(no subject)
Contentment is a new experience. It's not "happiness," (although I rather wonder if the past events were mere euphorias that came and went with the wind)but it's so very much more than an ambivalence to existence that fluctuates between antipathy and apathy.
For the first time in too long, I look forward to the future. The immediate and the distant.. I don't so much "kill" time as "use." I don't attempt to hold on, but I'm not so eager to let go. I'm just... there.
I'm hiding, though. From the disappointments, the stress, the disillusion, the fear. My head is buried in the sand. And I miss feeling the world, the people. I feel... pleasantly detached. Which isn't to say it's preferable, it's just... nice. I'm safe, where I'm hidden. I don't want to hide, but it's not safe to come out. Yet.
But, for now, life is good.
For the first time in too long, I look forward to the future. The immediate and the distant.. I don't so much "kill" time as "use." I don't attempt to hold on, but I'm not so eager to let go. I'm just... there.
I'm hiding, though. From the disappointments, the stress, the disillusion, the fear. My head is buried in the sand. And I miss feeling the world, the people. I feel... pleasantly detached. Which isn't to say it's preferable, it's just... nice. I'm safe, where I'm hidden. I don't want to hide, but it's not safe to come out. Yet.
But, for now, life is good.