Fanfic: Closest Thing to Crazy
Title: Closest Thing to Crazy
Author: individual_68
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Femslash
Disclaimer: Not mine
a/N: made for BB alt for legendland, authors choice
I see people. Their deeds. Their words. Their motives. The truth behind the lies. Even the lies they tell themselves. They’re so ingrained they are almost truth.
My blessing. My curse. I have always known. Can see the doubt in the young suitors eye as he asks his sweethearts hand. The fear in a soldiers mind as he fights for what he believes in. The sadness in a rich man’s heart as he proclaims he has everything he has ever wished for. And the honesty in a young child’s soul as they apologise. I have seen it all. I cannot escape from the truth. I cannot hide from the lies.
Then there was you.
Your cold hearted facade is impenetrable. Your emotions buried so deep you do not even know they are there. Lies so ingrained they become truth. I cannot read you. I cannot tell the truth from the lies.
It is refreshing. Infuriating. Confusing. It is why I took so long to trust you. Why I was afraid to get close to you. Afraid you could lie and I would not know. Terrified you might learn my truths.
And still I got close. Let you in. The draw of normality, or something like it. I could be Kahlan. Woman. Friend.
I could not read you. And then I found I did not need to.
You do not hide the truth. Though you do not realise. It lives just beneath the surface. Clear to see. Transient but there. Milliseconds of complete honesty. Moments of truth before you lock them away. Hide it not from the world but you.
You are a complexity. More than an enigma. A mystery that does not require solving. But compels me to.
In the tomb I noticed. Something between us shifted. It was the first time you lied. The only time you felt the need to. And I saw it. Not as a Confessor. Nor as a friend. It was in the sound of your voice. In the set of your jaw. The fear in your eyes. Begging me to believe. To take it as truth.
I knew in that moment. You saw me as more than a friend. More than a companion. Wished I was more than what I could be.
No you believe I am only a friend. Wholly. Completely. Truly. Convinced yourself I am nothing more. That those emotions were a lie. Our uneasy friendship true. Unchanging. Unchanged.
Yet it shifted. I know it moved to another place. The sadness in your eyes shows me you know it too. But you will not accept it. Nor read what is on the surface of my mind. As you once did. As you once allowed yourself to do. To know the truth that I cannot hide. I cannot hide from you.
You have become adept at hiding. So long spent as warrior. Assassin. Tool. You have learnt to hide from everything. Everyone. Even you.
Insanity pursues me. I know I cannot feel this way. Should not feel these things. But I have no choice. If I had free will I would. I would choose to know you. As this. As more.
It is not emotions that drive me to madness. It is you. Your intensity. Your mystery. It draws me in. Baffles and counfounds. Confuses. Yet there is clarity. Know that if I let go that it will be clear. Your honesty will ring true. Will show me where to go.
Insanity hangs over me. A dark cloud threatening to engulf. To drown me in its storm. To let go is to allow it. Allow you access. Holding on is the real insanity.
I know I will. Though one day I will allow the storm to take me. Wild waves drive me on. I have no defence against the truth. None against this draw. None against you.
Author: individual_68
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Femslash
Disclaimer: Not mine
a/N: made for BB alt for legendland, authors choice
I see people. Their deeds. Their words. Their motives. The truth behind the lies. Even the lies they tell themselves. They’re so ingrained they are almost truth.
My blessing. My curse. I have always known. Can see the doubt in the young suitors eye as he asks his sweethearts hand. The fear in a soldiers mind as he fights for what he believes in. The sadness in a rich man’s heart as he proclaims he has everything he has ever wished for. And the honesty in a young child’s soul as they apologise. I have seen it all. I cannot escape from the truth. I cannot hide from the lies.
Then there was you.
Your cold hearted facade is impenetrable. Your emotions buried so deep you do not even know they are there. Lies so ingrained they become truth. I cannot read you. I cannot tell the truth from the lies.
It is refreshing. Infuriating. Confusing. It is why I took so long to trust you. Why I was afraid to get close to you. Afraid you could lie and I would not know. Terrified you might learn my truths.
And still I got close. Let you in. The draw of normality, or something like it. I could be Kahlan. Woman. Friend.
I could not read you. And then I found I did not need to.
You do not hide the truth. Though you do not realise. It lives just beneath the surface. Clear to see. Transient but there. Milliseconds of complete honesty. Moments of truth before you lock them away. Hide it not from the world but you.
You are a complexity. More than an enigma. A mystery that does not require solving. But compels me to.
In the tomb I noticed. Something between us shifted. It was the first time you lied. The only time you felt the need to. And I saw it. Not as a Confessor. Nor as a friend. It was in the sound of your voice. In the set of your jaw. The fear in your eyes. Begging me to believe. To take it as truth.
I knew in that moment. You saw me as more than a friend. More than a companion. Wished I was more than what I could be.
No you believe I am only a friend. Wholly. Completely. Truly. Convinced yourself I am nothing more. That those emotions were a lie. Our uneasy friendship true. Unchanging. Unchanged.
Yet it shifted. I know it moved to another place. The sadness in your eyes shows me you know it too. But you will not accept it. Nor read what is on the surface of my mind. As you once did. As you once allowed yourself to do. To know the truth that I cannot hide. I cannot hide from you.
You have become adept at hiding. So long spent as warrior. Assassin. Tool. You have learnt to hide from everything. Everyone. Even you.
Insanity pursues me. I know I cannot feel this way. Should not feel these things. But I have no choice. If I had free will I would. I would choose to know you. As this. As more.
It is not emotions that drive me to madness. It is you. Your intensity. Your mystery. It draws me in. Baffles and counfounds. Confuses. Yet there is clarity. Know that if I let go that it will be clear. Your honesty will ring true. Will show me where to go.
Insanity hangs over me. A dark cloud threatening to engulf. To drown me in its storm. To let go is to allow it. Allow you access. Holding on is the real insanity.
I know I will. Though one day I will allow the storm to take me. Wild waves drive me on. I have no defence against the truth. None against this draw. None against you.