the boogers. HA.
i'm out , now!
♥, caity times 4