here's the thing...most people don't know what they want or even need to do, but usually just pick some arbitrary thing and run with it because it makes life easier. then there's the other group of people that won't settle for less than what they want. problem with that being that the people that won't settle are usually the ones that don't know where they're going. i can sit here and tell you that at some point you have to make a choice, but that's really not true, and i don't believe that that's necessarily good advice. in fact, i'm doing the exact opposite of that right now in my life. i'm attempting to stall so i can figure things out. i mean, i'm taking the fall semester to go to Tokyo and study things that will never be relevant to anything that i major in. why am i doing this? because i can't stand sitting around and not knowing what i want, so i might as well have some fun while i'm doing it. thing is, most people don't know where they're going or at least don't know why they're going there, sometimes both, but it doesn't hurt to have some company for the trip, even if your only friend is yourself. on the topic of friends and others, you can never really burden anyone, or force anyone to be burdened. people have feelings, and people have friends. therefore your friends will feel for you, they will attempt to be empathetic and usually be sympathetic. that's what friends are around for. would you not feel the same way for them if they were having trouble with something, with anything really? that's the thing about egocentrism, it's good sometimes if you're trying to figure things out for yourself, but it's far too easy to fall into the pit of apathy and lose your empathy. if you don't like the way things are going, it is entirely within your power to change some or all aspects of your life. you always have the power to choose and the power to change. no one and nothing can take that away from you. try something new, take a leap of faith. if that doesn't work, try again. make new experiences for yourself and learn from them. find what you're looking for. it's so easy to resolve yourself to apathy, but life is worth fighting for. you've only got so long, you only live this life once. make something happen, because life won't always dump everything right into your lap, though it's sure nice when it does. i've got faith in you, i've seen what you're capable of, and if all the assholes in this world can make something out of theirselves then a couple of legit nice guys like us can make it too. tomorrow i'll be home for the summer, and i want to make it a point to see you and the band whenever possible. i'm trying to reconnect with everything that i feel like i've lost my connections to. relax about things, take it one day at a time, and you'll do alright.
thanks, man. i've never felt bold enough to take a step onto the other side of the world like you're doing, but i see your point. upon further rumination, though, i've found that i probably just need to finish something... anything at all. "mike taylor encounters 'horatic bird'," even... and then i'll feel like i'm getting somewhere. but it's good to keep in mind that there are folks like you as well, who are in a similar situation ambiguous-future-wise, but handling it more constructively. it gives me a reasonable model to work from. so thanks again.
peace and love
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and way to quote "morality leach." ;-D
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