It is late, very late
I realize that in writing down some of the things I have that I could drive some people away from me. But when it comes down to it I would much rather be as honest as I can be and get things out than pretend away any part of me into a ghostly state of existence.
I don't like being numb and I think that's what happens when emotions are denied or ignored. I used to slightly dislike reading things with any hint of romance or discussion of the strong way they felt, and it held me back from doing the same. I was uncomfortable reading things about true love and some greater purpose, and afraid that if I wrote things out would be taken the wrong way, but since there's no way to control how what I have written is taken, I might as well let that worry go. It also dawned on me that I only felt uncomfortable with those things when I was in a certain state of mind. Once you are in a zone of emotion anything that comes close to capturing that feeling you so desperately want to never lose is worth doing and sometimes words are all we've got. Any feeling that intense is worth the risk of seeming silly. It's just too bad that sometimes words cannot fully capture that feeling. Like a photograph they are limited by the medium and the viewer. Only so much can be done before you just have that hope that people get what you want them to take out of what you have done. That being said, I hope that the next time I read something that is romantic or corny, I can relate it to something I have felt instead of just feeling uncomfortable or rolling my eyes. Arg, I might roll my eyes anyway.
I never want to think that my inner thoughts are so important or unique that I should share them because to me that would feel self-centered, something I never want to be (maybe I am anyway... damn). While I may be alone in some of the things I feel, I think I'm alright with sharing more of them now and I hope that I am really writing this for myself as I think I am.
I love attention, and it something I don't like about myself, but that high is a hard monkey to throw off the back and it may be something I never decide to kick.
I love the thought of being in love with somebody, but cannot stand the numbness I have found when I am actually with them. That is something I hope I can kick.
I would like to keep on writing tonight, but I am really really tired and it's bloody 4;45 in the morning. Got a lot to do tomorrow for campus life night, and I just hope I can pull it all off and ditch the stress I'm already feeling from it. That would be top notch.
I don't like being numb and I think that's what happens when emotions are denied or ignored. I used to slightly dislike reading things with any hint of romance or discussion of the strong way they felt, and it held me back from doing the same. I was uncomfortable reading things about true love and some greater purpose, and afraid that if I wrote things out would be taken the wrong way, but since there's no way to control how what I have written is taken, I might as well let that worry go. It also dawned on me that I only felt uncomfortable with those things when I was in a certain state of mind. Once you are in a zone of emotion anything that comes close to capturing that feeling you so desperately want to never lose is worth doing and sometimes words are all we've got. Any feeling that intense is worth the risk of seeming silly. It's just too bad that sometimes words cannot fully capture that feeling. Like a photograph they are limited by the medium and the viewer. Only so much can be done before you just have that hope that people get what you want them to take out of what you have done. That being said, I hope that the next time I read something that is romantic or corny, I can relate it to something I have felt instead of just feeling uncomfortable or rolling my eyes. Arg, I might roll my eyes anyway.
I never want to think that my inner thoughts are so important or unique that I should share them because to me that would feel self-centered, something I never want to be (maybe I am anyway... damn). While I may be alone in some of the things I feel, I think I'm alright with sharing more of them now and I hope that I am really writing this for myself as I think I am.
I love attention, and it something I don't like about myself, but that high is a hard monkey to throw off the back and it may be something I never decide to kick.
I love the thought of being in love with somebody, but cannot stand the numbness I have found when I am actually with them. That is something I hope I can kick.
I would like to keep on writing tonight, but I am really really tired and it's bloody 4;45 in the morning. Got a lot to do tomorrow for campus life night, and I just hope I can pull it all off and ditch the stress I'm already feeling from it. That would be top notch.