Another wasted breath
So lately I feel like...I dunno...I'm out of touch...or something I feel like either I've changed and things haven't or things have changed and I haven't...or something. I'm feeling a bit lost with all that's going on lately. I do know one thing is for sure and that is that I can't stay in the band program anymore...I was excited to be in it because I thought we'd have a great year but it hasn't even come close to meeting expectations. In fact it really has killed my self-worth as a person; not only could I not change the band, not contribute to it, but I couldn't fit with the band. everyone has either gone to the nay-sayers the people who hate band but I don't understand why they are still in it. or has become like john and think they're too good to be playing with us or feel that they are just plain the coolest thing since buttered toast. I'd much rather sleep in then have to get up and play crappy tunes with a crappy band and a crappy drummer with a crappy attitude. The band program is corrupt, that's all there is to it, nothing there for me and so I bid it adieu.
Anyways, I also feel like ...I dunno, down but not down... Like I know things are going good for me right now and I shouldn't be upset but I guess I'm just PMS-y lately...I tend to do that sometimes. I kinda feel like there is something wrong with molly and I, I just can't put my finger on it...and I want to fix it before it becomes a problem. I think that was my problem before, if a relationship went south on me I just dropped it, for some reason I felt that if it doesn't work, it doesn't work and you shouldn't struggle. And I let a good girl get away before...I probably shouldn't have...maybe I should have whatever God had planned for me wasn't with that girl... for some reason I feel like God's telling me that Molly is something speciall and I feel like she's the one to struggle for. I also feel like I've been draggin her around alot, like I'm always coming up with ideas and stuff and maybe I should just let her think of a few ideas, we'll do something she enjoys, I feel like I've been kinda squishin her with all that I do...and I know the most likely girl answer to that is "oh no, it's okay I like doing what you like to do" and they really mean that they enjoy it but it's getting old...or maybe I just assume too much and I'm being dumb. I think today I shall make a change, stop being such a jackass and really try to see myself through other people's eyes and junk.
ON a happier note, I had the most awesome and a half time at the links training. I really enjoyed meeting all those people and listening to micah, who is probably the funniest speaker I've ever heard in my life. The bus ride over and back were just as fun, got to know some people I didn't really know that well. All in all great experience.
Today I look at my senior photos and order them, yay looking at pictures of myself...I really don't like to look at myself...ever if possible...and this will be the best part...spending like 400 dollars on them to get the right things...ugh...why is it that all a senior does is buy shit...all this graduation stuff.. sooooo expensive...just cuz we're seniors doesn't mean we have gawbs of money...
I guess this post has just gone completely random. Oh well
I started writing a song, and this one could turn out pretty well if I could figure out a good corus, I've got a progression for the verse just need some words, even got the melody picked out. I wish I could write like geoff, he's been given an amazing gift of writing ability sooo... good... but yeah I have to go now and get the dog to the groomers and do some other schtuff, talk to you all later? happy early thanksgiving
Anyways, I also feel like ...I dunno, down but not down... Like I know things are going good for me right now and I shouldn't be upset but I guess I'm just PMS-y lately...I tend to do that sometimes. I kinda feel like there is something wrong with molly and I, I just can't put my finger on it...and I want to fix it before it becomes a problem. I think that was my problem before, if a relationship went south on me I just dropped it, for some reason I felt that if it doesn't work, it doesn't work and you shouldn't struggle. And I let a good girl get away before...I probably shouldn't have...maybe I should have whatever God had planned for me wasn't with that girl... for some reason I feel like God's telling me that Molly is something speciall and I feel like she's the one to struggle for. I also feel like I've been draggin her around alot, like I'm always coming up with ideas and stuff and maybe I should just let her think of a few ideas, we'll do something she enjoys, I feel like I've been kinda squishin her with all that I do...and I know the most likely girl answer to that is "oh no, it's okay I like doing what you like to do" and they really mean that they enjoy it but it's getting old...or maybe I just assume too much and I'm being dumb. I think today I shall make a change, stop being such a jackass and really try to see myself through other people's eyes and junk.
ON a happier note, I had the most awesome and a half time at the links training. I really enjoyed meeting all those people and listening to micah, who is probably the funniest speaker I've ever heard in my life. The bus ride over and back were just as fun, got to know some people I didn't really know that well. All in all great experience.
Today I look at my senior photos and order them, yay looking at pictures of myself...I really don't like to look at myself...ever if possible...and this will be the best part...spending like 400 dollars on them to get the right things...ugh...why is it that all a senior does is buy shit...all this graduation stuff.. sooooo expensive...just cuz we're seniors doesn't mean we have gawbs of money...
I guess this post has just gone completely random. Oh well
I started writing a song, and this one could turn out pretty well if I could figure out a good corus, I've got a progression for the verse just need some words, even got the melody picked out. I wish I could write like geoff, he's been given an amazing gift of writing ability sooo... good... but yeah I have to go now and get the dog to the groomers and do some other schtuff, talk to you all later? happy early thanksgiving