My stance.
I've been reading a lot lately. It really is a wonderful pass time, as well as a great learning experience for me. One of my favorite things about the series I read is that the main character has an almost journal-like writing every 10 chapters or so. In these he expresses his moral values on good and evil and how he looks at the world. Because of these entries I am able to relate my own moral values to his and while his world may consist of fictional people and creatures I can easily compare these to the enthralls of my life. It really is a work of genius done by the author to include these expressions in this delicate soliloquy form. It is from these entries that I am able to revise my own worldly views and moral standpoints, as he is a character of only good nature for those of around him I feel that he sets a good basis for these ideals I carry.
I feel that deceit is a persons first downfall. When someone lies they are not only hiding others from the truth, but they are themselves hiding from a truth they do not wish to face. Knowing this, I speak only from my direct knowledge and no longer make assumptions like I used to when I was younger. I feel that this has brought a great deal of respect among my peers as they know that what I tell them is what I truly believe and not just what I want them to believe. In that I feel that I can take pride. However, now that I have seen how well it has worked for me I wish I could share the same true-of-heart thought with all of those I care for. This wanting, or thirst, to help those of which I hold fond is what seems to have led to the recent distaste that comes to others mouths lately when they speak my name.
The desire to help others is the greatest sentiment of all human emotions. IT may not be the most prominent, or even the most effective at times, but it is by far the most remarkable. To be able to pass up our own instincts of survival to stop and care for those around us is a truly wonderful gift. I force this upon myself day after day. When the options are given to me, I lay them out on the table and consider which one will benefit everyone to the greatest outcome. This way of thinking has led me out of my selfish rut and has put on a larger more glamorous path. On this path I am able to look several months or even years down the line of each given option and judge to the highest moral standard which decision would best suit those around me.
Recently I have had troubles with the path I hurriedly chose several months ago. During the closing months of 2008 my eyes were opened to the fabrication of words being drawn around the lives of my friends, the select group of people I hold dear. I did not in any way see myself as an answer to this, rather as an on-looker who could then drop moral guidelines to those who were ensnared in this great web. I did nothing, I listened to the torment of others because of this ensnarement in the inaccuracy of words, yet I took no action. I thought this course to be the one chosen by a thought provoked mind, a mind looking through not only emotions and empathy, but logic as well.
So I listened, and so I heard. Unfortunately each tale from every end had its own twist on reality. I took them all in, considered the outcome of each well placed tale and what each tale would have turned out to be had each individual one been the true course that had taken place. None of which I could see ending horribly, and none of which I could see were of bad moral judgment. However, from story to story I was able to see the underlying problem. Weighing the negatives from one against the positives of others I began to see the fabrication drawn over all of us.
It was not my place to step in and say anything in this situation, and it was surely not my place to take any other action than just chaste guidance to those would listen. I saw the culmination of anger and spite grow within this group towards the closing of 2008 and the end of winter break due to these deceitful declarations. At that point I looked back to all of the other times in which I had seen these situations with people in the past. It was only then that I realized that I needed to remove myself until the teller of tales reached an epiphany and no longer weaved such intricate lies around those he surrounds himself with.
When January came around I expressed my plan to only a few. To remove myself almost brashly so that one may understand that mendacity is not respected by my moral code and hopefully not by others. I took this course hoping that the receiver of the signal would realize his wrongs and go about fixing them, therefore saving the emotions of those which he had entrenched in his deceit before they were wounded further. Knowing the one responsible and knowing how they would immediately disregard any verbal statements that made them uneasy about themselves or their actions, this seemed the only reasonable course I could take without out-stepping the boundaries of where I stood in this predicament.
I had only slightly begun to enact this idea when tragedy struck. The unfortunate loss of a loved one negated all plans I had. I immediately jumped to their side as a friend and propped them up knowing that this was not the same person who had constructed the painful web only a month before. I knew that this was by far a changed person who was crippled by the pain of this tragic incident. Seeing that, I did all I could to assist the emotionally weak. I even went as far as taking many hours of vacation and a slight pay cut so that I could stay near him. The only flaw in this, was that when speaking to one of the few that knew the plan I had intended on enacting I stated that we had to be nice to this person now due to their loss. Despite the love and effort I put into making this person comfortable and happy in this short time in January, that one saying when taken completely out of context at a later date would prove disastrous.
I stuck by him as much as possible in the following months, things even seemed to return to slight normality after several pieces were removed from the area and thus the direct equation. I enjoyed this time. Then another unfortunate event happened. The aforementioned person to whom I had made that statement to, began to converse again with the one whom I had discussed it about. On an evening when neither of them were in an apparent good mood, one brought up a subject relating to myself and another whom had made them slightly angered. They began discussing the other person before falling upon the subject of Mitch. At which time, I understand that my statement was then taken out of context and made to seem derisive towards the first party. This was never my intention. It was merely a notation of my change of action to one whom I had shared my original tactic with. Unfortunately when repeated outside of the original conversation and understanding it was taken in a completely unwanted way.
Since then I have gotten little information as to what has happened as the person I have been speaking of this entire time will not come to me to speak about the problems. Of which I understand that letting things be part of the past may still be an issue, let it be known that I hold no issue with anything past unless it still clouds others judgment today. I am very quick to look at issues as a whole and get my own closure on them, otherwise I would have not returned to being their friend. I still hold no grudge against this person and would enjoy their company again if they could open their eyes even just a little wider to understand the view everyone else held of this entire situation.
I also regret that due to this catastrophic social collapse I was unable to spend much time with people who were hardly even involved in the intertwining of words and emotions. I lament the time lost, and also the time forward of now that I will not get to see them due to this. I fear that the said subject of this Entry has unfortunately warped the minds of those who I care for to think of me as a bad person and a wonderful scapegoat to use for anything that might have gone socially wrong recently. I hope this not to be the case because as I stated earlier, all I do is for the betterment of others, and I am truly sorry if others are unable to see that.
Mitchell Lee Curd
Post Script - Hopefully all of this melodrama will come to an end for this group of my friends when come May 1st I will be living with my brother and will rarely find the need to leave my apartment. Hopefully then my original plan might be seen.
I feel that deceit is a persons first downfall. When someone lies they are not only hiding others from the truth, but they are themselves hiding from a truth they do not wish to face. Knowing this, I speak only from my direct knowledge and no longer make assumptions like I used to when I was younger. I feel that this has brought a great deal of respect among my peers as they know that what I tell them is what I truly believe and not just what I want them to believe. In that I feel that I can take pride. However, now that I have seen how well it has worked for me I wish I could share the same true-of-heart thought with all of those I care for. This wanting, or thirst, to help those of which I hold fond is what seems to have led to the recent distaste that comes to others mouths lately when they speak my name.
The desire to help others is the greatest sentiment of all human emotions. IT may not be the most prominent, or even the most effective at times, but it is by far the most remarkable. To be able to pass up our own instincts of survival to stop and care for those around us is a truly wonderful gift. I force this upon myself day after day. When the options are given to me, I lay them out on the table and consider which one will benefit everyone to the greatest outcome. This way of thinking has led me out of my selfish rut and has put on a larger more glamorous path. On this path I am able to look several months or even years down the line of each given option and judge to the highest moral standard which decision would best suit those around me.
Recently I have had troubles with the path I hurriedly chose several months ago. During the closing months of 2008 my eyes were opened to the fabrication of words being drawn around the lives of my friends, the select group of people I hold dear. I did not in any way see myself as an answer to this, rather as an on-looker who could then drop moral guidelines to those who were ensnared in this great web. I did nothing, I listened to the torment of others because of this ensnarement in the inaccuracy of words, yet I took no action. I thought this course to be the one chosen by a thought provoked mind, a mind looking through not only emotions and empathy, but logic as well.
So I listened, and so I heard. Unfortunately each tale from every end had its own twist on reality. I took them all in, considered the outcome of each well placed tale and what each tale would have turned out to be had each individual one been the true course that had taken place. None of which I could see ending horribly, and none of which I could see were of bad moral judgment. However, from story to story I was able to see the underlying problem. Weighing the negatives from one against the positives of others I began to see the fabrication drawn over all of us.
It was not my place to step in and say anything in this situation, and it was surely not my place to take any other action than just chaste guidance to those would listen. I saw the culmination of anger and spite grow within this group towards the closing of 2008 and the end of winter break due to these deceitful declarations. At that point I looked back to all of the other times in which I had seen these situations with people in the past. It was only then that I realized that I needed to remove myself until the teller of tales reached an epiphany and no longer weaved such intricate lies around those he surrounds himself with.
When January came around I expressed my plan to only a few. To remove myself almost brashly so that one may understand that mendacity is not respected by my moral code and hopefully not by others. I took this course hoping that the receiver of the signal would realize his wrongs and go about fixing them, therefore saving the emotions of those which he had entrenched in his deceit before they were wounded further. Knowing the one responsible and knowing how they would immediately disregard any verbal statements that made them uneasy about themselves or their actions, this seemed the only reasonable course I could take without out-stepping the boundaries of where I stood in this predicament.
I had only slightly begun to enact this idea when tragedy struck. The unfortunate loss of a loved one negated all plans I had. I immediately jumped to their side as a friend and propped them up knowing that this was not the same person who had constructed the painful web only a month before. I knew that this was by far a changed person who was crippled by the pain of this tragic incident. Seeing that, I did all I could to assist the emotionally weak. I even went as far as taking many hours of vacation and a slight pay cut so that I could stay near him. The only flaw in this, was that when speaking to one of the few that knew the plan I had intended on enacting I stated that we had to be nice to this person now due to their loss. Despite the love and effort I put into making this person comfortable and happy in this short time in January, that one saying when taken completely out of context at a later date would prove disastrous.
I stuck by him as much as possible in the following months, things even seemed to return to slight normality after several pieces were removed from the area and thus the direct equation. I enjoyed this time. Then another unfortunate event happened. The aforementioned person to whom I had made that statement to, began to converse again with the one whom I had discussed it about. On an evening when neither of them were in an apparent good mood, one brought up a subject relating to myself and another whom had made them slightly angered. They began discussing the other person before falling upon the subject of Mitch. At which time, I understand that my statement was then taken out of context and made to seem derisive towards the first party. This was never my intention. It was merely a notation of my change of action to one whom I had shared my original tactic with. Unfortunately when repeated outside of the original conversation and understanding it was taken in a completely unwanted way.
Since then I have gotten little information as to what has happened as the person I have been speaking of this entire time will not come to me to speak about the problems. Of which I understand that letting things be part of the past may still be an issue, let it be known that I hold no issue with anything past unless it still clouds others judgment today. I am very quick to look at issues as a whole and get my own closure on them, otherwise I would have not returned to being their friend. I still hold no grudge against this person and would enjoy their company again if they could open their eyes even just a little wider to understand the view everyone else held of this entire situation.
I also regret that due to this catastrophic social collapse I was unable to spend much time with people who were hardly even involved in the intertwining of words and emotions. I lament the time lost, and also the time forward of now that I will not get to see them due to this. I fear that the said subject of this Entry has unfortunately warped the minds of those who I care for to think of me as a bad person and a wonderful scapegoat to use for anything that might have gone socially wrong recently. I hope this not to be the case because as I stated earlier, all I do is for the betterment of others, and I am truly sorry if others are unable to see that.
Mitchell Lee Curd
Post Script - Hopefully all of this melodrama will come to an end for this group of my friends when come May 1st I will be living with my brother and will rarely find the need to leave my apartment. Hopefully then my original plan might be seen.