Dirty 30 Day
Here it is. I'm still alive. I can't believe I made it to #30.
I have been saying since I was 18 or 19 I would be dead by the time I reached 30, yet I made it this far. By the skin of my teeth, no less...
I'm here in California. All by myself. Without my partner, cats or my parents. I miss them so much. My best friend is doing the absolute best for me here, but it's not the same without the loves of my life.
Looking back on my 30 years of life on this planet I am reflecting on the decisions I've made to be where I'm sitting today. Unemployed, homeless and broke. Sounds way worse than it is. I chose to do this. Now I can only hope that this leap of faith clears the canyon I'm gliding across.
I know where I've stood on past regrets, but at the moment I'm not remorseful in any way. Only missed opportunities. They will come back around again some day, maybe much better than first presentation. I can only pray that the next 30 years I am equally as healthy as I am today at age 60. If I could make it to 75 I think I can die a happy person. If I die at 40 for whatever reason, I know that I've done the very best I can do most of the time and this life was not spent in vain. God blesses the precious lives we are given and some day I only hope I can truly embrace and carry out what I'm here for on this earth.
30 years have come and gone. More will come my way. Today is another new beginning. Not like other new beginnings. No. This is a whole new volume we're about to start today. Volume 2 of my wonderful life.
No fancy party or dinner planned today. I wanted to keep this low key. I'm not celebrating with the most important people in my life. I am not whole at the moment. Only wholesome. And, in about three weeks I should be reunited with Paul and my kitties and this life can start up all over again. My life in love is sorely missed.
For now, I will hit the sheets and continue to dream of the precious moments we have. Fantasize of whats to come down the line. Only time will tell if everything will turn out the way I planned. But, it doesn't really matter if I ain't got him with me anyway.
I have been saying since I was 18 or 19 I would be dead by the time I reached 30, yet I made it this far. By the skin of my teeth, no less...
I'm here in California. All by myself. Without my partner, cats or my parents. I miss them so much. My best friend is doing the absolute best for me here, but it's not the same without the loves of my life.
Looking back on my 30 years of life on this planet I am reflecting on the decisions I've made to be where I'm sitting today. Unemployed, homeless and broke. Sounds way worse than it is. I chose to do this. Now I can only hope that this leap of faith clears the canyon I'm gliding across.
I know where I've stood on past regrets, but at the moment I'm not remorseful in any way. Only missed opportunities. They will come back around again some day, maybe much better than first presentation. I can only pray that the next 30 years I am equally as healthy as I am today at age 60. If I could make it to 75 I think I can die a happy person. If I die at 40 for whatever reason, I know that I've done the very best I can do most of the time and this life was not spent in vain. God blesses the precious lives we are given and some day I only hope I can truly embrace and carry out what I'm here for on this earth.
30 years have come and gone. More will come my way. Today is another new beginning. Not like other new beginnings. No. This is a whole new volume we're about to start today. Volume 2 of my wonderful life.
No fancy party or dinner planned today. I wanted to keep this low key. I'm not celebrating with the most important people in my life. I am not whole at the moment. Only wholesome. And, in about three weeks I should be reunited with Paul and my kitties and this life can start up all over again. My life in love is sorely missed.
For now, I will hit the sheets and continue to dream of the precious moments we have. Fantasize of whats to come down the line. Only time will tell if everything will turn out the way I planned. But, it doesn't really matter if I ain't got him with me anyway.