[huge sigh]

Apr 07, 2009 21:48

i fired someone for the first time today.  obviously, there's parts that are shitty.  however, i stopped a train.  i stopped a train that had the same energy as sunnie.  one that could have led me back into that place i was back then.  one that i never want to go back to.  ever.  all this time i was so hyperactively aware of playing out those same roles in my romantic relationships, that i forgot all the other relationships in my life.  and there i went, drawing in a friend and then bringing her into my place of work..... probably subconsciously knowing what would happen.  and it did.  and i had to stop it.  at least it didn't last three years.  at least  i didn't let that much of myself go this time.  i hear it gets easier with practice.  maybe next time i won't let it get as far as it did.  i am both proud of myself and horrified.  i know what i need to do to survive this chapter and i know the ramifications.
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