So I decided to update...
Hmmm...home for the holidays and I couldn't be happier. Except that I had to take everything home since I am moving into a new dorm. Yes, the Jimmy was packed out. I still haven't finished unpacking all the stuff. I am living off the clothes I wash.
It is very strange to not see the people that I see everyday, even say goodnight to on a regular basis at school. I miss them, but I've always enjoyed change. In this case, it is a return to what was, I suppose.
I don't update this thing much because I figure no one really reads it...and I like to post something significant when I do put something on here.
Lately I've been evaluating a lot of things in my life. First, why am I asked if I have a boyfriend everytime I come home?! Well...I haven't ever and still do not have one. And I'm okay with that. Really. I am content with myself without a boy right now, and I'm actually kinda enjoying that feeling. I do miss the companionship that goes along with it though. I've decided that I need someone more on my "level", and I have not been able to find him yet. Well, I find him and then I meet his girlfriend =/. I just don't want to settle. I guess I'm waiting for that guy to come up to me and say something witty because he's attracted to me; but it just doesn't happen. And sometimes you want to like someone, anyone, so bad, but that never works either. It just gets lonely sometimes, especially at school.
I also hate associating myself with mean people. I don't like being mean, and I certainly don't like being around it. These people are usually the same ones that are talking about people instead of real issues. I'm tired of listening to petty conversation and never sharing what I feel. I need some deep talk time. I don't need judgement. I need venting and understanding. Someone on my level. I want to feel significant, like I really mean something to someone. Not just the silly, "aw, i love you." Not even I love you, really. I just want to know that I am truly appreciated and cared about, and not there for people to use me for things, even just for correcting essays. That gets old quick. Which kinda brings me back to the boy.
My perfect relationship will be me and him sitting in a book store or coffee shop just talking. Not about everyday things, necessarily. Definitely not she said he said stuff. About our likes, funny stories that involve us, our strong opinions on things. And there won't be any judging. Just listening and admiration. Because even though we might disagree on something, we will respect one another's opinions enough to not try to persuade the other to our side. Everything will be completely open. Even now there are so many things that I cannot tell so many people. It's being caged up and I hate it. I hate drifting away from people and I hate the awkward silences that replace what once was streaming conversation. I hate not seeing people for forever, and I hate not seeing them long enough when I do. I hate close-mindedness and shadiness and gossiping. I hate that I can't get to sleep right now. And I hate growing up.
I guess I'm just scared. I don't want to be an old maid and I am so afraid of losing touch with all of my friends, even if right now I'm too busy to keep up with anyone. I hope this holiday will be good for me, and that a lot of these feelings will go away. I see a long line of long talks ahead of me....
It is very strange to not see the people that I see everyday, even say goodnight to on a regular basis at school. I miss them, but I've always enjoyed change. In this case, it is a return to what was, I suppose.
I don't update this thing much because I figure no one really reads it...and I like to post something significant when I do put something on here.
Lately I've been evaluating a lot of things in my life. First, why am I asked if I have a boyfriend everytime I come home?! Well...I haven't ever and still do not have one. And I'm okay with that. Really. I am content with myself without a boy right now, and I'm actually kinda enjoying that feeling. I do miss the companionship that goes along with it though. I've decided that I need someone more on my "level", and I have not been able to find him yet. Well, I find him and then I meet his girlfriend =/. I just don't want to settle. I guess I'm waiting for that guy to come up to me and say something witty because he's attracted to me; but it just doesn't happen. And sometimes you want to like someone, anyone, so bad, but that never works either. It just gets lonely sometimes, especially at school.
I also hate associating myself with mean people. I don't like being mean, and I certainly don't like being around it. These people are usually the same ones that are talking about people instead of real issues. I'm tired of listening to petty conversation and never sharing what I feel. I need some deep talk time. I don't need judgement. I need venting and understanding. Someone on my level. I want to feel significant, like I really mean something to someone. Not just the silly, "aw, i love you." Not even I love you, really. I just want to know that I am truly appreciated and cared about, and not there for people to use me for things, even just for correcting essays. That gets old quick. Which kinda brings me back to the boy.
My perfect relationship will be me and him sitting in a book store or coffee shop just talking. Not about everyday things, necessarily. Definitely not she said he said stuff. About our likes, funny stories that involve us, our strong opinions on things. And there won't be any judging. Just listening and admiration. Because even though we might disagree on something, we will respect one another's opinions enough to not try to persuade the other to our side. Everything will be completely open. Even now there are so many things that I cannot tell so many people. It's being caged up and I hate it. I hate drifting away from people and I hate the awkward silences that replace what once was streaming conversation. I hate not seeing people for forever, and I hate not seeing them long enough when I do. I hate close-mindedness and shadiness and gossiping. I hate that I can't get to sleep right now. And I hate growing up.
I guess I'm just scared. I don't want to be an old maid and I am so afraid of losing touch with all of my friends, even if right now I'm too busy to keep up with anyone. I hope this holiday will be good for me, and that a lot of these feelings will go away. I see a long line of long talks ahead of me....