la valse de monstres
Once again I find myself caught in that awkward position of choosing between what I know I should do and what I feel like I should do.
I just deleted a couple paragraphs because I'm kind of sick of writing about the same shit over and over. Tired of thinking about the same stuff every night. Tired of driving myself nuts over stuff that I know I'm just devoting way too much thought to. I just...don't like being like this.
In the long run, I guess it's worth it. Maybe three weeks of waking up every morning looking forward to the day ahead. Really feeling like things aren't just "okay" but are actually going really really well. I only wish that it wasn't always followed by the 6 weeks of stress and overanalyzation. And like...emo bullshit. And self-doubt. Which, I guess is all in that same category.
@_@ I wish I could write about something else. Seriously.
I just...need to talk to someone, but I keep telling everyone who offers that I'm fine and I'd rather not get into it. It's really dumb, and I don't quite understand why I do it. I don't try to be tough about anything else at all, but when it comes to dealing with my own shit...I can't bring myself to ask for help. Even though I spend a great deal of time and energy on helping others deal with their shit.
Masks.
At least baseball season is around the corner. Having a game to watch or talk about 6 nights out of the week will help me to divert my attention to something I actually want to think about. April just can't come soon enough.
Also, win/win situation with the A's rotation. My boy Danny Haren gets the nod on opening night, and Harden starts the home opener. So while I love Haren, I'm glad I'll get to see Rich pitch on the 9th. I just...man, I'm going to blow so much money that night. Hat, hoodie, t-shirt, liscence plate cover, ultimate nachos, program...god knows what else I'll fall victim to. I'm just really psyched again for baseball.
It's always great this time of year, having something to look forward to.
I just deleted a couple paragraphs because I'm kind of sick of writing about the same shit over and over. Tired of thinking about the same stuff every night. Tired of driving myself nuts over stuff that I know I'm just devoting way too much thought to. I just...don't like being like this.
In the long run, I guess it's worth it. Maybe three weeks of waking up every morning looking forward to the day ahead. Really feeling like things aren't just "okay" but are actually going really really well. I only wish that it wasn't always followed by the 6 weeks of stress and overanalyzation. And like...emo bullshit. And self-doubt. Which, I guess is all in that same category.
@_@ I wish I could write about something else. Seriously.
I just...need to talk to someone, but I keep telling everyone who offers that I'm fine and I'd rather not get into it. It's really dumb, and I don't quite understand why I do it. I don't try to be tough about anything else at all, but when it comes to dealing with my own shit...I can't bring myself to ask for help. Even though I spend a great deal of time and energy on helping others deal with their shit.
Masks.
At least baseball season is around the corner. Having a game to watch or talk about 6 nights out of the week will help me to divert my attention to something I actually want to think about. April just can't come soon enough.
Also, win/win situation with the A's rotation. My boy Danny Haren gets the nod on opening night, and Harden starts the home opener. So while I love Haren, I'm glad I'll get to see Rich pitch on the 9th. I just...man, I'm going to blow so much money that night. Hat, hoodie, t-shirt, liscence plate cover, ultimate nachos, program...god knows what else I'll fall victim to. I'm just really psyched again for baseball.
It's always great this time of year, having something to look forward to.