22 or the treachery of emotions
On March 2nd, I reached my 22 birthday.
It came and went, no milestone was reach particularly. The only outstanding "event" to occur was the rolling of a rather large and big joint.
Than came March 3rd, where we took a roadtrip to see bright eyes and cursive in concert at Orlando. The trip was quite fine, despite a wind-caused small mishap of no consequence.
The concert was "wild" in the sense that Brittany and I were the most trouble-making trying to get to the front. I won't get into details. I blame it at the alcohol, but during the whole duration of the concert it became apparent to me that being at the front was where the excitement was at relative to being at the deck; but I can't really say for sure since the position where my other friends decided to stick around had a bad view. Thus, after this experience I surely am determined to reach the front whenever I can even if it would require some shenanigans.
Outside of the dynamic duo's struggle to get to the front, the concert was rather tame relative to of Montreal. Cursive however played really well and Bright Eyes as well, but I was more surprised at Cursive since I had my doubts. Perhaps their music is just more suitable live or the great songs they picked (outside of "From the hips" which we sang along to) I haven't heard before (which gave me a doubtful impression beforehand).
The concert was also shorter it seemed...but no big deal. I can't wait for the next concert and to be honest I think next time, if I had a car, I would probably only have Brittany tag along so I wouldn't be dragged down by people who do not want to go to the front row/etc.
Now on to the train of thought...
It would be a lie if I said that turning 22 does not bring a flurry of emotions, thoughts, etc sometimes.
I feel like I've gone a long way since my freshman year at FGCU.
I feel, in retrospect, that I've been wasting my time for all these past 3 years, particularly my sophomore year (ugggggghhhh, why did I waste my time hanging around with Kristina? Fucking stupid, the whole thing. We had nothing in common really, she was a bipolar fool). The idea fills me with regret. Although I have nothing against my freshmen year per se, a lot of "big things" that year went nowhere afterwards thanks to Joe.
Joe, now that's an interesting character to talk about. Ever since the latter part of my sophomore year he has been getting more...erratic and even detestable. He's purely a selfish man, I doubt he understands empathetic love per se. He has such a silly obsession with girls that have a certain kind of skin tone, with a particular affinity for latinas. I recall once that he complained about my taste in women (Silvia and Kristina, but this was in the past and I don't like one and despise the other) yet he has an even worst taste (I mean, c'mon, Keishla is not pretty). I doubt he looks primarily towards personality when it comes to this, after all he preferred Keishla to the point of cheating Sam (and Sam has a more interesting personality). Talking about Sam, that recalls to me the whole incident when he left Florida. It looks like he forgot all about his than-girlfriend, his friends, etc just so he can run-off back home.
Since we're on the subject of people, I would like to say a few words about Kristina. Perhaps I should have trusted my gut or got information that night when Shana took me off to some blunt cruise or whatever, but all in all it seems she only wanted to use me. She was one of the most pathetic persons I've met despite her independence, she always stays tied to her ridiculous on-off boyfriend who treats her like shit and is nothing special really. She once complained about why she has so much "drama" in our life or whatever but she personally sets herself up for this shit.
Onwards
I'm quite surprised that Brittany has only recently become a good friend of mine yet I known her since freshmen year, long before I met any of the people I already mentioned here. It reminds me of the saying "sometimes what you're looking for is already right in front of you."
It makes me frustrated and sad that I didn't try harder in the past at learning the guitar...
But enough about retrospectives and that past, let's talk about now.
Yesterday, the early part of yesterday, I felt such a sense of being overwhelmed by the world.
[Relatively] "Soon," I have to graduate, soon, I have to get into grad school (will I get into grad school?), soon, I will have to completely support myself...
Will I ever learn to play the guitar? Will I ever find love? Will I ever succeed in my goals?
It's all overwhelming, it filled me with a sense of frustration, dread, and fear.
Talking about fear, in a way I'm slightly afraid of falling in love.
Especially ever since Melissa, I just don't want to fall into unrequited/un-reciprocated love.
There's nothing good or happy out of un-reciprocated love, yet I cannot control my emotions (at least not fully).
I quite fancy her, but I still think she's way way way over my league.......
dammit FML
I guess there's no love for people like me...
It came and went, no milestone was reach particularly. The only outstanding "event" to occur was the rolling of a rather large and big joint.
Than came March 3rd, where we took a roadtrip to see bright eyes and cursive in concert at Orlando. The trip was quite fine, despite a wind-caused small mishap of no consequence.
The concert was "wild" in the sense that Brittany and I were the most trouble-making trying to get to the front. I won't get into details. I blame it at the alcohol, but during the whole duration of the concert it became apparent to me that being at the front was where the excitement was at relative to being at the deck; but I can't really say for sure since the position where my other friends decided to stick around had a bad view. Thus, after this experience I surely am determined to reach the front whenever I can even if it would require some shenanigans.
Outside of the dynamic duo's struggle to get to the front, the concert was rather tame relative to of Montreal. Cursive however played really well and Bright Eyes as well, but I was more surprised at Cursive since I had my doubts. Perhaps their music is just more suitable live or the great songs they picked (outside of "From the hips" which we sang along to) I haven't heard before (which gave me a doubtful impression beforehand).
The concert was also shorter it seemed...but no big deal. I can't wait for the next concert and to be honest I think next time, if I had a car, I would probably only have Brittany tag along so I wouldn't be dragged down by people who do not want to go to the front row/etc.
Now on to the train of thought...
It would be a lie if I said that turning 22 does not bring a flurry of emotions, thoughts, etc sometimes.
I feel like I've gone a long way since my freshman year at FGCU.
I feel, in retrospect, that I've been wasting my time for all these past 3 years, particularly my sophomore year (ugggggghhhh, why did I waste my time hanging around with Kristina? Fucking stupid, the whole thing. We had nothing in common really, she was a bipolar fool). The idea fills me with regret. Although I have nothing against my freshmen year per se, a lot of "big things" that year went nowhere afterwards thanks to Joe.
Joe, now that's an interesting character to talk about. Ever since the latter part of my sophomore year he has been getting more...erratic and even detestable. He's purely a selfish man, I doubt he understands empathetic love per se. He has such a silly obsession with girls that have a certain kind of skin tone, with a particular affinity for latinas. I recall once that he complained about my taste in women (Silvia and Kristina, but this was in the past and I don't like one and despise the other) yet he has an even worst taste (I mean, c'mon, Keishla is not pretty). I doubt he looks primarily towards personality when it comes to this, after all he preferred Keishla to the point of cheating Sam (and Sam has a more interesting personality). Talking about Sam, that recalls to me the whole incident when he left Florida. It looks like he forgot all about his than-girlfriend, his friends, etc just so he can run-off back home.
Since we're on the subject of people, I would like to say a few words about Kristina. Perhaps I should have trusted my gut or got information that night when Shana took me off to some blunt cruise or whatever, but all in all it seems she only wanted to use me. She was one of the most pathetic persons I've met despite her independence, she always stays tied to her ridiculous on-off boyfriend who treats her like shit and is nothing special really. She once complained about why she has so much "drama" in our life or whatever but she personally sets herself up for this shit.
Onwards
I'm quite surprised that Brittany has only recently become a good friend of mine yet I known her since freshmen year, long before I met any of the people I already mentioned here. It reminds me of the saying "sometimes what you're looking for is already right in front of you."
It makes me frustrated and sad that I didn't try harder in the past at learning the guitar...
But enough about retrospectives and that past, let's talk about now.
Yesterday, the early part of yesterday, I felt such a sense of being overwhelmed by the world.
[Relatively] "Soon," I have to graduate, soon, I have to get into grad school (will I get into grad school?), soon, I will have to completely support myself...
Will I ever learn to play the guitar? Will I ever find love? Will I ever succeed in my goals?
It's all overwhelming, it filled me with a sense of frustration, dread, and fear.
Talking about fear, in a way I'm slightly afraid of falling in love.
Especially ever since Melissa, I just don't want to fall into unrequited/un-reciprocated love.
There's nothing good or happy out of un-reciprocated love, yet I cannot control my emotions (at least not fully).
I quite fancy her, but I still think she's way way way over my league.......
dammit FML
I guess there's no love for people like me...