(no subject)
Happy Last Day of Break! Yeah, I know it doesn't really sound right does it? I'm really bummed that I can't have Christmas break all of the time. I'm gonna miss wearing my santa suit everywhere, going shopping, never knowing where the money I'm spending is going, getting coffee whenever I feel like it, having Becca cover for me so I can see my boy, laying in bed with BeX talking about our darkest secrets, kissing boys by pale christmas tree lights, playing twister on new year's eve, meeting cute boys at starbucks in del mar, throwing surprise birthday parties, sleeping with the boy, laying on the couch with down comforters as Ryan jumps all around for the chargers, then getting to lay with him after, nose to nose for the rest of the afternoon... I guess a lot of happy things when he's around and when he's not I'm all bitter and mad becuase I want to be with him so badly. So then I start talking shit because it makes it easier for me not to be with him if I can convince myself he's an ass, but now that I know this is what I do, I spend my afternoons thinking about him and how much I miss him and how goofy and weird he is an how much i love it and how unique he is. And how much I just want him to trust me and know that I'm not gonna hurt him. But instead I'll stay in this la la land of dreaming and trying to taste our first kiss and he will keep his distance. Arms length. Never quite close enough to touch his heart.