(no subject)
I don't know why everything has been so up & down.
Chantal called me today, she was high
& I talked to Jessalyn a couple days ago
she was also high
is everyone doing drugs now?
Everything is so depressing
& I'm getting sick of pretending.
Writing isn't helping
not even fucking music is helping
I can't concentrate on anything
all I want to do is smash something.
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I can't stand my journal anymore.
Everytime I open it,
it's never on the blank page I should be writing on
it always opens to some entry that I don't wish to remember
to remember what I was feeling
during those moments in which it was being written.
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I don't understand myself
I never will
no matter how hard I'll ever try
I can never figure anyone else out
let alone myself.
I miss myself
really truly, I do
but I wanted change
& fuck, I got it.
Alas!
The life of a spoiled someone.
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These stories
I've totally destroyed them
ruined them
all of them.
They're gone..
Every inspiration
every wish
every dream
every fictional but possible thought
I've ever written down
is gone.
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I've been here before
I remember all of this
but this time I will resist the temptation to end everything.
I will overcome it..
but what will be the consequences?
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Even if I could teleport myself to the campout right this millisecond,
it wouldn't be fast enough.