OOF. *sigh*
it's weird how some things don't hit you until well after the fact, when you think you're fine..
went to bed last night in a decent mood....spent the entire night having stress nightmares about this trip to england. notice i said nightmareS. more than one. first i can't get my plane tickets, then i'm missing the plane, then jon is canceling his trip and i have to go alone.. then it seems that i don't have enough money, and can't go. anyway, this goes on and on until i wake up.
of course, that sort of sets my mood for the day. i try really hard to shake it, since, after all, they were just DREAMS. but the air of depression stayed with me, and eventually i realized it had nothing at all to do with my bad night's sleep. it has everything to do with the fact that, after having the "i'm taking this, you can keep these, can i have this?" conversation... there really is no hope left.
i guess i'm going thru that place that everyone warned me about, a sort of second slump, letting go the tiny bit of hope that i guess i had squirrled away so deep inside that even i didn't know it was there.
all i want to do is crawl into bed with the woman i love, close my eyes and hold her, until everything is alright again.
but i can't.
because everything isn't going to be alright again. at least not like that.
and no matter how hard, or how quietly, or with how much passion i wish it,
she is not coming back.
i wish... i don't know what i wish.
i keep filling my time with random plans, just so i don't have to think about it.
as if, somehow, if i don't think about it, it isn't real.
do me a favor y'all... next time i tell you i'm in love with somebody,
slap me.
went to bed last night in a decent mood....spent the entire night having stress nightmares about this trip to england. notice i said nightmareS. more than one. first i can't get my plane tickets, then i'm missing the plane, then jon is canceling his trip and i have to go alone.. then it seems that i don't have enough money, and can't go. anyway, this goes on and on until i wake up.
of course, that sort of sets my mood for the day. i try really hard to shake it, since, after all, they were just DREAMS. but the air of depression stayed with me, and eventually i realized it had nothing at all to do with my bad night's sleep. it has everything to do with the fact that, after having the "i'm taking this, you can keep these, can i have this?" conversation... there really is no hope left.
i guess i'm going thru that place that everyone warned me about, a sort of second slump, letting go the tiny bit of hope that i guess i had squirrled away so deep inside that even i didn't know it was there.
all i want to do is crawl into bed with the woman i love, close my eyes and hold her, until everything is alright again.
but i can't.
because everything isn't going to be alright again. at least not like that.
and no matter how hard, or how quietly, or with how much passion i wish it,
she is not coming back.
i wish... i don't know what i wish.
i keep filling my time with random plans, just so i don't have to think about it.
as if, somehow, if i don't think about it, it isn't real.
do me a favor y'all... next time i tell you i'm in love with somebody,
slap me.