(no subject)
Moorpark Computer Lab. I adore how I never go online unless I am not at home. I have not read any of your livejournals in ages. In a way this saddens me because it severs my connection to you. But then again, how much of a relationship should be based on internet journaling?
1. I have a girlfriend. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
So there.
2. I just read a comment from an old friend. A friend who used to be semi-very-close with me, and whose livejournal name is my name I would call him. He says he doesn't even know me any more, and I suppose that's true. I suppose the only person I've been really seeing at all lately is Tyler and I have not been dependable at all about keeping in touch with anyone else. But even when I do try, my old highschool friends seem to have fallen away from me. Some of them are still in my reach, like Cheryl, who though I do not see her as often as I would like to (and I do know that it's my own fault that I don't) I still consider her close. Or there's most of the other people who at one point were close friends and now are sad longings. Like Robby Stambler, for instance. And I suppose I have a new set of friends now. Shifted from Santa Su drama people to Moorpark drama people, for the most part. This rant is in no way implying that I am abandoning any of you who may or may not read this, or disowning you, or anything. I still love all of you and miss you imensely. I am just different. Very different. Older. And the whole Daniel thing tore most of you away from me. Which, like I admitted before, is my own damn fault. I should have known better but didn't. I had to learn. Those of you who stuck with me helped me.
I love you all and want to see you all.
But still, because it was made aparent how little you all know about the Vanessa of late, let me give you an update as best as I can.
A theater major at Moorpark College, I have been signing up for classes at my own disclosure, dropping them if they were too early in the morning or did not interest me, and ditching whenever I was tired or had something better to do. Still get A's for the vast majority of my classes. Have quickly climbed the theatrical heirarchy and in less than a full school year have made it to the top rung of the socio-theatrical ladder (so to speak). Currently I am taking (1)History of the Native American, (2)Advanced Acting, and (3)Improv Comedy. My load is incredibly light this semester, and in some ways I like that and some ways I don't. Next semester I am definately going to be kicking things up a notch.
My family life. I never see my dad. My brother and I are estranged. I try to relate to my sister as well as I can, but find it difficult and rare. I can't stand my mother and she can't stand me. I rarely deal with any of my family, except when I go to work with my mother. I still work at Duke's in Malibu and so does she. I have made the rank of D1, which is the head hostess in the heirarchy of hostesses (esesssesses).
Social life.
Tyler is my best friend and I spend all day every day with him. He loves me and I love him. He sleeps over every night. He is still a virgin. Though maybe we'll get there, someday. He is twenty-three and crazy. I mostly only enjoy the company of crazy people, so it works out nicely. You could say we're in a relationship, but it's very tricky to define. We were only official for two days. I now consider it an open relationship because we fulfill all the definitions of such.
Then there are the rest of my group of friends whom I spend time with often. The main players include Danny, Danina, Ryan, Stephen, Katie, Johnny, Amber, Jeb. Other people.
I am very attrated to Danny and he is very attracted to me. I am dangerous when we are drunk together. We want each other desperately but he has a girlfriend. Our minds work the same.
Danina is my girlfriend, and we have decided we can do whatever we want with other men, though she doesn't want me sleeping with other women. We'll see.
Ryan is an asshole. I don't know why I'm friends with him but I really am. He's like a little brother.
Stephen is immesurably cute. I slept with him once.
Katie is a self-depricating woman who I disliked when I first met her, but grew to grow on me, and now I am under the impression that she could be a remarkable woman if she only thought herself to be.
Johnny is very innocent. Never had a girlfriend. I'm doing a scene with him in acting class in which we have to kiss. It makes him very uncomfortable. I find that charming.
Amber is a beautiful virgin Christian girl who has been with her boyfriend for five years. She is best friends with Johnny.
Jeb is bisexual and a lot of people don't like him. I didn't when I first met him, but now I find him smart and his stand-up is really very good.
I started drinking in October. That makes me sound like an alcoholic -- I should explain that I never really drank before and October was my first time. Since then I have grown to enjoy alcohol more than pot. I have only smoked pot once or twice since October. I like to get drunk at parties. I like to lower my inhibitions and get close to people and dance. I do not do this to excess, in my opinion. I have never been drunk to the point of passing out or throwing up. I party when the opportunity arises, which is not incredibly often, but not infrequent. I tried cocaine once, because I am an expiremental person and I wante to see. I don't plan on taking it again because of how addictive it is and because of how intense it was and how bad the come down was.
I have had sex with ten people.
I have been in love five times.
I have been in what I deem a relationship seven times.
I have not had sex now in more than a month.
I smoke, but on average probably around twice a week, varying -- sometimes more and sometimes less. I like the appeal of it without being addicted. I like it like a game and I have been winning for some time. Whenever I buy a pack, it often gets crushed in my bag, and two months later I will have to scoop the unused fragments of cigarette out of my bag. That proves to me that I'm not addicted.
I am doing a monologue in a competition on April 16th. I am getting paid 200 dollars for it, so I can finally consider myself a "professional actor".
I am going to be doing the vagina monologues in the fall.
My passion above all else is acting. I want to act more than anything in the world. I am happiest when I am acting. I will be an actress.
I have been writing more poetry and drawing more pictures lately than I have in the past year.
I am on birth control but do not take any other medication.
I have regained my honesty, but not to its fullest extent. I am often to honest, but in my mind not honest enough.
Though I have a deep interest in those things theological, I have not been spiritual in a long time. It distresses me how comfortable I am with this.
I go to Disneyland very often. Maybe once every one or two weeks.
I have not been to Rocky in a month, but will return.
I have lost weight, but am not in as good of shape as I was at the beginning of the semester, which was, I am afraid, my physical prime thus far.
My mother wants to move to San Diego in August and I don't want to go with her. I don't know what to do.
I still don't drive and I still don't have a car.
I am very much the same as I was. I am more confident and wise now. Perhaps more cynical, less romantic. Still as passionate. I find myself too mean, and not giving enough.
I don't really know what else to tell you about me. I do miss you. Comment and ask anything you want, or tell me that you miss me too and we'll make a day of it.
Love.
1. I have a girlfriend. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
So there.
2. I just read a comment from an old friend. A friend who used to be semi-very-close with me, and whose livejournal name is my name I would call him. He says he doesn't even know me any more, and I suppose that's true. I suppose the only person I've been really seeing at all lately is Tyler and I have not been dependable at all about keeping in touch with anyone else. But even when I do try, my old highschool friends seem to have fallen away from me. Some of them are still in my reach, like Cheryl, who though I do not see her as often as I would like to (and I do know that it's my own fault that I don't) I still consider her close. Or there's most of the other people who at one point were close friends and now are sad longings. Like Robby Stambler, for instance. And I suppose I have a new set of friends now. Shifted from Santa Su drama people to Moorpark drama people, for the most part. This rant is in no way implying that I am abandoning any of you who may or may not read this, or disowning you, or anything. I still love all of you and miss you imensely. I am just different. Very different. Older. And the whole Daniel thing tore most of you away from me. Which, like I admitted before, is my own damn fault. I should have known better but didn't. I had to learn. Those of you who stuck with me helped me.
I love you all and want to see you all.
But still, because it was made aparent how little you all know about the Vanessa of late, let me give you an update as best as I can.
A theater major at Moorpark College, I have been signing up for classes at my own disclosure, dropping them if they were too early in the morning or did not interest me, and ditching whenever I was tired or had something better to do. Still get A's for the vast majority of my classes. Have quickly climbed the theatrical heirarchy and in less than a full school year have made it to the top rung of the socio-theatrical ladder (so to speak). Currently I am taking (1)History of the Native American, (2)Advanced Acting, and (3)Improv Comedy. My load is incredibly light this semester, and in some ways I like that and some ways I don't. Next semester I am definately going to be kicking things up a notch.
My family life. I never see my dad. My brother and I are estranged. I try to relate to my sister as well as I can, but find it difficult and rare. I can't stand my mother and she can't stand me. I rarely deal with any of my family, except when I go to work with my mother. I still work at Duke's in Malibu and so does she. I have made the rank of D1, which is the head hostess in the heirarchy of hostesses (esesssesses).
Social life.
Tyler is my best friend and I spend all day every day with him. He loves me and I love him. He sleeps over every night. He is still a virgin. Though maybe we'll get there, someday. He is twenty-three and crazy. I mostly only enjoy the company of crazy people, so it works out nicely. You could say we're in a relationship, but it's very tricky to define. We were only official for two days. I now consider it an open relationship because we fulfill all the definitions of such.
Then there are the rest of my group of friends whom I spend time with often. The main players include Danny, Danina, Ryan, Stephen, Katie, Johnny, Amber, Jeb. Other people.
I am very attrated to Danny and he is very attracted to me. I am dangerous when we are drunk together. We want each other desperately but he has a girlfriend. Our minds work the same.
Danina is my girlfriend, and we have decided we can do whatever we want with other men, though she doesn't want me sleeping with other women. We'll see.
Ryan is an asshole. I don't know why I'm friends with him but I really am. He's like a little brother.
Stephen is immesurably cute. I slept with him once.
Katie is a self-depricating woman who I disliked when I first met her, but grew to grow on me, and now I am under the impression that she could be a remarkable woman if she only thought herself to be.
Johnny is very innocent. Never had a girlfriend. I'm doing a scene with him in acting class in which we have to kiss. It makes him very uncomfortable. I find that charming.
Amber is a beautiful virgin Christian girl who has been with her boyfriend for five years. She is best friends with Johnny.
Jeb is bisexual and a lot of people don't like him. I didn't when I first met him, but now I find him smart and his stand-up is really very good.
I started drinking in October. That makes me sound like an alcoholic -- I should explain that I never really drank before and October was my first time. Since then I have grown to enjoy alcohol more than pot. I have only smoked pot once or twice since October. I like to get drunk at parties. I like to lower my inhibitions and get close to people and dance. I do not do this to excess, in my opinion. I have never been drunk to the point of passing out or throwing up. I party when the opportunity arises, which is not incredibly often, but not infrequent. I tried cocaine once, because I am an expiremental person and I wante to see. I don't plan on taking it again because of how addictive it is and because of how intense it was and how bad the come down was.
I have had sex with ten people.
I have been in love five times.
I have been in what I deem a relationship seven times.
I have not had sex now in more than a month.
I smoke, but on average probably around twice a week, varying -- sometimes more and sometimes less. I like the appeal of it without being addicted. I like it like a game and I have been winning for some time. Whenever I buy a pack, it often gets crushed in my bag, and two months later I will have to scoop the unused fragments of cigarette out of my bag. That proves to me that I'm not addicted.
I am doing a monologue in a competition on April 16th. I am getting paid 200 dollars for it, so I can finally consider myself a "professional actor".
I am going to be doing the vagina monologues in the fall.
My passion above all else is acting. I want to act more than anything in the world. I am happiest when I am acting. I will be an actress.
I have been writing more poetry and drawing more pictures lately than I have in the past year.
I am on birth control but do not take any other medication.
I have regained my honesty, but not to its fullest extent. I am often to honest, but in my mind not honest enough.
Though I have a deep interest in those things theological, I have not been spiritual in a long time. It distresses me how comfortable I am with this.
I go to Disneyland very often. Maybe once every one or two weeks.
I have not been to Rocky in a month, but will return.
I have lost weight, but am not in as good of shape as I was at the beginning of the semester, which was, I am afraid, my physical prime thus far.
My mother wants to move to San Diego in August and I don't want to go with her. I don't know what to do.
I still don't drive and I still don't have a car.
I am very much the same as I was. I am more confident and wise now. Perhaps more cynical, less romantic. Still as passionate. I find myself too mean, and not giving enough.
I don't really know what else to tell you about me. I do miss you. Comment and ask anything you want, or tell me that you miss me too and we'll make a day of it.
Love.