Is desperation not far?
It seems that this Spring Break brought more torment than it did peace.
I probably deserve most of what's happened to me, though.
I also filled out a profile on a Gay Sugar Daddies website. Sounds crazy, right? Well, times are tough, and while I doubt anything will come of it, I don't have much in terms of personal resources unless I want to submit to my parents.
It's still so surreal... last year, for the first half and then some... my life had turned around. Things were looking up. I thought I had it made, and everything was going to be ok. Yet here I sit in my room, not sure how I'm going to afford to live, no interest in college, no money, no boyfriend, trouble at work...
You never really know what's going to happen when you're a person like me. My parents have no clue about what's going on in my life right now, and I am frightened to let them know. Suicide has been a thought for awhile too long. I've even mentally pictured different attempts from time to time. I would say I have depression, but it wouldn't solve a thing. Going to the doctor to have me "checked" would just cost more money, and if I am found to have depression, then there's the medication battle. Which one is the right one, awkward therapy sessions, and of course, even more money dumped into the medical field at my parent's expense.
My mother recently had thyroid problems, and it's going to cost my parents a pretty penny.
Can you see why I filled out a profile on a Gay Sugar Daddy website? I am running out of resources quickly. I'm not sure where I'll even be at next year. I can't even join the military because of my weight and because I am gay.
I wish I could just stay in my room and sleep all of this off like a bad dream. Hope is fleeting. No, I'm not going to be on the streets or anything. Yet in all honesty, life as a prostitute is even starting to sound viable. Not that I would get any clients.
I hope Qba is happy. Happy that he basically shit in my face and left me just before the time of my life where I would have needed him the most. These aren't his problems, though, they are mine.
I just wish I knew what to do. It seems my only option is to look for another job and pray I find one. No one is going to take care of Danforth except for Danforth. If I were lucky enough to find a man that could take care of me and didn't mind me when I get a bit moody now and then, well... let's just say it might be a dream come true. I'd even do his dishes and clean his bathroom. XD
I probably deserve most of what's happened to me, though.
I also filled out a profile on a Gay Sugar Daddies website. Sounds crazy, right? Well, times are tough, and while I doubt anything will come of it, I don't have much in terms of personal resources unless I want to submit to my parents.
It's still so surreal... last year, for the first half and then some... my life had turned around. Things were looking up. I thought I had it made, and everything was going to be ok. Yet here I sit in my room, not sure how I'm going to afford to live, no interest in college, no money, no boyfriend, trouble at work...
You never really know what's going to happen when you're a person like me. My parents have no clue about what's going on in my life right now, and I am frightened to let them know. Suicide has been a thought for awhile too long. I've even mentally pictured different attempts from time to time. I would say I have depression, but it wouldn't solve a thing. Going to the doctor to have me "checked" would just cost more money, and if I am found to have depression, then there's the medication battle. Which one is the right one, awkward therapy sessions, and of course, even more money dumped into the medical field at my parent's expense.
My mother recently had thyroid problems, and it's going to cost my parents a pretty penny.
Can you see why I filled out a profile on a Gay Sugar Daddy website? I am running out of resources quickly. I'm not sure where I'll even be at next year. I can't even join the military because of my weight and because I am gay.
I wish I could just stay in my room and sleep all of this off like a bad dream. Hope is fleeting. No, I'm not going to be on the streets or anything. Yet in all honesty, life as a prostitute is even starting to sound viable. Not that I would get any clients.
I hope Qba is happy. Happy that he basically shit in my face and left me just before the time of my life where I would have needed him the most. These aren't his problems, though, they are mine.
I just wish I knew what to do. It seems my only option is to look for another job and pray I find one. No one is going to take care of Danforth except for Danforth. If I were lucky enough to find a man that could take care of me and didn't mind me when I get a bit moody now and then, well... let's just say it might be a dream come true. I'd even do his dishes and clean his bathroom. XD