Dec 15, 2004 00:17
Unfortunately, now is one of those times I was right again but I didn't want to be. Brandon and I broke up tonight for good. He told me that since our fight a couple of weeks ago that he just hasn't felt the same about me anymore. That he just doesn't love me the same. It's so hard to hear that from somebody that you've given everything to. I gave him my virginity because I believed him when he told me that he would be there forever and that he loved me no matter what. It's hard to know that the only person that really matters that much to you doesn't feel the same way. I wished I would have never met Brandon Dennis Johnston. I wish I would have never fallen in love with a fake. Everything happened so fast. I think about going to the front every morning only to meet a friend that I oh-so-want to be more. The only person I trusted enough to tell everything. I become so open with him and I feel like it was all for nothing. Everything that I've done with myself was all for nothing. It's so hard to believe and to think that something that has lasted for nearly 20 months is over so quickly. Everybody, as well as myself, thought we were going to get married. I guess that was never really in his plans, though. Who knows, considering he's lied to me about loving me for the past couple of weeks. I don't think I will ever love somebody again. I don't think I will ever open up again. I will never be the same. Chad held me and kissed me tonight but I just don't know how I feel about that. I don't want to jepordize anything that may be left of my relationship with Brandon because I will always love him. I will forever regret anything that would make him not want to be with me again. He told me on the phone tonight that he thinks we will be together again, he just doesn't know when. That made me feel a little bit better, even though he told me a long time ago, when we made the decisions we did, that he would always love me and we would always be together. I go back to read the letters he wrote to me and cry because I was so foolish to believe that I could have found a love so perfect. Why did I believe? I feel like I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I don't think I'll ever recover from this. Something I've worked so hard to make work, failed. Why do I always have to go through this? I look around my room and everything is centered around my love, Brandon. When I begin to think about things, automatically, I begin to think about the one who occupied my heart the most. I will forever love Brandon. I will forever take him back, but will he? Will he forever love me? Did he EVER love me? Who knows?
Tori Berry
(I suppose not so soon to be Johnston) = (