Mission T03: Baby Moon's Gift
Torchwood is a 'pretty much anything goes' fandom. That includes genderswitch fic. I don't have a problem with that, per se, except when it is done badly.
A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics from Baby Moon's Gift by Bry-Jack.
-oOo-
Tasmin eyed the basket that had just arrived suspiciously. In it sat a page-a-day calender that occasionally waved a thick orange tail.
"What is it?" she finally asked her partner who sat by the basket petting the calender.
"It's a mini-Monday. His name is Garfeild."
Tasmin nodded her head knowingly. A mini came into being whenever a character's name was misspelled. Minis often shared character trades with the canon they were named after. In this case Garfield. "At least he will sleep a lot." She shrugged her shoulders.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
Tasmin turned around and walked over to the console. "A new mission in Torchwood. Do you have time for it?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Not really. Suggestions for a disguise?"
Emma got up and grinned. "Let's go in as the Face of Boe."
Tasmin looked at her partner. "The Face of Boe is a big head in a fish tank. How's that even practical?"
"Probably not," Emma said after a moment's ponder. "Just don't make us pizza delivery people again. They're boring."
"Fair enough." Tasmin tapped the keys on the console and a portal opened. The two agents grabbed their bags and stepped into the story.
-oOo-
"You're that Japanese fellow. What's his name?" Emma clicked her fingers to think of the name.
"Doctor Tanizaki," Tasmin offered.
"Tanizaki. That's the one." Emma looked herself over. "I also seem to be a man in a suit. Who am I?"
"Bilis Manger."
"Oh, great." Emma did not sound too pleased. "Nothing that can be done about that now. Let's just get on with this fic." She looked round the room noting the table, some assorted gadgets and Ianto and Owen. "Charge one, not a clue as to where we are." She dug through her shoulder bag to retrieve a pen and pad and made a note of the charge.
Owen was playing with a small sphere-shaped object. Ianto told him to put it down.
Nothing was written about it, just it’s name and that no one was to play with it as it would change lives forever.
"Well, that's ominous, isn't it?" Emma said. "Owen's playing with an object he shouldn't be playing with. Do I feel the plot nudging there?"
"Oh, it gets even more ominous." Tasmin pointed at the Words a sentence below.
“What do you think it does?”
“I don’t know, but what I do know is that whatever it does is irreversible.”
"How does he know that? Nothing was written about the thing just that it would change lives. It didn't even say irreversibly change lives." Emma scribbled some more on her pad.
"Welcome to the wonderful world of contrived plot device. Today's episode will feature the Baby Moon."
Owen put the object on the table and left. Moments later the sphere started shining brighter and the temperature in the room rose. Ianto tried to shield his eyes, and passed out.
Suddenly a breeze picked up in doors.
"Time rift!" Tasmin said. "I can't tell how long it will be so just grab something with a firm foundation, and hold on."
But there was nothing to hold on to and both agents were flung across the room by the strong time rift winds. Groggily they got up when the winds had died down.
“What happened down there?”
Emma held her head and moaned. "I can't even tell who's doing the talking at the moment."
Tasmin squinted her eyes and looked at the Words. "That's because there aren't any speech tags. I think it's Jack, Owen and Tosh talking. Ianto's probably still passed out."
"No, I think he is just about to wake up." Emma pointed in the direction of Ianto.
Sitting up sharply he also noted that his body not only hurt, but felt different. Putting his hands on his head he felt long hair that by the looks of it fell to his waist. From his hair to his face he felt sharper check bones, fuller lips and long eye lashes. Moving down not only did he notice that his Adam’s apple and penis was gone, but in place was two breast,
The two agents burst out laughing. The fic had followed the directions of the Words to the letter. And seeing Ianto with two breast, one dangling from his neck, the other in place of his penis, was even too much for Tasmin to keep her composure. Emma held on to her partner to keep herself from doubling over and falling back to the ground.
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!” Ianto screamed as she swung her legs off the table, turning to look at all three face on.
The breast on Ianto's neck bounced around as he spoke. Emma took in hiccuping breaths. She pushed her notepad at Tasmin.
Tasmin took it with a grunt. To her the joke had already warn off. She made a note of the botched up sex-change, the punctuation, and of the pronoun used. "Ianto's a he," she said through gritted teeth. "Even if he's trapped in a female body; he's a he. Crossdressers are referred to as she when they're in drag because they want to be called 'she'. Ianto doesn't want to be called she, so he should be referred to as he."
Emma wiped a tear from her cheek. "I think you should also make a note of the fact he's got long hair now, because of course long hair is só feminine."
"I think the long hair goes with the plot of the Baby Moon changed things. It's allowable, even if somewhat sexist."
Ianto freaked out about being turned into a woman. He worried about how to tell his parents, which the agents thought understandable. He also worried about his flat and his credit cards. A trail of thought the agents did not follow.
"In the film Switch, where a man is turned into a woman," Emma said. "The guy just stayed in his own apartment. And I don't know about British credit cards, but my dad's doesn't have his gender on it. Even if it did, no one's going to know if you do your shopping over the Internet."
"Here." Tasmin pushed the notepad back to Emma. "Write those charges down."
While Emma scribbled the charges down Jack picked Ianto up and carried him off to his office in his arms. There Ianto cried and Jack consoled. He promised Ianto they would sort things out. Then he told Ianto to sleep on the sofa.
Jack went back to the others who were still hanging around in the autopsy pit. The two agents were also still there. Jack told what he thought the object was.
“I think it’s a ‘Little Moon’. Sort of like a sex change but without the hospital and all the mess. But that means Ianto is right and he is stuck a woman. FOREVER! So let’s pray I’m wrong.”
"Obviously, he's never heard of cosmetic surgery," Emma said. "Though, for some reason men who want to become women are more common, they also perform sex change operations on women who want to be men. I once saw a documentary where they had made the penis from the skin grafted from this person's forearm."
"Please stop talking. You have made your point."
The transition to the next day went easier than the previous transition, as this time a divider, of sorts, had been used. The agents followed Jack, Tosh and Owen to the conference room. A moment later Gwen arrived. Because they all looked tired she asked them if something had happened.
“Well…you could say something happened?”
Gwen turned to look at the door way only to see a young woman.
"Even Ianto's curious whether something has happened." Emma chuckled.
Owen called the woman Ianto and again apologized for turning him into a woman.
“OWEN, have you been drinking?! That’s not Ianto. Ianto’s a man, that’s a woman.”
"She's not very quick on the pick up, is she?"
"No," Tasmin replied. "But Gwen has been at Torchwood long enough to realize that strange things happen. She would not question what Owen had said; she would ask again what had happened."
Jack explained that Ianto had been changed by an object that had fallen through the Rift fifty years earlier. Then he started delegating: Owen would give Ianto a medical check up; Tosh make him new identification papers; and Ianto would think about whether or not to change his name.
Emma and Tasmin looked on in surprise.
"Uh, why is no one, and by that I mean Gwen, saying: 'but isn't there anything we can do'?"
"Or Ianto for that matter," Tasmin added. "It seems they all have already accepted that there is nothing that can be done. I would have thought it would take Ianto longer than this to accept the inevitable. He kept a Cyberwoman on life support because he believed she could be reconverted. Surely, it's going to take longer than a couple of hours of sleep to accept his own conversion."
"I'm guessing Ianto is the Sue of this story." Emma leant a little closer to her partner. She continued in a whisper: "But wouldn't that mean he could see us now?"
Both agents cautiously looked over at Ianto, who was looking at his hand as Jack held it.
"He doesn't seem to be bothered by us. I guess we're safe as long as canon is hanging on by a thread, but if he ever does decided he no longer can be called Ianto ... You get my point."
Emma nodded.
The agents turned their attention back to the conversation at the conference table. Jack had two options for Ianto concerning his parents.
"One -I go visit them and tell them that you died, or two -we retcon them."
"What good is retcon going to do?" Emma asked. "Is he going to wipe Ianto's entire existence from his parents' minds?"
"Don't ask me. I didn't write this fic. But it seems like it. Jack continues by saying that he favors retcon, 'cause that way Ianto will have someone normal to talk to outside Torchwood."
Emma gave her a puzzled look. "What? You can't find normal people in the pubs in Cardiff?"
"Again, I didn't write this fic."
Emma scribbled 'retconning family for contrived reason' on her pad. "Wouldn't it make more sense," she looked up, "to tell his family there was an accident at work, and then give them retcon if they respond poorly?"
Tasmin scratched her eyebrow. "Perhaps that was Jack's intention here."
"He didn't say it, so it doesn't count." Emma stuck her pen behind her ear.
The Torchwood crew set to work on the tasks Jack had assigned them. The scene went dark for a moment and when light returned two hours had passed. Ianto walked into Jack's office. The two agents walked into the office after him and Emma closed the door behind them.
Ianto stood by the window overlooking the Hub.
“I don’t think I can live like this…and I don’t think I’ll ever be really happy like this.” She whispered softly.
"Sex change, sex change, sex change," Emma sang. "Seriously, why has no one entertained this option yet? Do they all just assume that what alien magic brought about no human doctor's scalpel can undo?"
"I think we already covered the why-are-they-accepting-this-so-quickly point."
"Still, I'm going to bring it up every time I'm wondering just that."
Ianto cried into Jack's shoulder for ten minutes, while Jack tried to console him. Then Jack gave him some money so Ianto could buy new outfits and Ianto started on the list of everyone he needed retconned.
"Let's skip ahead a bit." Tasmin pulled the remote activator from one of her jacket pockets and opened a portal.
-oOo-
The portal brought the two agents to Ianto's apartment building. Ianto walked past them and started to climb the stairs to the top floor. Emma pointed to the elevator, but Tasmin shook her head. She pointed to Ianto and indicated that they should follow him. Emma sighed. The two agents started their ascent. They stopped short of the top floor as Ianto ran into a neighbor, and the agents would rather stay out of the visual range of any non-canon characters.
Ianto hadn't met this neighbour yet.
Turning to look at him she noticed that he was good looking -tall, skinny and looking at her with big brown eyes. He flashed her a cute smile, showing off his teeth. His hair was all over the place, but he sill look cool in his suit.
"The phrase 'his hair was all over the place' makes me picture him as King Kong's nephew," Emma commented.
"Well, women like apes," Tasmin replied and chuckled.
The ape introduced himself as James Brown. Which got him an eye rolling from both agents. Then they quickly rushed down the stairs and ran into the corridor of the floor below Ianto's as the ape was coming down the stairs. When they were certain he had passed they climbed up the stairs again. Tasmin picked the lock to Ianto's flat and the two agents let themselves in.
The flat had a big sitting area with six doors leading off to the kitchen, three spare bedrooms, a bathroom and the master bedroom which had an en-suite bathroom.
"Nice place." Emma let out a whistle of appreciation.
"Come, Ianto must be in his bedroom." Tasmin pulled Emma on her elbow.
The door to the bedroom stood ajar. The agents poked their heads around the door and saw Ianto standing before the big mirror.
She looked at her reflection as she started to pull of her clothes, well, not hers, they had belonged to someone who had worked at Torchwood Three, but no longer needed them for what ever reason…
"Ianto is accepting this all too quickly. He doesn't even think of his clothes anymore as his clothes," Emma said. "The least he could do is be upset he doesn't look so good in his suits anymore."
"That be more something for Jack to be upset about." Tasmin chuckled.
"Jack will screw anything as long as they're gorgeous; he doesn't care much about the packaging material."
Ianto studied his naked body.
Her skin was a milky white all over her body and dark hair between her legs and under her arms.
"Yes, because he didn't have the latter as a man. Shees." Emma pulled her head away from the door. She walked over to the TV, turned it on and started flipping through the channels. "Ooh, Working Lunch. I love that fish."
"Ianto just went to bed." Tasmin joined Emma in the sitting area. She checked her watch. "According to my calculations it's only three, maybe four hours since Gwen came to work this morning."
"I guess having your gender changed is exhausting."
"I guess not keeping a time line next to your story when you're writing causes little mishaps as sending someone to bed around lunchtime." Tasmin let herself fall onto the sofa. "Write that down as a charge."
The scene faded to black once more, and when it unfaded to colour the TV was showing a children's program. Emma turned off the TV.
"Good morning, good morning," she sang. "We talked the whole night through. Good mor-"
"Shut up." Tasmin got up and walked over to the bedroom. She poked her head around the door again.
Ianto was just getting ready to take a shower.
She picked out two towels and walked into her bathroom, putting her stuff down on the chair near the door she started the shower before walking over to the sink where she picked up her razor and shaving cream. Going back to the shower she stepped in, carrying the razor and cream carefully. After being in the shower for half an hour she stepped out again.
"Uh, what did he do with the razor in the shower?" Emma asked. She had stuck her head around the door as well.
"Ianto must have accepted fully that he is a woman now." Tasmin grinned. "I think he shaved his legs."
"What has that got to do with anything? Male," Emma emphasized the word, "professional swimmers, cyclist and, I bet, runners of any distance too, also shave their legs. Something about less air resistance."
"They shave their legs because their legs are massaged every day. And all that rubbing makes the skin irritate around the hairs," Tasmin rebutted. "Swimmers think it gives them an advantage in the water, though."
Ianto pulled on an old pair of jeans that he had kept despite being too small, but fitted him perfectly, except for the legs being a bit long, now.
"And make a note of Ianto the woman having slimmer hips than Ianto the man," Tasmin said.
When he had finished dressing Ianto went to sit on the sofa. The agents quickly went into one of the spare bedrooms. With Ianto's metamorphosis taking the course it was they weren't sure anymore he could not see them. They left the door slightly ajar so they could still look into the sitting area. Ianto started making a list of all the new things he needed. He buzzed Tosh in when she arrived.
Looking at each other they burst out giggling.
"Tosh giggling. I didn't even know she could," Tasmin said a note of surprise in her voice.
"I imagine she'll giggle if you lick her just the right way."
Tasmin shook her head quickly so those words would not stick. "Anyway, it seems like Ianto and Tosh are becoming girl-friends."
"Seems that way." Emma fumbled for her notepad without taking her eyes of what was happening in the sitting room.
Tasmin looked around and read the Words. She tapped her partner on the shoulder. "Not much interesting happening here anymore. Not much interesting happening during shopping. Tosh makes a comment that gay men make better women."
"A. Tosh would never make such an in touch with the modern world kind of joke. B. Ianto is not gay. He had a female lover." Emma turned to look at her partner. "Or actually, I should label these charges M and N."
Tasmin smirked. She opened up a portal and invited her partner to go through first.
-oOo-
The agents stepped through the portal into a street.
"The house of Ianto's parents." Tasmin pointed. "I thought it better not to go inside."
"Sound plan."
A car pulled up and Ianto got out. He was wearing a black pencil skirt with blue pin stripe and a white button up shirt. He went into the house.
Walking down the corridor to the first door on the left, she saw that all the photos that had her in them as a man now had her in them as a woman, even the baby picture’s had gone from a boyish blue to a decidedly girly pink.
The agents looked at each other.
"Did Jack do that?" Emma asked. "He completely obliterated the male Ianto from all his family's mind and replaced it with a female version?"
"Could be him; could be the Baby Moon."
"If it was the Baby Moon then why do he and his colleagues still remember he was a man once? Come to think of it. Did Ianto include any school friends or other acquaintances of his on that list for Jack?"
"Not that I recall."
"He'd gone through all this work, and he missed a spot." Emma shook her head. "Still think they should have told them Ianto had changed due to an accident and then retconned they if they freaked out. Kinda what Gwen did to Rhys."
Ianto went into the sitting room where his mum, an aunt and both his sisters were.
“Well now that you’re here we can talk about your wedding to Wynn.”
"What?" Emma exclaimed.
Ianto shared her feelings. Thoughts that this was wrong ran through his mind.
‘WHAT No that’s not right, Lowri’s the one getting married not me. Lowir’s the oldest girl……..oh no……Dewydd is the oldest boy and is married to Liz. And Lowri was the oldest girl, so she should be getting married, but now I’m the oldest girl…….OH GOD……OH GOD…….I’M GOING TO KILL OWEN!!!’
"First of, if everyone is thinking Ianto is getting married to his sister's fiancé then Jack has screwed up with the retcon. Second, if this Wynn is only marrying Lowri because she is the eldest daughter he has screwed up reasons for getting married."
"Third," Tasmin added. "Abuse of punctuation."
Emma looked over her charge list. "I've already got punctuation here. Don't have marriage moral that stems from biblical times yet. The eldest daughter has to get married first," she mumbled the last sentence as she wrote it down. She looked up. "Can I charge them for not having the dress yet for the third bridesmaid two days before the wedding?"
"No. That Ianto's very organised doesn't mean the rest of his family is."
“Now dear, let’s get you in your dress.” Ianto’s aunt said, pulling her behind a screen so she could change. Taking off her new clothes, she looked at the dress, hoping that it was fit as it was meant to be for Lowri.
"What?" Emma said. "Does this author even know Ianto? Five minutes ago he hears he's getting married, to his sister's fiancé. And now he's already hoping her dress will fit? Ianto doesn't adapt to change this easily."
"Perhaps the Baby Moon has changed that too for him."
Emma frowned at her partner. "Yes, let's ascribe all errors in this fic to Baby Moon. I can close my notepad now and we can go back to the office." Emma closed her notepad, smirked and stuffed the notepad in her bag.
Tasmin smirked. "I love it when you use irony."
"I hate it when you seem to have been drinking."
Tasmin frowned. "I haven't been drinking."
Emma chuckled.
"I never drink."
Ianto's aunt finished the dress and Ianto said Tosh would be his third bridesmaid. Then he packed up the wedding books and the dress in his car's boot and drove back to the Hub.
Tasmin noted that it took him twenty minutes longer to drive back then it had taken him to get there.
"Perhaps he had to stop for gas."
Tasmin glared at Emma.
Emma stuck her hands in her trouser pockets and shrugged lightly. "Two can play this game."
Tasmin sighed. "Let's go to the Hub." She opened a portal and stepped through.
Emma strolled after her partner singing: "Let's go to the Hub, oh baby. Let's go to the Hub. You can rock it; you can roll it; you can strop it; you can stroll it at the Hub, Hub, Hub, Hub, Hub, Hub, Hub."
-oOo-
At the Hub Tasmin and Emma sat down on the old sofa in the coffee corner and waited for the rest of the team to arrive back at the Hub. When they returned Ianto ran straight out of the conference room and told them, coldly, he was getting married on Friday.
“Because now I’m the oldest girl. And the oldest girl gets an arranged marriage. So thanks Owen.”
"Oh, it's an arranged marriage," Tasmin said. "Well, that explains part of it. Though, usually groups that are in the habit of arranging marriages arrange them for all their children."
"Still doesn't explain why Ianto was quickly accepting being a woman, being a woman in an arranged marriage. That should have sent him screaming out the door."
Jack told everyone to go to work and that Ianto should come and see him in his office.
Seeing Jack was sitting in his chair, staring coldly at his desk, the books weighing heavily in her arms. She knew not to say anything, Jack was too angry to listen to anything she would have to say.
"Confusing use of passive voice," Tasmin said. "And if anything, Ianto should be the angry one."
Ianto explained that in his family the oldest son and daughter always had an arranged marriage. Why that was a custom in his family he didn't explain.
"So Ianto is from a cultural group that still practices arranged marriages." Emma rolled her eyes. "That would have to be a pretty big group too, if they want to avoid inbreeding."
"Often, inbreeding is of less concern than marrying the children off into a good family."
Ianto said he didn't want to get married to his sister's beau, but that he couldn't tell his parents because that would kill them. Jack tried to reassure Ianto that they would think of something. Ianto fell as sleep and Jack started ordering everyone around again: Owen to look over everything; Tosh to get ready to be a bridesmaid; and Gwen to look into the background of the groom. After a few hours of sleep Ianto woke up and decided to go home.
The agents decided not to follow, but sit the fic out for a while. Emma made them both a cup of coffee. The fic would still take some time.
-oOo-
On Thursday Ianto got a visit from his neighbour, James Brown, in the afternoon. He made some tea for the both of them.
As she watched him make the tea, she noted that he hadn’t asked her how she liked her tea, but strangely enough; he seemed to know exactly, lots of milk and two sugars.
“How do you know that I like my tea this way?” She asked curiously, taking the cup and saucer that he offered her.
"Ugh, nonsense," grunted Emma into her coffee mug. "Every time someone makes tea for me and doesn't ask me how I like it they put in milk and lots of sugar. It's like: if you don't feel like asking, just ruin the tea completely."
"Most Brits take their tea with milk and sugar; that could be a reason this Brown isn't asking."
"He's also not asking: why are you getting married to someone you've only met twice. Why is she even telling him this?"
"Did you just say 'she'?"
Emma thought about what she had said. "Yeah, I said she. I've stopped thinking of Ianto as Ianto. She's now a proper Sue to me." She gulped down her coffee and got up. "I need another mug of this."
Brown left after telling Ianto he hoped Ianto had made the right decision. Then Jack rang and Ianto tried to distract him with some flirting. Jack was slightly distracted and asked if he could come over later that day.
When Jack arrived Ianto invited him into the bedroom, as that was a warmer room than the sitting area. Jack asked Ianto whether he had decided yet whether he was getting married or not.
“I don’t know what to do… Do I get married to this guy that I’ve only meet two times and make everyone happy, but make myself unhappy for the rest of my life… or do I not get married and make everyone unhappy but me so I can be happy with you?”
"Sounds like a good enough reason to me," Emma said. She sat back down next to Tasmin. "Besides, if Wynn and Lowri really love each other, they're probably also going to be happier if the marriage doesn't go through. So that's at least three people happier."
Jack then asked if he could be Ianto's first. Ianto was as aghast as the two agents. Jack explained.
“NO! That didn’t come out right… You know how girls go on and on and on about how the first time should be something special with someone you love and who loves you back. Well… I don’t want you to maybe get married and be with someone you don’t love, who really doesn’t love you. I want you to have something to remember whether you stay with me or be with someone else…..”
"What the fuck is he talking about?" Emma exclaimed. "Doesn't he realize that people who do arranged marriages also feel strongly about no premarital sex?"
"Apparently he didn't and neither did Ianto. He just said yes."
"Aargh. We're not going to sit through this sex scene are we?"
"Uh." Tasmin checked the Words. "Well, the Words to that scene are missing here."
"Too hot for FFnet." Emma chuckled. "I'm curious though. First times are usually awkward, and this would be Ianto's first time as a woman. That adds to the awkwardness. Most first timers at least know their own bodies. So, what's your estimate: will this be an awkward sex scene?"
"Based on how quickly Ianto said yes, I would have to say it is just going to be smut, not angsty smut."
"I've got the creeping suspicion that Ianto got his sex change because the author wanted to put Jack and Ianto together but did not want to write slash."
"Kinda looks that way, doesn't it?"
"I've got a nice list of charges. Let's go to that wedding and see who else we need to deal with."
"Sounds good." Tasmin got up and fetched the remote activator.
-oOo-
At the church the two agents slipped into one of the back pews.
"You know, this is interesting," Emma said. "None of the churches I've ever been to had pews. They all had chairs, well, at least for the church goers. This fic is a little low on description, yet I'm imagining sitting down in a pew although I've never actually sat down in a pew."
"Churches in TV shows and movies always have pews. I think that's why you're thinking of them now."
Ianto and his dad passed them walking up the isle.
"Start writing: Mum, Dad, two sisters, groom, auntie, that James Brown fellow."
Emma tried to keep up with her partner. "The priest," she added.
The minister scanned over the congregation,
“First, I am required to ask anyone present who knows a
reason why these persons may not lawfully marry, to declare
it now.”
"Cue dramatic rescue by Jack."
Both agents turned their head to the church doors, but they remained closed. The agents sat back facing forward.
"And now Ianto is going to marry a man," Emma said. "The first same sex marriage in Britain. I've just thought of something." Her excitement nearly made her partner jump. "If Tosh hadn't worked so hastily at making Ianto legally a woman, he could have gotten out of this marriage by saying that on his birth certificate it says he's a man. Surely, having your gender changed legally takes a bit of time and effort."
"Usually it does, at least for transsexuals. I don't know how it works if you go there claiming it was an error made by the civil servant."
"That probably takes even longer; the court would have to make a thorough investigation that there was indeed an error made by a civil servant. And then that ruling had to be processed by the bureaucratic mill. And those mills run slowly."
"Too bad Ianto hadn't realized that."
The minister continued talking and Ianto, though wondering several times what he was doing and thinking that it was wrong, and Wynn exchanged vows.
Ianto looked at the ring on her finger and then at the man, who put it there. Looking at his smiling face before looking at Lowri, Ianto took a deep breath before ripping the ring off and dropping it to the floor. With the room in shock Ianto pick up the hem of her dress before running down the aisle.
"Follow him!" Tasmin jumped up and started running.
She wasn't the only one. She had to watch out not to bump into Wynn. Tosh and Owen were close behind him. Followed by an assortment of Ianto's and Wynn's family members. Emma closed the ranks.
Ianto ran out of the church and down the steps. He headed for the road.
Just as she got to the road the lights went red, letting people cross the road. As she run across the road -being followed by at least ten people calling out to her- she got funny looks from various drivers and their passengers. Weaving though the mass of people, she realized that she didn’t have any real place to go or any time for a plan.
Then she ran into Jack. Who greeted her with a passionate kiss.
Tasmin was the first to reach the duo. She pulled her Beretta from her duffel bag and trained it on Ianto.
"Ianto Jones, we're Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we're here to charge you for crimes against fanfiction in general and Torchwood in particular."
"What?" Ianto looked up at Jack and tried to find shielding in his arms.
Jack slowly caressed her arms from the shoulder to the wrist. Then grabbed her by the wrists and turned her around facing the PPC agent, her arms twisted behind her back.
"Emma, the charges," Tasmin said to her partner that had just caught up.
"Pant," Emma said and pulled the notepad from her shoulder bag. "Hi, Jack, have you found the real Ianto for us?"
"Sure, he's right over there with Gwen." Jack nodded to his right. From a nearby shop Gwen and Ianto emerged. Ianto was looking decidedly poorly.
"Good. Then we can commence with the charging."
"What, what is going on?" Sue!Ianto asked.
"Shush, now. Listen to these nice young ladies, disguised as funny old men."
"If I had the time I would take offense," Emma replied. She opened her notepad. "Ianto Jones-Sue, we hereby charge you for turning Ianto into a woman, but barely letting him angst about that, rather he accepts womanhood rather quickly. This is a man." Emma pointed to the Ianto standing beside Gwen. "Who kept a Cyberwoman on life support in order to find a cure for her condition. He would not accept being a woman in a few hours time; he would look for ways to be turned back to a man. Which, by the way, are available both privately and through the NHS. We charge you with starting to use female pronouns when referring to Ianto from the moment he changed. This probably accelerated Ianto's unlikely quick acceptance of being a woman.
"We charge you with retconning the entire family and changing all their memories of Ianto. That even would be too much work for Torchwood One, and Jack did it supposedly in one night. We charge you with using a contrived plot device -- to wit an arranged marriage -- to add drama to the story. There already was enough drama potential in Ianto being turned into a woman and having to learn to accept that, or not, which you chose to just ignore."
"Iant- I angsted about being turned into a woman."
"Yes, for a couple of minutes; then you went to bed, slept for sixteen hours and decided to buy sexy lingerie. That's not angsting; that's accepting." Emma smirked at Sue!Ianto. "That was by the way a charge for bad time keeping."
"Time what?"
"Don't interrupt me. I'm on a roll. We charge you with using very little description, except when describing your clothes. We just had to make up the interior of that church ourselves. We also charge you with bad grammar which resulted in having a breast on your neck and one on your groin. Let's see." Emma flicked through the pages. "What else is interesting to mention? Ah yes, everybody was out of character. Tosh does not giggle like a schoolgirl, and when Gwen asks stupid questions they are still to the point."
Emma smirked again. "You have been charged. Tasmin will shoot you now."
"You can't-" Sue!Ianto's last words were caught short by the bullet that entered her forehead.
The bullet proceeded through Sue!Ianto's head and exited at the back, where it then pierced Jack's chest. Both Jack and Sue!Ianto fell to the ground.
"I think you just killed Jack too."
"Oops."
"Shall I gave mouth to mouth to him?" Emma asked with a smirk.
"Shall I make an appointment with anti-lustin' for you?"
With a big gasp of breath Jack came back to live. He sat up. "Young lady, that wasn't nice." He gave Tasmin a reproachful look.
"Sorry," she said. She unscrewed the silencer form her gun and returned both items to her duffelbag. "How did you know this wasn't the real Ianto?"
"I saw the two of you hanging around the Hub, so I knew something was wrong. I went looking around and found him hiding in a filing cabinet in the archives." Jack extended an arm to Ianto who came closer.
"And then you made him come out of the closet, again," Emma said. Her partner glared at her. "What? This was asking to be said."
Tasmin rolled her eyes. She turned around. Wynn and Lowri were holding hands and chatting amicably. "Why are you people all still here? Don't you have a wedding to go to?"
"We, er, we were waiting for Ianto to come along," Ianto's father replied after a moment's hesitation. It seemed the family members were also all a bit puzzled as to what they were doing in the middle of the street.
"Well, here he is and off you go."
The Joneses and Archers turned around and with Wynn and Lowri leading the way went back to the church. Ianto followed Jack's arm draped around his shoulder. The rest of the Torchwood team made up the rear. Only the two PPC agents stayed behind.
"Time to go home," Tasmin said and opened a portal.
"Don't we still have to take care of James Brown?"
"I've a feeling he has sorted himself out already," Tasmin replied. She stepped through the portal.
Emma frowned and then shrugged the thought off. She followed her partner back to the response centre, back to her pet.
-oOo-
A/N: There are few characters that would accept in a few hours time that they have irreversibly changed gender. Ianto is not likely one of those people. The drama in a gender switch fic featuring Ianto can thus come entirely from him finding ways to cope, but also trying to reverse. Added drama can come from his relationship with Jack that suddenly has got to feel like some sort of threesome. Such a story would not need a contrived plot device such as an arranged marriage, particularly if the reason for the arranged marriage is never properly explained.