I march to the beat of a completely different drum...
Fuck.
I hate feelings. They suck.
So, continuing the story of my last post. I decided I liked her. I spent quite a bit of money on her, thinking things were going well. I hate being so fucking big hearted.
Here's what happened:
I decided I liked her, right? So I took her to meet my friends, some of the only people who I know I could trust to tell me exactly what I'm overlooking. Apparently there was no need. On Friday she met Ian and Mike, we played pool and it was a fun time. I tried to overlook the fact that she was flirting with both of them, hoping it was just her personality, as I'm that way. Today, we went to do the same thing, only this time with the rest of the group. She seemed to get along with everyone, which I thought was awesome. I bugged a little how she acted towards Ian, but I didn't care I knew whole-heartedly that he was no threat, he wouldn't do that to a friend. I realized that she wasn't acting as forward as she had at first, the she wouldn't flirt with me as much as she had been. It bothered me a little, but I was going to just look past it cause people have their off days, I know I do. When we were all out playing pool tonight though, I kept seeing her checking out guys around the hall, I can't talk shit on it people I check out girls all the time, it's only natural. I missed out on a lot of the "Girl Talk" between her, Karen, and Tina, but from what I understand she had her mind set on one guy in that hall, unfortunately...it wasn't me. I caught a little bit of it here and there about how she was looking at just one of the guys and saying he's cute and stuff, but I do the same thing when I talk to Travis, Mike, and Ian, like I said, it's natural right? Not in this case. I was standing there doing my best to flirt with her and show her a good time but when our conversation hit a low point she tells us all she'll be right back. She went to go pick up the guy she had been staring at. Low blow. Really low blow. Of course it hurt, because it was just that day that I had openly talked about how I was relatively pursuing her.
Pause for another shot and slight painful recollection.
Anyways, so Tina, Being the wonderful person that she is, (I LOVE YOU TINA!) went over there and did her best to make it awkward for the two of them. At that time I had already realized what was happening and was quite hurt that she would do that after I had brought her to quite a few things now and paid for quite a bit of shit for her. I don't think she realized it at first but Karen caught it right off the bat that I was hurt. She was the firs to ask if I was alright (Thank you Karen :-P) To which I openly and honestly responded "No... It hurts...quite a bit". Well, when we decided to leave she was still over talking to him, Tina had the courtesy to go tell her we were all leaving. She then came over to tell me she had to go home.
When we walked out to the car this was our convo:
Her - "I love meeting new friends :-)"
Me - "Thats cool"
Her - "Whats wrong?"
Me - "I might tell you later"
Her - "No, com'n tell me now"
Me - "I'll give you one guess, You'll get it in the first one anyways"
Her - "It has to do with me doesn't it?"
Me - "Yeah"
Her - "You know that we didn't have boundaries or anything set. Anyways, after hanging out with you more I see you more like a friend anyways"
Me - "Thats nice"
At which point I put on some Screaming death metal and drove home at 90mph. In silence.
Once we got there:
Her - "So I guess this means you're not taking me to work tomorrow?"
Me - "No"
Her - "And Monday is off?"
Me - "Yeah"
Her - "Well, I still have to take you out to the hookah bar and buy you dinner, cause I owe you that much"
Me - "Uh, Yeah"
Her - "But we're still going to have cigarette breaks together right?"
Me - "Probably not"
Her - "Oh come on, it's cigarette breaks"
Me - "Probably not, Bye"
Her - "I'll see you later"
Me - *smirk followed by driving away before she even rounded the back of the truck*
Granted that I was able to go see my friends afterward, which made me feel much better, I was...No, still am hurt. I hate people. I hate feelings. And I hate having such a big fucking heart. I supposed I'm doomed to just fail at relationships. Fuck.
I hate feelings. They suck.
So, continuing the story of my last post. I decided I liked her. I spent quite a bit of money on her, thinking things were going well. I hate being so fucking big hearted.
Here's what happened:
I decided I liked her, right? So I took her to meet my friends, some of the only people who I know I could trust to tell me exactly what I'm overlooking. Apparently there was no need. On Friday she met Ian and Mike, we played pool and it was a fun time. I tried to overlook the fact that she was flirting with both of them, hoping it was just her personality, as I'm that way. Today, we went to do the same thing, only this time with the rest of the group. She seemed to get along with everyone, which I thought was awesome. I bugged a little how she acted towards Ian, but I didn't care I knew whole-heartedly that he was no threat, he wouldn't do that to a friend. I realized that she wasn't acting as forward as she had at first, the she wouldn't flirt with me as much as she had been. It bothered me a little, but I was going to just look past it cause people have their off days, I know I do. When we were all out playing pool tonight though, I kept seeing her checking out guys around the hall, I can't talk shit on it people I check out girls all the time, it's only natural. I missed out on a lot of the "Girl Talk" between her, Karen, and Tina, but from what I understand she had her mind set on one guy in that hall, unfortunately...it wasn't me. I caught a little bit of it here and there about how she was looking at just one of the guys and saying he's cute and stuff, but I do the same thing when I talk to Travis, Mike, and Ian, like I said, it's natural right? Not in this case. I was standing there doing my best to flirt with her and show her a good time but when our conversation hit a low point she tells us all she'll be right back. She went to go pick up the guy she had been staring at. Low blow. Really low blow. Of course it hurt, because it was just that day that I had openly talked about how I was relatively pursuing her.
Pause for another shot and slight painful recollection.
Anyways, so Tina, Being the wonderful person that she is, (I LOVE YOU TINA!) went over there and did her best to make it awkward for the two of them. At that time I had already realized what was happening and was quite hurt that she would do that after I had brought her to quite a few things now and paid for quite a bit of shit for her. I don't think she realized it at first but Karen caught it right off the bat that I was hurt. She was the firs to ask if I was alright (Thank you Karen :-P) To which I openly and honestly responded "No... It hurts...quite a bit". Well, when we decided to leave she was still over talking to him, Tina had the courtesy to go tell her we were all leaving. She then came over to tell me she had to go home.
When we walked out to the car this was our convo:
Her - "I love meeting new friends :-)"
Me - "Thats cool"
Her - "Whats wrong?"
Me - "I might tell you later"
Her - "No, com'n tell me now"
Me - "I'll give you one guess, You'll get it in the first one anyways"
Her - "It has to do with me doesn't it?"
Me - "Yeah"
Her - "You know that we didn't have boundaries or anything set. Anyways, after hanging out with you more I see you more like a friend anyways"
Me - "Thats nice"
At which point I put on some Screaming death metal and drove home at 90mph. In silence.
Once we got there:
Her - "So I guess this means you're not taking me to work tomorrow?"
Me - "No"
Her - "And Monday is off?"
Me - "Yeah"
Her - "Well, I still have to take you out to the hookah bar and buy you dinner, cause I owe you that much"
Me - "Uh, Yeah"
Her - "But we're still going to have cigarette breaks together right?"
Me - "Probably not"
Her - "Oh come on, it's cigarette breaks"
Me - "Probably not, Bye"
Her - "I'll see you later"
Me - *smirk followed by driving away before she even rounded the back of the truck*
Granted that I was able to go see my friends afterward, which made me feel much better, I was...No, still am hurt. I hate people. I hate feelings. And I hate having such a big fucking heart. I supposed I'm doomed to just fail at relationships. Fuck.