I feel strange enough to cry...
So last night I had a talk with Debbie. When I told her I loved her, she said she didn't want me to have these feelings. I asked if it's because she didn't feel the same, and she said yes. (Pretty much as I thought.)
She also told me that recently she's been sleeping with one of her other friends. I kind of had an idea though, because she's been spending a lot of time with him lately. She's known him since she was about 15 or 16. They dated when they first met, but decided that it wasn't working, so they became friends and have been ever since. She told me that she decided to give him another chance and see where things go. I know it's not going to be serious between them. She's not ready for anything serious right now, and I'm finally realizing that. Really realizing it. I think what did it for me was seeing her cry at work yesterday. She has so much stress in her life right now. The only thing she has to give to anyone is friendship. And I want to be there for her, but I'm torn because I need time to pull myself together. I need time to myself.
The only problem is I don't want to lose her as a friend in the process. All day I've had a line from a Joydrop song in my head. "I know it seems funny, but maybe we just said goodbye." I don't want it to be like that. The last thing I want is to lose her completely. God, I fucking love her so much. I can't stand the thought of her not being in my life. That would kill me.
Anyway, here are the lyrics to the song I had in my head. It's called Strawberry Merigold
-----
Cover me in fire
Drop me down to the deepest darkest ocean
So I never have to feel that way again
Color on the carpet
Seven eyes on the ceiling
There's a feeling that comes over you when you know that
Something has changed forever
Don't lose your wings 'til you learn
How to sing yourself to sleep
I know it seems funny but
Maybe we just said goodbye
I feel strange enough to cry
Strawberry merigold smile
Please don't bring me down with that look on your face
Because I almost didn't make it and
One day you just might know how that feels
I heard the mermaids singing once when I was very small
But now the sound of the traffic and
Human voices wake us 'til we drown
Don't lose your wings 'til you learn
How to sing yourself to sleep
I know it seems funny but
Maybe we just said goodbye
I feel strange enough to cry
Strawberry merigold smile
Seven angels seven plagues
And the trumpet and the saint
I tell you man if it was me on that beast
I would not let you fuck with me like that
It's dangerous to see beyond the visions that we breathe
But I can hold it in my hand and know that
There is something to this that will never die
Don't lose your wings 'til you learn
How to sing yourself to sleep
I know it seems funny but
Maybe we just said goodbye
I feel strange enough to cry
Strawberry merigold smile
She also told me that recently she's been sleeping with one of her other friends. I kind of had an idea though, because she's been spending a lot of time with him lately. She's known him since she was about 15 or 16. They dated when they first met, but decided that it wasn't working, so they became friends and have been ever since. She told me that she decided to give him another chance and see where things go. I know it's not going to be serious between them. She's not ready for anything serious right now, and I'm finally realizing that. Really realizing it. I think what did it for me was seeing her cry at work yesterday. She has so much stress in her life right now. The only thing she has to give to anyone is friendship. And I want to be there for her, but I'm torn because I need time to pull myself together. I need time to myself.
The only problem is I don't want to lose her as a friend in the process. All day I've had a line from a Joydrop song in my head. "I know it seems funny, but maybe we just said goodbye." I don't want it to be like that. The last thing I want is to lose her completely. God, I fucking love her so much. I can't stand the thought of her not being in my life. That would kill me.
Anyway, here are the lyrics to the song I had in my head. It's called Strawberry Merigold
-----
Cover me in fire
Drop me down to the deepest darkest ocean
So I never have to feel that way again
Color on the carpet
Seven eyes on the ceiling
There's a feeling that comes over you when you know that
Something has changed forever
Don't lose your wings 'til you learn
How to sing yourself to sleep
I know it seems funny but
Maybe we just said goodbye
I feel strange enough to cry
Strawberry merigold smile
Please don't bring me down with that look on your face
Because I almost didn't make it and
One day you just might know how that feels
I heard the mermaids singing once when I was very small
But now the sound of the traffic and
Human voices wake us 'til we drown
Don't lose your wings 'til you learn
How to sing yourself to sleep
I know it seems funny but
Maybe we just said goodbye
I feel strange enough to cry
Strawberry merigold smile
Seven angels seven plagues
And the trumpet and the saint
I tell you man if it was me on that beast
I would not let you fuck with me like that
It's dangerous to see beyond the visions that we breathe
But I can hold it in my hand and know that
There is something to this that will never die
Don't lose your wings 'til you learn
How to sing yourself to sleep
I know it seems funny but
Maybe we just said goodbye
I feel strange enough to cry
Strawberry merigold smile