new times....
...so london shoulda rocked but (expectedly) i was way to upset to enjoy properly, n fear i may have come across as a really moody cow! however, on the fri nite, it turned out there were 3 divorces between 7 of us! n all were Much Much happier now.
oli continued to lie about EVERYTHING (inc who he was with n where he went ...Hmmmm) every single time we spoke. so i came back and had really had enough. Decided to give him some pure justice by reversing roles n acting like he does! i ignored him, came home late with no explainations or apologies, i didnt tell him when i was goin out n i didnt talk to him.
after just 2 days he was enraged by me even tho i was constantly civil n actually did nothing too painful, and i didnt lie to him bout anything. he then almost broke up with me and i was ready to just agree and start sorting out my own life, but suddenly i got scared! i found myself thinking...SHIT, i better tell him he can do whatever he wants, n treat me however shitly cos breaking up would seriously lose me my family.
luckily held my tongue on that one, but he ended with...lets go out, like old times, see if there is ANY chance.
so got dolled up, n we went out. technically nothing wrong, we talked fashion, world politics, n other random topics. he seemed to think it a success but i felt nothing, except disappointment that i didnt feel anything! think my heart never belonged here, but thought it would happen with time.
now we are making ok housemates, but i cant force my feelings any further into this.
have decided to concentrate on strengthening myself. today i worked out for an hour n felt good (body doesnt show it yet!) but next week i start badminton with a student from work, and will soon re-start salsa despite the strange disappearance of my last salsa partner, tristan.
no more waiting around to see what oli's up to before i make plans and start organising my head!
sorted.
oli continued to lie about EVERYTHING (inc who he was with n where he went ...Hmmmm) every single time we spoke. so i came back and had really had enough. Decided to give him some pure justice by reversing roles n acting like he does! i ignored him, came home late with no explainations or apologies, i didnt tell him when i was goin out n i didnt talk to him.
after just 2 days he was enraged by me even tho i was constantly civil n actually did nothing too painful, and i didnt lie to him bout anything. he then almost broke up with me and i was ready to just agree and start sorting out my own life, but suddenly i got scared! i found myself thinking...SHIT, i better tell him he can do whatever he wants, n treat me however shitly cos breaking up would seriously lose me my family.
luckily held my tongue on that one, but he ended with...lets go out, like old times, see if there is ANY chance.
so got dolled up, n we went out. technically nothing wrong, we talked fashion, world politics, n other random topics. he seemed to think it a success but i felt nothing, except disappointment that i didnt feel anything! think my heart never belonged here, but thought it would happen with time.
now we are making ok housemates, but i cant force my feelings any further into this.
have decided to concentrate on strengthening myself. today i worked out for an hour n felt good (body doesnt show it yet!) but next week i start badminton with a student from work, and will soon re-start salsa despite the strange disappearance of my last salsa partner, tristan.
no more waiting around to see what oli's up to before i make plans and start organising my head!
sorted.