stare into the mirror
dear journal,
my name is jessica, and i've never been sure with myself. my name is jessi, and the only thing that will get me anywhere in life, is my imagination. my name is jesse, and i believe in faeries, pixies, and imaginary friends. my name is jessica nichole, and i think wishing on the stars will make my problems vanish. my name is jessica nicole, and i still play dress-up. my name is jessica nichole poland, and this is the only way i can find out my true self.
in truth, i am still a kid. i believe everything a kid would, except for santa claus and the easter bunny. i'm a self-centered, spoiled brat who takes everything for granted. i love my friends more than my own family. i beg my mother to buy me things, then i shove it in my closet and never wear it. or i let her buy me things that she likes, just to make her happy(knowing that i'll just put it in the back of my closet). i'll leave my money at home when we go out, so that my mother has to pay. i hate what i have become, because now we have no money. to the point where my mom is working a second job, as a cafeteria lady(just for the benefits). constantly they say we have no money to spend, yet they write a 100$ check to the church every Sunday and Wendesday. i do not think it is selfish of me to say, stop, we need the money more than them! but to them, that is all i am: selfish. i never think of others or their feelings.
i think of others, i just don't think of their feelings. it hurts me to admit to that. but when i speak, i am never thinking of their feelings. i could care less, because the only thing i am ever thinking of is, how bad they hurt my feelings. i am rude. i have no manners, unless i am around my friend's parents or adults(not my parents). i am sarcastic to no end. i tell you how it is, even when you don't want to be told. i'm sadistic. i have no respect. this is who i have become, for all eyes to see. it saddens me, it truly does.
<3
my name is jessica, and i've never been sure with myself. my name is jessi, and the only thing that will get me anywhere in life, is my imagination. my name is jesse, and i believe in faeries, pixies, and imaginary friends. my name is jessica nichole, and i think wishing on the stars will make my problems vanish. my name is jessica nicole, and i still play dress-up. my name is jessica nichole poland, and this is the only way i can find out my true self.
in truth, i am still a kid. i believe everything a kid would, except for santa claus and the easter bunny. i'm a self-centered, spoiled brat who takes everything for granted. i love my friends more than my own family. i beg my mother to buy me things, then i shove it in my closet and never wear it. or i let her buy me things that she likes, just to make her happy(knowing that i'll just put it in the back of my closet). i'll leave my money at home when we go out, so that my mother has to pay. i hate what i have become, because now we have no money. to the point where my mom is working a second job, as a cafeteria lady(just for the benefits). constantly they say we have no money to spend, yet they write a 100$ check to the church every Sunday and Wendesday. i do not think it is selfish of me to say, stop, we need the money more than them! but to them, that is all i am: selfish. i never think of others or their feelings.
i think of others, i just don't think of their feelings. it hurts me to admit to that. but when i speak, i am never thinking of their feelings. i could care less, because the only thing i am ever thinking of is, how bad they hurt my feelings. i am rude. i have no manners, unless i am around my friend's parents or adults(not my parents). i am sarcastic to no end. i tell you how it is, even when you don't want to be told. i'm sadistic. i have no respect. this is who i have become, for all eyes to see. it saddens me, it truly does.
<3