I'm a girl and you're a boy lalalalalalala

[indievixen]

The Smiths remind me of college. I would go out tonight but I haven't got a stitch to wear.... Zach. Dan M. John OB. Reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Making mix CDs. Dancing until my hair was matted to my face and my clothes had to be peeled off.

I got confused, I killed a horse, I can't help the way I feel. Walking to the music building

Comments

autumn, the smiths, bret easton ellis-we're the same person!

[jewelbox21]

i try so hard to like me better, now, and mostly i do. my friend sent a text to everyone tonight about going dancing, and it's like i question myself - do i even remember how? can you dance to 'smalltown boy' if you aren't an alcoholic malcontent? i know that i can, i truly do, but those times are so imprinted on my brain in such a specific way, it's like i'd hate to ruin them with sobriety.i don't know where i'm going, and i think that's the worst part. i know exactly where i have been, i know just how horribly horribly painful depression and anxiety and alienating eccentricity can be, and i also know the immense amount of romance contained in unreality. being sad to that extent doesn't skew reality completely for the worse, which most people who never experience it don't realize. and that's the seduction. but i feel like once i disentangled myself from that life, even though there are probably books and books of memories from it, i would rather feel things to the most passionate extent, even if the lack of self-distruction means a lack of provocation.that self-destructive way of provocation and boredom prevention involves a continual escalation to ensure continual excitement, and eventually i think most people arrive at a point where nothing provokes them, not even with the aid of alcohol. i think the problem is that i haven't quite figured out ways to provoke the best in me in a way that is not sad, drunk, and doesn't involve immolation. please, let me know when you do, or already have, and we'll compare notes(i think that's also a big problem - finding people for lovely activities like visiting le cezanne in wyoming or visiting cemetaries in winter or having dinner parties. these things are just as memorable, but there seem to be a loooot of people in their mid- to late twenties who are still stuck on an alcoholic zombie dream that doesn't exist).