A learning experience
In the last 6 months I've learned a lot about myself (and the state school system), and how and why the two pretty much don't mesh.
I've always known that I'm happiest when I can express creativity, and that given an environment where I feel safe and confident and a problem I understand, nothing can stop me solving it.
I learned that the answer to my problem of "I need a job and love throwing science at small people" shouldn't really have been limited to "school teacher".
What I take with me from the last 6 months:
*new friends
*contacts from a huge variety of sources within the science teaching and communication community, not least my tutors from Hallam, at least one of whom I have no doubt I will try to maintain contact with.
*a deeper understanding (and development) of where my natural strengths are and some ideas for how I can implement those, moving forward.
*an acceptance that for my enthusiasm and energy to be useful and shine through requires that mentally/emotionally safe environment, which the schools I've seen haven't necessarily been for me.
*accepting that my inner child may never grow up, and that she drives my enthusiasm and reacts pretty strongly to being stifled.
*accepting that my tendency for depression under criticism is real, and that it is debilitating at it's worst as it is fleeting when the stressors are removed.
*understanding more deeply how rooted my philosophy of "if it's not fun you're doing it wrong" really is in my approach to science, learning and life, and that I need to make sure I embrace that and work with it, because trying to fight it to "fit in" is all but impossible.
*being able to admit to failure, wrong/uninformed decisions and needing help.
I set out in September to find myself, give her a kick up the backside and tell her to grow up and start acting her age. What I found was someone who was lonlier than she'd ever admit, with an outlook on life that couldn't possibly work with the life I'd been trying to fit into for the last few years because someone told her she had to colour inside the lines. And we've had a chat and come to some interesting conclusions. It's OK that I'll never be a suited "professional" adult. There are other kinds of grownups out there. Just because I've grown up equating "proper work" with a desk and tie, it's OK that I'm not going to.
I *still* don't fit into the neat little boxes that people like the jobcentre like to put people in and that's OK too, because I've got a better handle on what shape MY box is now, and the conviction to tell people why it's a great box to be in. It's my box. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Because accepting yourself dispite all your failings and having the conviction to trust in your strengths and see them for what they are too is what really growing up is all about. And today I made a decision that puts me firmly one step closer to growing up.
I'm moving on.
I've always known that I'm happiest when I can express creativity, and that given an environment where I feel safe and confident and a problem I understand, nothing can stop me solving it.
I learned that the answer to my problem of "I need a job and love throwing science at small people" shouldn't really have been limited to "school teacher".
What I take with me from the last 6 months:
*new friends
*contacts from a huge variety of sources within the science teaching and communication community, not least my tutors from Hallam, at least one of whom I have no doubt I will try to maintain contact with.
*a deeper understanding (and development) of where my natural strengths are and some ideas for how I can implement those, moving forward.
*an acceptance that for my enthusiasm and energy to be useful and shine through requires that mentally/emotionally safe environment, which the schools I've seen haven't necessarily been for me.
*accepting that my inner child may never grow up, and that she drives my enthusiasm and reacts pretty strongly to being stifled.
*accepting that my tendency for depression under criticism is real, and that it is debilitating at it's worst as it is fleeting when the stressors are removed.
*understanding more deeply how rooted my philosophy of "if it's not fun you're doing it wrong" really is in my approach to science, learning and life, and that I need to make sure I embrace that and work with it, because trying to fight it to "fit in" is all but impossible.
*being able to admit to failure, wrong/uninformed decisions and needing help.
I set out in September to find myself, give her a kick up the backside and tell her to grow up and start acting her age. What I found was someone who was lonlier than she'd ever admit, with an outlook on life that couldn't possibly work with the life I'd been trying to fit into for the last few years because someone told her she had to colour inside the lines. And we've had a chat and come to some interesting conclusions. It's OK that I'll never be a suited "professional" adult. There are other kinds of grownups out there. Just because I've grown up equating "proper work" with a desk and tie, it's OK that I'm not going to.
I *still* don't fit into the neat little boxes that people like the jobcentre like to put people in and that's OK too, because I've got a better handle on what shape MY box is now, and the conviction to tell people why it's a great box to be in. It's my box. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Because accepting yourself dispite all your failings and having the conviction to trust in your strengths and see them for what they are too is what really growing up is all about. And today I made a decision that puts me firmly one step closer to growing up.
I'm moving on.