AhH! ThE rOoM iS sPiNnInG!!!
Your Mood Ring is Dark Red
Very happy
Love
Passion
Mood Ring Generator
Woah.. Like Crazy conincidentiality (No, thats not a real word.)
Anyway.. Yes, the analogy i've been using is that I live in the tower in the little sno-globe, and somebody decided that they wanted to see it snow!
Lets take a brief inventory of my romantic history since november of 2003, shall we?
11-23-03 I met Andy
2-13-04 I started to date Andy
Nov, 2004- I started to talk to chris, initiation of flirting
Dec, 2004- I Dumped Andy for a variety of reasons and started dating chris
1-7-05- I met David in person, got drunk and kissed him... told chris and then
1-16-05- Chris Dumped Me, I started dating David
2-23-05- David dumped me because he was moving to california (in July).
Followed by 4 months of psycho activities and total emotional breakdown.
Mother's Day Eve, 2005- Real start of major crushing on Ron (it had been less before this date). *And Yes, I'm admitting it, because i'm not sparing anybodys fucking feelings anymore and i still feel like i Should have told him how i felt. I was rewarded SO much for trying to be nice.*
Whenever, 2005- Jason and Ron start to date officially, i abandon that sinking ship.
Late June, 2005- I have my first one-night-stand.. thing... I dont even know if you could call it that, because i was friends with the person, and still consider myself to be good friends with him, it just failed to develop into anything romantic.
7-6-05- Beginning of classes at JCC, I meet Tyler.
7-8-05- Tyler and i begin a friends-with-benefits relationship (also a first). I'm completely content, as i cannot possibly be emotionally hurt. We have an understanding, that we are not romantically involved, nor will we become such.
Mid-Late July 2005- I'm Contacted by Joe, from myspace. He tells me he likes me, that i should stop seeing tyler, and that i should seek romantic enrichment in my life. I'm originally repelled by him, but as someone so poetically put it, i was eventually sucked in.
8-1-05- I meet Joe in person. he seems nice and sweet, with the exception of a few glaring annoyances (ie telling me what i should/shouldnt do, things i should change about my appearance, etc.)
8-3-05- I hang out with joe for the 2nd time, i realize that the chemistry is minimal. He tells me it's because he misses his ex fiancee. I get tired of wasting my time, and realize that now i'm left in a postion where i am completely sick of gay men and all the little fucking head games they play. I'm put in a position where i dont even want to go back to being friends with beneifts because now after promises of such emotional fulfuillment, i find myself thirsting for it again. I realize i've had it this whole time, i was just scared to persue it. I realize, after dealing with fickle people, neglect, heavy drug use, indecision, and sheer annoyance that the things i used to bitch about when i was with andy were petty in compariason. I called him last night... I told him everything that had happened to me, and i confessed that i still loved him. I think i might finally start being happy again. What we had was so simple, and so beautiful. I never had to worry about drama, or getting into a fight, or getting tired of him. He satisfied me, and i satisfied him. We were in love, and still are, and I want it back so bad. the 2 main issues that really bothered me about him were A The Marijuana use, which i've come to realize is quite light in compariason with other people's, and B The distance, which was largely a byproduct of being in a not-exactly-legal arrangement, which has since changed with my passage of age. So I am officially off of the butchering table, I will no longer be poked and prodded and disected by the ugly creatures that we call "dates". I'm tired of insecurity, and i'm tired of fickle people, and i'm tired of feeling used, and i'm tired of feeling alone. I miss being in love, And i miss feeling loved.
I'm done.
LongLiveLestat06: i've loved him this whole time.. i really have... I just didnt want to go back with him, i thought i had it so bad when i was with him, but i've realized that I didnt go through Half the bullshit when i was with him
rachMH727: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
rachMH727: whatever
LongLiveLestat06: lol why does it bother you so?
rachMH727: cause i heard you complain about it so much
LongLiveLestat06: yeah.. my method of distancing myself.. I bitched about it so much that i actually managed to convince myself that what we had was terrible
rachMH727: *sigh*
LongLiveLestat06: and like i said, the weed and the distance were the things that really bothered me.. I'm not 15 anymore, and i'm not as bothered by mood altering substances anymore either (after so much exposure, you go numb to it)
LongLiveLestat06: What he and i had was simple, we loved each other, and we were happy.. there was no drama, there was no "i'm moving to california in 5 months so i'm going to dump you now" there was no "I miss my ex" and there was no lack of emotional attachment or lack of a desire for one...
LongLiveLestat06: and best of all, there were no GAMES
LongLiveLestat06: Like.. "I like you" *school-girl-like giggling* and 2 days later "i miss my ex" or "I love you" and then a month later "i'm breaking up with you to save your feelings"
rachMH727: yea i know
rachMH727: well
rachMH727: im glad youre happy then i spose
LongLiveLestat06: k.. I think if you met him you wouldnt be as hesitant to be happy for me lol.. he really is an ok guy.. i just made him seem atrocious because i had to in order to get over him.
rachMH727: lol maybe
LongLiveLestat06: lol.. and andy doesnt try to change me like joe was... lol "cut your hair" "you cant drink, but i'm going to start smoking again" "You look too gay, my parents dont know so you're not coming in my house" "you're a pothead!"
LongLiveLestat06: Yeah.. i never got to tell you a lot of the little things about joe that irked me...
Very happy
Love
Passion
Mood Ring Generator
Woah.. Like Crazy conincidentiality (No, thats not a real word.)
Anyway.. Yes, the analogy i've been using is that I live in the tower in the little sno-globe, and somebody decided that they wanted to see it snow!
Lets take a brief inventory of my romantic history since november of 2003, shall we?
11-23-03 I met Andy
2-13-04 I started to date Andy
Nov, 2004- I started to talk to chris, initiation of flirting
Dec, 2004- I Dumped Andy for a variety of reasons and started dating chris
1-7-05- I met David in person, got drunk and kissed him... told chris and then
1-16-05- Chris Dumped Me, I started dating David
2-23-05- David dumped me because he was moving to california (in July).
Followed by 4 months of psycho activities and total emotional breakdown.
Mother's Day Eve, 2005- Real start of major crushing on Ron (it had been less before this date). *And Yes, I'm admitting it, because i'm not sparing anybodys fucking feelings anymore and i still feel like i Should have told him how i felt. I was rewarded SO much for trying to be nice.*
Whenever, 2005- Jason and Ron start to date officially, i abandon that sinking ship.
Late June, 2005- I have my first one-night-stand.. thing... I dont even know if you could call it that, because i was friends with the person, and still consider myself to be good friends with him, it just failed to develop into anything romantic.
7-6-05- Beginning of classes at JCC, I meet Tyler.
7-8-05- Tyler and i begin a friends-with-benefits relationship (also a first). I'm completely content, as i cannot possibly be emotionally hurt. We have an understanding, that we are not romantically involved, nor will we become such.
Mid-Late July 2005- I'm Contacted by Joe, from myspace. He tells me he likes me, that i should stop seeing tyler, and that i should seek romantic enrichment in my life. I'm originally repelled by him, but as someone so poetically put it, i was eventually sucked in.
8-1-05- I meet Joe in person. he seems nice and sweet, with the exception of a few glaring annoyances (ie telling me what i should/shouldnt do, things i should change about my appearance, etc.)
8-3-05- I hang out with joe for the 2nd time, i realize that the chemistry is minimal. He tells me it's because he misses his ex fiancee. I get tired of wasting my time, and realize that now i'm left in a postion where i am completely sick of gay men and all the little fucking head games they play. I'm put in a position where i dont even want to go back to being friends with beneifts because now after promises of such emotional fulfuillment, i find myself thirsting for it again. I realize i've had it this whole time, i was just scared to persue it. I realize, after dealing with fickle people, neglect, heavy drug use, indecision, and sheer annoyance that the things i used to bitch about when i was with andy were petty in compariason. I called him last night... I told him everything that had happened to me, and i confessed that i still loved him. I think i might finally start being happy again. What we had was so simple, and so beautiful. I never had to worry about drama, or getting into a fight, or getting tired of him. He satisfied me, and i satisfied him. We were in love, and still are, and I want it back so bad. the 2 main issues that really bothered me about him were A The Marijuana use, which i've come to realize is quite light in compariason with other people's, and B The distance, which was largely a byproduct of being in a not-exactly-legal arrangement, which has since changed with my passage of age. So I am officially off of the butchering table, I will no longer be poked and prodded and disected by the ugly creatures that we call "dates". I'm tired of insecurity, and i'm tired of fickle people, and i'm tired of feeling used, and i'm tired of feeling alone. I miss being in love, And i miss feeling loved.
I'm done.
LongLiveLestat06: i've loved him this whole time.. i really have... I just didnt want to go back with him, i thought i had it so bad when i was with him, but i've realized that I didnt go through Half the bullshit when i was with him
rachMH727: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
rachMH727: whatever
LongLiveLestat06: lol why does it bother you so?
rachMH727: cause i heard you complain about it so much
LongLiveLestat06: yeah.. my method of distancing myself.. I bitched about it so much that i actually managed to convince myself that what we had was terrible
rachMH727: *sigh*
LongLiveLestat06: and like i said, the weed and the distance were the things that really bothered me.. I'm not 15 anymore, and i'm not as bothered by mood altering substances anymore either (after so much exposure, you go numb to it)
LongLiveLestat06: What he and i had was simple, we loved each other, and we were happy.. there was no drama, there was no "i'm moving to california in 5 months so i'm going to dump you now" there was no "I miss my ex" and there was no lack of emotional attachment or lack of a desire for one...
LongLiveLestat06: and best of all, there were no GAMES
LongLiveLestat06: Like.. "I like you" *school-girl-like giggling* and 2 days later "i miss my ex" or "I love you" and then a month later "i'm breaking up with you to save your feelings"
rachMH727: yea i know
rachMH727: well
rachMH727: im glad youre happy then i spose
LongLiveLestat06: k.. I think if you met him you wouldnt be as hesitant to be happy for me lol.. he really is an ok guy.. i just made him seem atrocious because i had to in order to get over him.
rachMH727: lol maybe
LongLiveLestat06: lol.. and andy doesnt try to change me like joe was... lol "cut your hair" "you cant drink, but i'm going to start smoking again" "You look too gay, my parents dont know so you're not coming in my house" "you're a pothead!"
LongLiveLestat06: Yeah.. i never got to tell you a lot of the little things about joe that irked me...