(no subject)
My close friends probably wonder why I act like I'm so isolated, or why I have quirks that are normally only acquired by people who've been living alone for decades, and this is why. My family is about the worst a family could be for emotional support. Yeah, I never got shit like, "OMG you're gay, GET OUT!" but every time I have a personal crisis, even one I consider to be extremely serious, nobody even acts like they care, or if they do care, they totally clam up and don't say anything about whatever it is and hope to god it never comes back to make them uncomfortable again. Not even my mom, whom I live with and see daily, and oh yes, gave birth to me, is somebody that I can rely on to help me feel like my reality isn't completely crumbling away. And you might think, well gee, she's not a mindreader, which is true, but she fucking has ears to hear me tell her this shit to her face, but I still get nothing. It's like getting sympathy from a brick wall with a :| face painted on it. I don't like burdening my friends with crap like that, because it's a good way to lose them, so I end up just worrying the shit out of myself. I mean, it's so support-dead around here that when I brought up the fact that I'm worried I might have testicular fucking cancer I just get a look or whatever, not even a, "I guess you should see a doctor," or anything. If she told me she had cancer I'd be like, "OH SHIT, are you seeing a doctor? How long have you known about this? What are we going to do?" and about a million other questions. So yeah, I don't have a regular doctor or money or anything, and I'm pretty much worried like hell about all this crap, and the whole issue is emotionally severed from anyone else and left for me to mentally come to terms with on my own, so I guess this is the part where I get angry about it and shit and find a doctor out of spite for the world or something, or I guess it could also qualify as a cry for help.
And yeah, I haven't really posted about this before because I'm also worried about the responses (or complete lack of responses) that it would spur, but right now I'm too pissy to ponder that crap, so feel free to entirely ignore this sentence.
Also, I'm way too fat and I'm losing weight as fast as I possibly can (which is pretty fucking fast, comparatively), but it's not fast enough for me and it's really getting me down. I would totally take meth or something if it was available to me.
And yeah, I haven't really posted about this before because I'm also worried about the responses (or complete lack of responses) that it would spur, but right now I'm too pissy to ponder that crap, so feel free to entirely ignore this sentence.
Also, I'm way too fat and I'm losing weight as fast as I possibly can (which is pretty fucking fast, comparatively), but it's not fast enough for me and it's really getting me down. I would totally take meth or something if it was available to me.