this is me VENTING...that's all...just pissed right now.
I am sick and tired of people acting weird around me when I talk about my brother.
For god's sake, he was a part of my life for 16 yrs 28days and I'm just supposed to not acknowledge that?
Yeah, ok, I realize that when confronted with the awful reality of what happened, you (general public) would probably feel unsure about how to respond. Ok, well, here's an easy way of approaching it: do whatever comes naturally. Awkward silence and shifty eyes is not a natural response. Laughing at a funny story IS a natural response, downcast eyes when I'm a bit emo and remembering sad stuff IS a natural response. Looking at me incredulously when I recall something stupid my brother did isn't ok. I'm allowed to talk about him, ok? I am. I'm so angry about this right now.
I'm angry at people for making me feel like I'm doing something wrong for talking about him. What about all that philosophy that says that we exist only in the minds of others? And let's be real, it's only been a year and almost 5 mos since it happened. I know, 17mos sounds like a long time, but it's really really not. Not for me, not for anyone in my family. I was writing an email to my mother, and I said something about when colby and I were little, and I considered erasing it, because I didn't want to make her sad by mentioning my brother. But then I realized, she probably also yearns for someone with whom to talk about colby. I guess what I'm trying to say is "let me talk about my brother". If anyone wants to talk to me about anything, ever, everyone knows I'll listen. It's a good thing I want to be a therapist when I grow up, because that's pretty much what I do right now, anyway.
What also pisses me off is when people misinterpret posts or rants like this as me trying to get attention or feeling sorry for myself. So I sound pitiful? No..I sound PISSED, because I am.
Call me self-righteous, or arrogant, or whatever, but I think that for someone who has experienced true horror and tragedy (my brother's suicide being one of many things that I just don't talk about), I handle it a lot better than so many people who can't cope with trivial things.
So what if this makes me a bitch?
If you think I care, you're wrong.
No one is altering their behavior to better suit my tastes, so why the fuck should I alter mine to suit anyone else's?
Exactly
there is no reason.
For god's sake, he was a part of my life for 16 yrs 28days and I'm just supposed to not acknowledge that?
Yeah, ok, I realize that when confronted with the awful reality of what happened, you (general public) would probably feel unsure about how to respond. Ok, well, here's an easy way of approaching it: do whatever comes naturally. Awkward silence and shifty eyes is not a natural response. Laughing at a funny story IS a natural response, downcast eyes when I'm a bit emo and remembering sad stuff IS a natural response. Looking at me incredulously when I recall something stupid my brother did isn't ok. I'm allowed to talk about him, ok? I am. I'm so angry about this right now.
I'm angry at people for making me feel like I'm doing something wrong for talking about him. What about all that philosophy that says that we exist only in the minds of others? And let's be real, it's only been a year and almost 5 mos since it happened. I know, 17mos sounds like a long time, but it's really really not. Not for me, not for anyone in my family. I was writing an email to my mother, and I said something about when colby and I were little, and I considered erasing it, because I didn't want to make her sad by mentioning my brother. But then I realized, she probably also yearns for someone with whom to talk about colby. I guess what I'm trying to say is "let me talk about my brother". If anyone wants to talk to me about anything, ever, everyone knows I'll listen. It's a good thing I want to be a therapist when I grow up, because that's pretty much what I do right now, anyway.
What also pisses me off is when people misinterpret posts or rants like this as me trying to get attention or feeling sorry for myself. So I sound pitiful? No..I sound PISSED, because I am.
Call me self-righteous, or arrogant, or whatever, but I think that for someone who has experienced true horror and tragedy (my brother's suicide being one of many things that I just don't talk about), I handle it a lot better than so many people who can't cope with trivial things.
So what if this makes me a bitch?
If you think I care, you're wrong.
No one is altering their behavior to better suit my tastes, so why the fuck should I alter mine to suit anyone else's?
Exactly
there is no reason.