Want to read a fun article?
What I'm currently posting is an article, written by an unnamed writer for the Western Gazette April Fool's edition. I have never really followed this newspaper before because I've always personally found the articles to be crap, but I have to share this with you. I would love to hear your thoughts so I have something constructive to write to the Equity Comission about. Please, read, enjoy, and share your comments.
"Labia Majora Carnage
by "Xavier"
Gazette Staff
Last night, local women hit the streets for the first ever Take Back the Nightie march.
The march was led by members of Western's Women's Issues Network, who, for the first time all year, left their circle in the University Community Centre, where witnesses claim they perform tribal dances and yell alienating slurs about pussies and cunts.
The march was organized because women were sick of wearing uncomfortable, soul-crushing lingerie for their boyfriends, lesbian lovers and partners whose gender aren't identifiable.
"My vagina told me she hates thongs... they're far too restrictive," said Jennifer Ostrich, a vocal WIN member. "And what my vagina wants, my vagina gets. Nighties are far more comfortable and practical. They let my vagina be free to the world so she can speak out and say whatever she wants."
Katie Conservative, another WIN member, said the march also aims to reclaim nighties from cross-dressing men who have bogarted white, crocheted, old-fashioned nighties for far too long.
"My vagina told me that for too long, men have taken things that are rightfully ours," Conservative said. "Tonight we take back nighties just like we took back hairy armpits and stilettos, even though trannies are still trying to steal them too."
Near the end of the march, chaos broke out when Ostrich's vagina crawled from under flowing white nightie, stole a loudspeaker and went on a rampage.
"How dare you act like you know what I have to say," the vagina screamed down Richmond Row.
"You don't know me, bee-otch," it squealed. "You can't even see me through all this hair you've let over-grow. Think of me. I can't even breathe down here!"
Upon seeing the chaos, London Police Chief Murray Faulkner stopped greasing his nightstick and intervened.
He grabbed the loudspeaker from Ostrich's wild vagina and took it into a dark alley to teach it a lesson.
To Ostrich's dismay, the vagina followed, giggling as it said, "I love it when a man in uniform takes control."
Women were delighted to see groups of men standing on the sidewalks in support.
"It was so great to see men supporting us in our nighties and helping us to spread vagina peace and love," Conservative said.
One man held a sign that read, "Yeah baby, I'll take back your nightie anytime!"
What the marchers couldn't see was that the men were using their penises as the beat off to the women in their long, flowing garbs.
"It takes a little imagination, but once you picture them without the nasty dreadlocks, the hideous piercings, the hairy pits and the beards, some of them are actually kinda hot," said Cocky McFratboy, while taking a break from masturbating.
The event ended when a man sent WIN into a screaming, tribal frenzy by yelling, "You want an opinion! With a push-up bra, you could actually have a nice rack of lamb going on there!"
This article is property of the University of Western Ontario and I take no responsibility for what is written, nor do I endorce it in any way.
"Labia Majora Carnage
by "Xavier"
Gazette Staff
Last night, local women hit the streets for the first ever Take Back the Nightie march.
The march was led by members of Western's Women's Issues Network, who, for the first time all year, left their circle in the University Community Centre, where witnesses claim they perform tribal dances and yell alienating slurs about pussies and cunts.
The march was organized because women were sick of wearing uncomfortable, soul-crushing lingerie for their boyfriends, lesbian lovers and partners whose gender aren't identifiable.
"My vagina told me she hates thongs... they're far too restrictive," said Jennifer Ostrich, a vocal WIN member. "And what my vagina wants, my vagina gets. Nighties are far more comfortable and practical. They let my vagina be free to the world so she can speak out and say whatever she wants."
Katie Conservative, another WIN member, said the march also aims to reclaim nighties from cross-dressing men who have bogarted white, crocheted, old-fashioned nighties for far too long.
"My vagina told me that for too long, men have taken things that are rightfully ours," Conservative said. "Tonight we take back nighties just like we took back hairy armpits and stilettos, even though trannies are still trying to steal them too."
Near the end of the march, chaos broke out when Ostrich's vagina crawled from under flowing white nightie, stole a loudspeaker and went on a rampage.
"How dare you act like you know what I have to say," the vagina screamed down Richmond Row.
"You don't know me, bee-otch," it squealed. "You can't even see me through all this hair you've let over-grow. Think of me. I can't even breathe down here!"
Upon seeing the chaos, London Police Chief Murray Faulkner stopped greasing his nightstick and intervened.
He grabbed the loudspeaker from Ostrich's wild vagina and took it into a dark alley to teach it a lesson.
To Ostrich's dismay, the vagina followed, giggling as it said, "I love it when a man in uniform takes control."
Women were delighted to see groups of men standing on the sidewalks in support.
"It was so great to see men supporting us in our nighties and helping us to spread vagina peace and love," Conservative said.
One man held a sign that read, "Yeah baby, I'll take back your nightie anytime!"
What the marchers couldn't see was that the men were using their penises as the beat off to the women in their long, flowing garbs.
"It takes a little imagination, but once you picture them without the nasty dreadlocks, the hideous piercings, the hairy pits and the beards, some of them are actually kinda hot," said Cocky McFratboy, while taking a break from masturbating.
The event ended when a man sent WIN into a screaming, tribal frenzy by yelling, "You want an opinion! With a push-up bra, you could actually have a nice rack of lamb going on there!"
This article is property of the University of Western Ontario and I take no responsibility for what is written, nor do I endorce it in any way.