hey! its one of those cliche sad live journal posts.
Tomorrow is her birthday and i wish i could be there, or at least gain some feeling that she would want me there but i don't think thats going to happen. I never go into relationships halfway and i guess thats whats fucked me over, i was all in and she wasn't. In her mind i have changed and am no longer the strong person i was when we first met and that she just realized one day she didn't have the same strong feelings towards me. How feelings can change from something good to something so terrible in a matter of days is still beyond me. When we first broke up i didn't want to have a friendship because i thought it would be to hard and now that i do want a good friendship it feels like i am being pushed away after being told she still wanted me in her life. I try to hard apparently. Having a lot of close friends tell me she wasn't worth it isn't making this any easier because in my mind she was worth it. When we first started dating she told me she felt something special, then later on the line she said she could see her self with me for awhile. I guess i changed in that amount of time she told me that and now. I know for a fact i'm taking this harder then she is and i can't help it, its the way i am and the feelings i have. It seems like i can't make small talk with her on those few occasions i talk to her without saying the wrong thing and getting yelled at about how we aren't dating anymore. I wish she could see things through my eyes or at least that the people around me would understand what i saw and still see in her that makes me care this much. I still have hope that maybe one day we will get back together but everyone including her tells me its not going to happen and most of my mind thinks that way also, that we will never be together again but i always have a sliver of hope in everything. I haven't seen her since, its almost like she doesn't want to or won't let me go and see her which is probably for the better at this time. I wish she understood and i wish i could see her tomorrow. Happy 18th i hope you have the best birthday you have ever dreamed of i won't be there.