CW Class: Fear
My mother thinks that she's going to die soon. I think she's overreacting but neither her nor my father take good care of themselves, so maybe she's not and I just don't want to think about it.
A part of me feels distanced from my family since I see them so rarely. And a part of me keeps whispering that I'll be okay if and when something happens to them. But a whisper is just a lie, if it was a truth, it would shout to make itself known. As much as I sometimes feel disconnected to my family, I do love them and I can't picture my life without my mother being there.
Maybe what she's said has made me feel uneasy. Maybe that's why I've been calling her three times a week for the past few weeks instead of the usual once a week call.
Of course, my mother didn't tell me she thinks she's going to die soon. She told my sister, who told me. Maybe she didn't want to talk to me about it because every time she talks about me, my sister and my sister's daughter inheriting her jewelry collection, I always tell her I would rather have her. I do avoid the topic because I'm not ready to lose her.
I know Lynette is afraid of losing her parents. I also know her parents are in about the same shape my parents are in, which is no shape at all. I've tried to talk to Lynette about it but I think she's even more afraid of it than I am. I think one of her fears is that her mother will die first and she and her sister will have to deal with their father without their mother's buffer. He's a difficult man. I'm not afraid of having to deal with my father without my mother, I'm more afraid that we'll lose connection even more. For all that I talk to my mother each week, I often go a month with less than ten words spoken to my father. It's nothing mean or anything, no estrangement or fight, it's just that we don't have a lot to talk about. When we all get together we talk, just not over the phone.
I think that tonight, it's okay to pretend everything is just fine.
A part of me feels distanced from my family since I see them so rarely. And a part of me keeps whispering that I'll be okay if and when something happens to them. But a whisper is just a lie, if it was a truth, it would shout to make itself known. As much as I sometimes feel disconnected to my family, I do love them and I can't picture my life without my mother being there.
Maybe what she's said has made me feel uneasy. Maybe that's why I've been calling her three times a week for the past few weeks instead of the usual once a week call.
Of course, my mother didn't tell me she thinks she's going to die soon. She told my sister, who told me. Maybe she didn't want to talk to me about it because every time she talks about me, my sister and my sister's daughter inheriting her jewelry collection, I always tell her I would rather have her. I do avoid the topic because I'm not ready to lose her.
I know Lynette is afraid of losing her parents. I also know her parents are in about the same shape my parents are in, which is no shape at all. I've tried to talk to Lynette about it but I think she's even more afraid of it than I am. I think one of her fears is that her mother will die first and she and her sister will have to deal with their father without their mother's buffer. He's a difficult man. I'm not afraid of having to deal with my father without my mother, I'm more afraid that we'll lose connection even more. For all that I talk to my mother each week, I often go a month with less than ten words spoken to my father. It's nothing mean or anything, no estrangement or fight, it's just that we don't have a lot to talk about. When we all get together we talk, just not over the phone.
I think that tonight, it's okay to pretend everything is just fine.