the sunlight...its in your eyes
I know its cliche, going off to Europe and coming back with a new perspective on life...but when I came back, everything just seemed...okay. It's okay. And I'm okay. And the world is too big and life is too short to sit around and not find the beauty and amazement in it. It was something I wished would happen, but didnt expect to, and didn't notice at first. But when I sat down for the first moment of peace I was granted, I realized...a lot of the anger I was holding onto had turned to sadness...but a sadness that I can cope with and not be suffocated by. And apathy turned to ambition. And I let go...of things that I can't change, of things that I wanted more than anything, of things over which I have no control. I am scared to go home, I'll still admit that...I'm scared to leave here not knowing if I'll ever come back, but knowing that if I did it will never be under the same circumstances, with the people I've grown to love in the city I've fallen for. Its strange meeting people you know you will never see again...and really wish you would. It just makes me wonder why it happened at all...they change your life just a little bit, and maybe you don't change theirs, but you can't help but think under different circumstances how nice something could be...
oook was just interrupted by the Irish police force coming to our door and asking us where we'd been between the hours of 5 and 7 am....curious.
So I'm very unsure about the summer. I'm entering that chapter of my life with great trepidation, as summers have not agreed with me, at least not this past one, and though I never believed I would feel this way about any period of my life, I wish to never think about it again and if there was a way to erase it, I would have already done it. Aside from the last part spent in Italy, that is...although what made that so nice I havent heard from in months. Its sad that the home you loved all your life becomes less and less your home as things change. But it would be the cowardly way out to look back and wish for what you had, instead of what you could have...and what you deserve. I had a dream that Jenny was getting married, and I had to let her go all over again, but in my dream I just couldnt do it. Then I had another dream where I was at a prom, probably years ago, one of those dreams falling under the category of cruel, as my subconcious often disagrees with my better judgement. But my will is stronger than my heart...at least it has grown to be.
oook was just interrupted by the Irish police force coming to our door and asking us where we'd been between the hours of 5 and 7 am....curious.
So I'm very unsure about the summer. I'm entering that chapter of my life with great trepidation, as summers have not agreed with me, at least not this past one, and though I never believed I would feel this way about any period of my life, I wish to never think about it again and if there was a way to erase it, I would have already done it. Aside from the last part spent in Italy, that is...although what made that so nice I havent heard from in months. Its sad that the home you loved all your life becomes less and less your home as things change. But it would be the cowardly way out to look back and wish for what you had, instead of what you could have...and what you deserve. I had a dream that Jenny was getting married, and I had to let her go all over again, but in my dream I just couldnt do it. Then I had another dream where I was at a prom, probably years ago, one of those dreams falling under the category of cruel, as my subconcious often disagrees with my better judgement. But my will is stronger than my heart...at least it has grown to be.