answer
God is so amazing. He really truly is. Not even an hour after I wrote the last post, I got my answer.... just friends... for now.
It's funny how calm I am. I'm sad. But I'm no longer confused or hurt or torn. I know that this is all in God's hands now, and what is meant to be will happen. I truly love Matt with all of my heart. I have never felt this way about anyone in my life. Nor have I ever felt such willingness to step back. I'm not hurt either. Just sad. I don't think this is over. I think Matt and I have many, many more chapters in our lives together. Except for I am not the one that is writing them, and neither is he. I truly believe that when he says he love me, he means it. He has respect for me and I truly believe that he would not say those words to me knowing how badly they can hurt in false pretenses.
Now the question is to go to DC or to not to go. I don't know what I should do on this incident. I know that each of us desperately want to see each other. But if we are there would we be strong enough not to do something insanely stupid that would ruin our future? Would me being there rush the feelings that God wants us to what for? Maybe we still need the distance. Maybe that is the only way that we can grow and heal and be able to come together again. I don't want our selfishness and desires to interfere with Gods plans that he has for us.
May God give us the wisdom to know what to do, hold our tongues when needed, and keep feelings at bay until it's in his time to reveal them...
It's funny how calm I am. I'm sad. But I'm no longer confused or hurt or torn. I know that this is all in God's hands now, and what is meant to be will happen. I truly love Matt with all of my heart. I have never felt this way about anyone in my life. Nor have I ever felt such willingness to step back. I'm not hurt either. Just sad. I don't think this is over. I think Matt and I have many, many more chapters in our lives together. Except for I am not the one that is writing them, and neither is he. I truly believe that when he says he love me, he means it. He has respect for me and I truly believe that he would not say those words to me knowing how badly they can hurt in false pretenses.
Now the question is to go to DC or to not to go. I don't know what I should do on this incident. I know that each of us desperately want to see each other. But if we are there would we be strong enough not to do something insanely stupid that would ruin our future? Would me being there rush the feelings that God wants us to what for? Maybe we still need the distance. Maybe that is the only way that we can grow and heal and be able to come together again. I don't want our selfishness and desires to interfere with Gods plans that he has for us.
May God give us the wisdom to know what to do, hold our tongues when needed, and keep feelings at bay until it's in his time to reveal them...