(no subject)
I'm in a living situation that's as close to ideal for me, for the moment, as I believe I can get. It's helping, and it's working. I just hope it'll be enough to get me to where I need to be, by when I need to be there. Where I need to be is "independently functional and motivated", and when I need to be there is "by the time Travis is deployed in the Fall." The plan is for me to continue to live in Trav's apartment while he's overseas, but for even that to be workable, I'll have to be more independently functional than I am right now. If he were to leave tomorrow or next week, I wouldn't be functional enough to take care of myself alone here for that kind of long term. Fortunately I have several months to work on that. I hope that it's within my capacity to get there, and I hope I DO get there.
But for now, my living environment is as close to perfect as I can reasonably hope for it to be, in terms of having available the support I need, on all levels, to make my needs met. I'm learning to feel safe, and to trust that I really am safe. That's a process, but it's coming along well, and it's a vital first step. No further steps are possible without that necessary foundation. I am sincerely grateful to Travis and Nicole, especially, for their continuing and substantial help with that first step. I have thanked them many times over, and I'll continue to. Travis, Nicole... you both rock, and I humbly thank you for being the caring and supportive family I need right now. I love you both.
Some more steps will be required, over the next few months, before I can be functional enough for what lies ahead. I'm currently in the process of determining just what those steps might be. It seems I'm not quite far enough along in that process to articulate my progress here in LiveJournal, though I thought I might be when I started this post. But I had a good conversation with Travis tonight about it, and it's clear that I'm working on it, despite the fact that it would probably appear to almost everyone except Travis and Nicole and perhaps Kevin and my mother, that I'm just sitting on my ass doing nothing of consequence. I am in fact working on it, and that work is seen by those closest to me, and that's enough for now. For tonight, for this week, probably for this month. It won't always be enough, and that awareness is motivating me to keep up the work. But for now, for tonight, it's enough. I should be grateful for that. And I am. I just need to validate that feeling of gratitude to myself, and help it sink in. So I have done just that, by posting about it here. Mission accomplished.
Onward.
But for now, my living environment is as close to perfect as I can reasonably hope for it to be, in terms of having available the support I need, on all levels, to make my needs met. I'm learning to feel safe, and to trust that I really am safe. That's a process, but it's coming along well, and it's a vital first step. No further steps are possible without that necessary foundation. I am sincerely grateful to Travis and Nicole, especially, for their continuing and substantial help with that first step. I have thanked them many times over, and I'll continue to. Travis, Nicole... you both rock, and I humbly thank you for being the caring and supportive family I need right now. I love you both.
Some more steps will be required, over the next few months, before I can be functional enough for what lies ahead. I'm currently in the process of determining just what those steps might be. It seems I'm not quite far enough along in that process to articulate my progress here in LiveJournal, though I thought I might be when I started this post. But I had a good conversation with Travis tonight about it, and it's clear that I'm working on it, despite the fact that it would probably appear to almost everyone except Travis and Nicole and perhaps Kevin and my mother, that I'm just sitting on my ass doing nothing of consequence. I am in fact working on it, and that work is seen by those closest to me, and that's enough for now. For tonight, for this week, probably for this month. It won't always be enough, and that awareness is motivating me to keep up the work. But for now, for tonight, it's enough. I should be grateful for that. And I am. I just need to validate that feeling of gratitude to myself, and help it sink in. So I have done just that, by posting about it here. Mission accomplished.
Onward.