crazy/beautiful

[incubusvictim]

I cant help but be uncomfortable around those two. Or two others. Or one other. I had all three of those boys first, and now you have them. I feel super wierd hanging out with you guys together. The first two I like both separately. She is nice and I enjoy being around her. He is fun and musically inclined, and I like watching him play. And for some reason I cant figure, he stares at me whenever she isnt looking at him. But when they are together, they are all cutesy and hand holdy and kissy, yada yada. Makes for an uncomfortable situation for me. Then the second two, I had him first, and then she started in, and he was having both at the same time. I knew about her the whole time, and she never knew about me. Still doesnt. and he is still touchy feely with me. And I like both of them, too. I like her more than him, but hes fun sometimes. And for the one other, I am sorry I made the move on him. I didnt think it would make things "wierd" but he made a move back. Then he got all wierd, and I left, and now hes not even my cuddle buddy. And the green eyed monster is rearing his ugly head. I dont have anyone REALLY. I dont even talk to Jason anymore. That fuckhead changed his phone number. So the opportunity to even be his friend isnt there. I like this kid Andrew, but every time we try to have him come see me, something happens to prevent it. Hes cute and funny and sweet and nice and blah blah blah but him living in NC puts a bit of a damper. And being military, he is randomly called to work on weekends, so plans make weeks ahead of time are not so likely to happen.

I am so jealous of happy people. Girls who are up the asses of boyfriends. Boyfriends who think their girlfriends are the coolest girls in the world. Couple who get to cuddle and sleep in the same bed. Couples who simply enjoy each other's company.

I dont know. All I know is, right now, "Its all about me and I suck."