when you just feel the need...
Well, this is my first entry in about 6 months...i don't know why, but i just feel the need to right something on here again. Maybe it's a good place for all of my thoughts. 6 months down the line...i'm still pretty much in the same boat. I was meant to move to leeds on the 1st august, but sadly it never happened...and it's at times like these when i wish it did! I'm feeling a little down at the moment, it's almost a year since my grandma died (22nd October) and i'm feeling very emotional. My brother and his girlfriend have just moved to london to start a new life...and everything seems to be working out. Then there is me...still here...not moving...no motivation. I need something to come along, an amazing offer or even win the lottery and sit on my fat ass all day, but, i can only dream of that. I guess i just need to start working towards something, something that i really want to do? But what do i want to do? I have no idea! I know i'm still only young but i'm not going to be forever. I know i should be happy and i deserve to be...but honestly, i'm not. Things just seem to be getting harder everyday at the moment...each day is a waste. Maybe i should go back into hairdressing? but i can't afford to do that. i've got my independence now...but it's leaving me with nothing. I'm still just as unhappy as i was when i was still at home. It wasn't independence i needed it seems. I need drive and motivation, it's just a case of finding the right opportunity i guess. I feel like i'm starting to get sucked back into that horrible hole that i was in before...but i'm not letting myself go. I'm stronger than this.