Apr 07, 2009 21:48
i fired someone for the first time today. obviously, there's parts that are shitty. however, i stopped a train. i stopped a train that had the same energy as sunnie. one that could have led me back into that place i was back then. one that i never want to go back to. ever. all this time i was so hyperactively aware of playing out those same roles in my romantic relationships, that i forgot all the other relationships in my life. and there i went, drawing in a friend and then bringing her into my place of work..... probably subconsciously knowing what would happen. and it did. and i had to stop it. at least it didn't last three years. at least i didn't let that much of myself go this time. i hear it gets easier with practice. maybe next time i won't let it get as far as it did. i am both proud of myself and horrified. i know what i need to do to survive this chapter and i know the ramifications.