Jeeves moments from 'Ring for Jeeves'
bertiebwriting has indicated that I can take over recounting parts of "Ring for Jeeves" which don't refer to Bertie but are still entertaining. Two passages sprang to my mind immediately. They also have the added benefit of supporting another member's argument that Jeeves is a master-criminal in his spare time.
After having swindled Captain Biggar at a race-track, and now having been discovered, Jeeves and Rowcester are in a tricky position of having to pay back the money. Jeeves hits on the idea of stealing back the betting-ticket, so Biggar has no proof that the bet was ever made.
'May I say one word, Jeeves?'
'Certainly, m'lord.'
'How?'
'By what I might describe as direct action, m'lord.'
Bill stared. This opened up a new line of thought.
'Set on him, you mean? Scrag him? Choke it out of him?'
'Your lordship has interpreted my meaning exactly.'
Bill continued to stare.
'But, Jeeves, have you seen him? That bulging chest, those rippling muscles?'
'I agree that Captain Biggar is well-nourished, m'lord, but we would have the advantage of surprise. The gentleman went out into the garden. When he returns, one may assume that it will be by way of the french window by which he made his egress. If I draw the curtains, it will be necessary for him to enter through them. We will see him fumbling, and in that moment a sharp tug will cause the curtains to descend on him, enmeshing him, as it were.'
The following is Jeeves describing, and then rehearsing 'the Spider Sequence', which is how he proposes Bill Rowcester should remove a pendant from one of the guests. Jeeves shows a bit of dramatic flair!
'Then I would be inclined to say, m'lord, that the best results would probably be obtained from what I might term the spider sequence.'
'I don't get you, Jeeves.'
'If I might explain, m'lord. Your lordship will be joining the lady in the garden?'
'Probably on a rustic seat.'
'Then, as I see it, m'lord, conditions will be adsmirably adapted to the plan I advocate. If shortly after entering into conversation with Mrs Spottsworth, your lordship were to affect to observe a spider on her hair, the spider sequence would follow as doth the night the day. It would be natural for your lordship to offer to brush the insect off. This would enable your lordship to operate with your lordship's fingers in the neighbourhood of the lady's neck. And is the clasp, as Captain Biggar assures us, is loose, it will be a simple matter to unfasten the pendant and cause it to fall to the ground. Do I make myself clear, m'lord?'
'All straight so far. But wouldn't she pick it up?'
'No, m'lord, because in actual fact it would be in your lordship's pocket. Your lordship would institute a search in the surrounding grass, but without avail, and eventually the search would be abandoned until the following day. The object would finally be discovered late tomorrow evening.'
'After Biggar gets back?'
'Precisely, m'lord.'
'Nestling under a bush?'
'Or on the turf some little distance away. It had rolled.'
'Do pendants roll?'
'This pendant would have done so, m'lord.'
Bill chewed his lower lip thoughtfully.
'So that's the spider sequence?'
'That is the spider sequence, m'lord.'
'Not a bad scheme at all.'
'It has the merit of simplicity, m'lord. And if your lordship is experienceing any uneasiness at the thought of opening cold, as the theatrical expression is, I would suggest our having what in stage parlance is called a quick run through.'
'A rehearsal, you mean?'
'Precisely, m'lord. It would enable your lordship to perfect yourself in lines and business. In the broadway section of New York, where the theatre industry of the United States of America is centred, I a told that this is known as ironing out the bugs.'
'Ironing out the spiders.'
'Ha, ha, m'lord. But, if I may venture to say so, it is unwise to waste the precious moments in verbal pleasantries.'
'Time is of the essence?'
'Precisely, m'lord. Would your lordship like to walk the scene?'
'Yes, I think I would, if you say it's going to steady the nervous system. I feel as if a troupe of performing fleas were practising buck-and-wing steps up and down my spine.'
'I have heard Mr Wooster complain of a similar malaise in moments of stress and trial, m'lord. It will pass.'
'When?'
'As soon as your lordship has got the feel of the part. A rustic seat, your lordship said?'
'That's where she was last time.'
'Scene, A rustic seat,' murmered Jeeves. 'Time, A night in summer. Discovered at rise, Mrs Spottsworth. Enter Lord Rowcester. I will portray Mrs Spottsworth, m'lord. We open with a few lines of dialogue to establish atmosphere, then bridge into the spider sequence. Your lordship speaks.'
Bill marshalled his thoughts.
'Er - Tell me, Rosie - '
'Rosie, m'lord?'
'Yes, Rosie, blast it. Any objection?'
'none whatever, m'lord.'
'I used to know her at Cannes.'
'Indeed, m'lord? I was not aware. You were saying, m'lord?'
'Tell me, Rosie, are you afraid of spiders?'
'Why does your lordship ask?'
'There's rather an outsize specimen crawling on the back of your hair.' Bill sprang about six inches in the direction of the ceiling. 'What on earth did you do that for?' he demanded irritably.
Jeeves preserved his calm.
'My reason for screaming, m'lord, was merely to add verisimilitude. I supposed that that was how a delicately nurtured lady would be inclined to react on receipt of such a piece of information.'
'Well I wish you hadn't. the top of my head nearly came off.'
'I am sorry, m'lord. But it was how I saw the scene. I felt it, felt it here,' said jeeves, tapping the left side of his waistcoat. 'If your lordship would be good enough to throw me the line once more.'
'There's a rather outsize specimen crawling on the back of your hair.'
'I would be grateful if your lordship would be so good as to knock it off.'
'I can't see it now. Ah, there is goes. On your neck.'
'And that,' said Jeeves, rising from the settee on which in his role of Mrs Spottsworth he had seated himself, 'is cue for business, m'lord. Your lordship will admit that it is really quite simple.'
After having swindled Captain Biggar at a race-track, and now having been discovered, Jeeves and Rowcester are in a tricky position of having to pay back the money. Jeeves hits on the idea of stealing back the betting-ticket, so Biggar has no proof that the bet was ever made.
'May I say one word, Jeeves?'
'Certainly, m'lord.'
'How?'
'By what I might describe as direct action, m'lord.'
Bill stared. This opened up a new line of thought.
'Set on him, you mean? Scrag him? Choke it out of him?'
'Your lordship has interpreted my meaning exactly.'
Bill continued to stare.
'But, Jeeves, have you seen him? That bulging chest, those rippling muscles?'
'I agree that Captain Biggar is well-nourished, m'lord, but we would have the advantage of surprise. The gentleman went out into the garden. When he returns, one may assume that it will be by way of the french window by which he made his egress. If I draw the curtains, it will be necessary for him to enter through them. We will see him fumbling, and in that moment a sharp tug will cause the curtains to descend on him, enmeshing him, as it were.'
The following is Jeeves describing, and then rehearsing 'the Spider Sequence', which is how he proposes Bill Rowcester should remove a pendant from one of the guests. Jeeves shows a bit of dramatic flair!
'Then I would be inclined to say, m'lord, that the best results would probably be obtained from what I might term the spider sequence.'
'I don't get you, Jeeves.'
'If I might explain, m'lord. Your lordship will be joining the lady in the garden?'
'Probably on a rustic seat.'
'Then, as I see it, m'lord, conditions will be adsmirably adapted to the plan I advocate. If shortly after entering into conversation with Mrs Spottsworth, your lordship were to affect to observe a spider on her hair, the spider sequence would follow as doth the night the day. It would be natural for your lordship to offer to brush the insect off. This would enable your lordship to operate with your lordship's fingers in the neighbourhood of the lady's neck. And is the clasp, as Captain Biggar assures us, is loose, it will be a simple matter to unfasten the pendant and cause it to fall to the ground. Do I make myself clear, m'lord?'
'All straight so far. But wouldn't she pick it up?'
'No, m'lord, because in actual fact it would be in your lordship's pocket. Your lordship would institute a search in the surrounding grass, but without avail, and eventually the search would be abandoned until the following day. The object would finally be discovered late tomorrow evening.'
'After Biggar gets back?'
'Precisely, m'lord.'
'Nestling under a bush?'
'Or on the turf some little distance away. It had rolled.'
'Do pendants roll?'
'This pendant would have done so, m'lord.'
Bill chewed his lower lip thoughtfully.
'So that's the spider sequence?'
'That is the spider sequence, m'lord.'
'Not a bad scheme at all.'
'It has the merit of simplicity, m'lord. And if your lordship is experienceing any uneasiness at the thought of opening cold, as the theatrical expression is, I would suggest our having what in stage parlance is called a quick run through.'
'A rehearsal, you mean?'
'Precisely, m'lord. It would enable your lordship to perfect yourself in lines and business. In the broadway section of New York, where the theatre industry of the United States of America is centred, I a told that this is known as ironing out the bugs.'
'Ironing out the spiders.'
'Ha, ha, m'lord. But, if I may venture to say so, it is unwise to waste the precious moments in verbal pleasantries.'
'Time is of the essence?'
'Precisely, m'lord. Would your lordship like to walk the scene?'
'Yes, I think I would, if you say it's going to steady the nervous system. I feel as if a troupe of performing fleas were practising buck-and-wing steps up and down my spine.'
'I have heard Mr Wooster complain of a similar malaise in moments of stress and trial, m'lord. It will pass.'
'When?'
'As soon as your lordship has got the feel of the part. A rustic seat, your lordship said?'
'That's where she was last time.'
'Scene, A rustic seat,' murmered Jeeves. 'Time, A night in summer. Discovered at rise, Mrs Spottsworth. Enter Lord Rowcester. I will portray Mrs Spottsworth, m'lord. We open with a few lines of dialogue to establish atmosphere, then bridge into the spider sequence. Your lordship speaks.'
Bill marshalled his thoughts.
'Er - Tell me, Rosie - '
'Rosie, m'lord?'
'Yes, Rosie, blast it. Any objection?'
'none whatever, m'lord.'
'I used to know her at Cannes.'
'Indeed, m'lord? I was not aware. You were saying, m'lord?'
'Tell me, Rosie, are you afraid of spiders?'
'Why does your lordship ask?'
'There's rather an outsize specimen crawling on the back of your hair.' Bill sprang about six inches in the direction of the ceiling. 'What on earth did you do that for?' he demanded irritably.
Jeeves preserved his calm.
'My reason for screaming, m'lord, was merely to add verisimilitude. I supposed that that was how a delicately nurtured lady would be inclined to react on receipt of such a piece of information.'
'Well I wish you hadn't. the top of my head nearly came off.'
'I am sorry, m'lord. But it was how I saw the scene. I felt it, felt it here,' said jeeves, tapping the left side of his waistcoat. 'If your lordship would be good enough to throw me the line once more.'
'There's a rather outsize specimen crawling on the back of your hair.'
'I would be grateful if your lordship would be so good as to knock it off.'
'I can't see it now. Ah, there is goes. On your neck.'
'And that,' said Jeeves, rising from the settee on which in his role of Mrs Spottsworth he had seated himself, 'is cue for business, m'lord. Your lordship will admit that it is really quite simple.'