Regretsies
First of all, if you haven't seen Regretsy before you simply must check it out. Paul and I have had tons and tons of side splitting laughs from that website! It's where DIY meets WTF! Lovely!
I can't believe I'm getting so close to my 30th birthday in June. We're in the beginning of Taurus and their hungry asses and soon it'll be the dawn of us Geminis. Lord help us all. You know what is kind of scary? I have been saying since I was 18 that I was not going to make it to 30 years old. I would die of some health related death around 28 or 29 and so far, the diseases have been delayed by really good health insurance some time ago. I am extremely grateful to God for what he's given me in life and what he continues to provide me.
Speaking of things that God has given to me, I have a section here to talk about regrets tonight. How many of you have regrets? I have said for the good part of the last decade in my infinite young adult wisdom that I don't have any regrets. "Regrets make me who I am. They make me who I am today." While the latter of these inside voices is true, I don't think humans can ever not have any regrets. Not even the smallest one can be over looked. Is it human nature to have regrets?
I regret sincerely not trying hard enough senior year of high school to be the best I could possibly achieve. This poor attitude and effort kept me from pursuing a 4 year college. I let someone tell me and make me believe that certain colleges were for losers and people who couldn't get into the "Real" schools. I could've gone to San Jose State University and probably obtained a good degree and have stayed in California and lived out the dreams I had of working in one of those tech places, making way too much money and maybe take up mountain biking in the San Bruno mountains. I let complacency and, frankly arrogance get the absolute best days I could ever have taken away from me and swallowed up so fast.
However, on the flip side of not attending college and actually keeping on the path that I actually wanted for myself, I let myself sink into the lies I let myself believe and "Tried" community college for part of a semester before moving to Texas. If I wouldn't have failed at community college like I did I wouldn't have moved here, and I wouldn't be sitting where I'm at today. If I were to go back in time and actually continued on my path I was moving on, the one that counselors and mentors and scholarship programs help move me along I wouldn't be here in Texas. I would have never met Paul and my life would be completely different. If I could go back in time to 11th grade, I don't know if I would do it or not. 50% of me says hell yes, and the other 50% feels a meager "No."
I have absolutely no regrets of meeting Paul. He is my love, my life. I know I rarely share it, and often times I destroyed it all over my LJ, but those moments in time are when I simply gave up fighting. I don't like to work really hard at anything. I'm often times selfish enough to the point where I'm willing to throw everything away because I would rather keep skating in life than work hard on anything. I often times think of myself and where I would be if I was not with Paul. What kind of guy would I be with? That mystique often created tumultuous waters in my life but now I'm feeling like it was all part of the growing up process and I have no regret for that.
When I bought my house in 2009, more strings were pulled to help me out with a home loan than there were strings pulled for Halliburton in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. I bought a home because I obsessed about having the home, the nice car and the great paying job. I kept a job I had because the money was pretty good and with that I got a car that I absolutely fell in love with because I secretly thought it would bring a level of prestige and envy to my friends and family. The SUV had a BOSE 6 Disc Changer with Dolby speakers and had the new car smell. It was 3 years old. The house was brand new complete with a new tree, new shrubs and grass. The cutest little 3 bed and 2 full bath home you would ever see. I was so proud to tell people I was a home owner and so were my parents. Great car, new house. I was sooooo unhappy. Everyone saw the lighter side of me all the time. That took such a toll on my mental health, not to mention the crappiest emotionally draining cancer I called "My Job" was causing me to slowly snap. I worked so hard to keep the car, keep the house and in the end it wasn't enough. I was frontin' and eventually I lost it all, on purpose. And do you know why? I knew it wasn't making me happy. The title of home owner, truck owner and big energy company employee with outstanding benefits and great pay was not me. Not Jesse Cervantes. That was a huge regret on my part for some time and is sort of till this day. However, I do not regret losing everything for one minute because all of it did not make me happy in the least. None.
Today we saw a movie called "I Am." It's by Tom Shadyac and it is one of those films that left an impression on my mind. Like that Tyler Perry movie, "Why Did I Get Married?" I actually had a take-away from that movie that I still keep in my mind every day. If y'all ain't familiar with the 80/20 rule y'all better get with it quick. See video below. Actually I'm posting 2 videos today. You must see "I Am" as it let's you realize that we are all inter-connected on this Earth. Life isn't about stuff, obtaining stuff or being über successful. Life is about love: Love what you do, love yourself and love each other. I'm telling you, every person on this planet, and thing matter. Whether you realize it or not your time on this planet is very short. Why are you playing this cancerous game? Take what you need. Share the rest. Your action has a reaction. It completely changed my outlook on life. So thank you Tom Shadyac.
While I was watching "I Am" at the theater, I was relieved to know that the feelings and thoughts that I keep bottled up inside were being played out on the screen in front of me. I shed the belief that people were going to immediately think I was a "Tree hugger" or "Hippie." I really don't care what people will think of me. I want to live my life in love. I want to share my love of nature and my love for the poor and unfortunate. I don't want to be Michael Douglas "Wall Street" guy. I don't even want to have more money than I could ever imagine. I just want to be happy in my life: Family, friends and cooperation.
I often say I'm going to delete my Facebook and my twitter feed. I cancelled my MySpace years ago. I didn't see the need for one since everyone migrated over to Facebook. However, now I'm seeing that I don't really want to be so connected in an artificial way to my friends and family. I don't like that we all text each other messages and send messages through social networking sites. The personality I feel in a text is often misrepresented. People's friendships, relationships and families can all end in a click of a "Post" button. Artificiality is everywhere now and my body is dying for the break I so desperately want to give it.
So, wrapping this whole thing up: "Do you have any regrets?" Feel free to leave me a comment. I really want to take the time to say that I typically will tell you I have no regrets. That is a lie and a half. I have some regrets. Some have made me stronger and some have broken me. I can't say I'm just over the moon happy right now. But, I have my health (sort of), I have a partner that was put on this earth just for me, I have two adorable and very loving and huggable cats that run to greet us every morning we open the door to our bedroom when we wake up and come home from running around town. My parents absolutely love me and respect me. I can't say having a gay son is a great thing, but the blessing is they have a son that is happy. They did an amazing job raising me and continue to do a great job being there for me. I may not be perfect but I am who I am. Regrets and all. What is your legacy for this lifetime? What will you be known for? Don't take your life and sacrifice it to our culture. Our normal is a lie. Like the great Dave Ramsey says being "Normal" means to be in debt. Try being "Weird" everybody. It might just change your life.
I can't believe I'm getting so close to my 30th birthday in June. We're in the beginning of Taurus and their hungry asses and soon it'll be the dawn of us Geminis. Lord help us all. You know what is kind of scary? I have been saying since I was 18 that I was not going to make it to 30 years old. I would die of some health related death around 28 or 29 and so far, the diseases have been delayed by really good health insurance some time ago. I am extremely grateful to God for what he's given me in life and what he continues to provide me.
Speaking of things that God has given to me, I have a section here to talk about regrets tonight. How many of you have regrets? I have said for the good part of the last decade in my infinite young adult wisdom that I don't have any regrets. "Regrets make me who I am. They make me who I am today." While the latter of these inside voices is true, I don't think humans can ever not have any regrets. Not even the smallest one can be over looked. Is it human nature to have regrets?
I regret sincerely not trying hard enough senior year of high school to be the best I could possibly achieve. This poor attitude and effort kept me from pursuing a 4 year college. I let someone tell me and make me believe that certain colleges were for losers and people who couldn't get into the "Real" schools. I could've gone to San Jose State University and probably obtained a good degree and have stayed in California and lived out the dreams I had of working in one of those tech places, making way too much money and maybe take up mountain biking in the San Bruno mountains. I let complacency and, frankly arrogance get the absolute best days I could ever have taken away from me and swallowed up so fast.
However, on the flip side of not attending college and actually keeping on the path that I actually wanted for myself, I let myself sink into the lies I let myself believe and "Tried" community college for part of a semester before moving to Texas. If I wouldn't have failed at community college like I did I wouldn't have moved here, and I wouldn't be sitting where I'm at today. If I were to go back in time and actually continued on my path I was moving on, the one that counselors and mentors and scholarship programs help move me along I wouldn't be here in Texas. I would have never met Paul and my life would be completely different. If I could go back in time to 11th grade, I don't know if I would do it or not. 50% of me says hell yes, and the other 50% feels a meager "No."
I have absolutely no regrets of meeting Paul. He is my love, my life. I know I rarely share it, and often times I destroyed it all over my LJ, but those moments in time are when I simply gave up fighting. I don't like to work really hard at anything. I'm often times selfish enough to the point where I'm willing to throw everything away because I would rather keep skating in life than work hard on anything. I often times think of myself and where I would be if I was not with Paul. What kind of guy would I be with? That mystique often created tumultuous waters in my life but now I'm feeling like it was all part of the growing up process and I have no regret for that.
When I bought my house in 2009, more strings were pulled to help me out with a home loan than there were strings pulled for Halliburton in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. I bought a home because I obsessed about having the home, the nice car and the great paying job. I kept a job I had because the money was pretty good and with that I got a car that I absolutely fell in love with because I secretly thought it would bring a level of prestige and envy to my friends and family. The SUV had a BOSE 6 Disc Changer with Dolby speakers and had the new car smell. It was 3 years old. The house was brand new complete with a new tree, new shrubs and grass. The cutest little 3 bed and 2 full bath home you would ever see. I was so proud to tell people I was a home owner and so were my parents. Great car, new house. I was sooooo unhappy. Everyone saw the lighter side of me all the time. That took such a toll on my mental health, not to mention the crappiest emotionally draining cancer I called "My Job" was causing me to slowly snap. I worked so hard to keep the car, keep the house and in the end it wasn't enough. I was frontin' and eventually I lost it all, on purpose. And do you know why? I knew it wasn't making me happy. The title of home owner, truck owner and big energy company employee with outstanding benefits and great pay was not me. Not Jesse Cervantes. That was a huge regret on my part for some time and is sort of till this day. However, I do not regret losing everything for one minute because all of it did not make me happy in the least. None.
Today we saw a movie called "I Am." It's by Tom Shadyac and it is one of those films that left an impression on my mind. Like that Tyler Perry movie, "Why Did I Get Married?" I actually had a take-away from that movie that I still keep in my mind every day. If y'all ain't familiar with the 80/20 rule y'all better get with it quick. See video below. Actually I'm posting 2 videos today. You must see "I Am" as it let's you realize that we are all inter-connected on this Earth. Life isn't about stuff, obtaining stuff or being über successful. Life is about love: Love what you do, love yourself and love each other. I'm telling you, every person on this planet, and thing matter. Whether you realize it or not your time on this planet is very short. Why are you playing this cancerous game? Take what you need. Share the rest. Your action has a reaction. It completely changed my outlook on life. So thank you Tom Shadyac.
Click to viewWhile I was watching "I Am" at the theater, I was relieved to know that the feelings and thoughts that I keep bottled up inside were being played out on the screen in front of me. I shed the belief that people were going to immediately think I was a "Tree hugger" or "Hippie." I really don't care what people will think of me. I want to live my life in love. I want to share my love of nature and my love for the poor and unfortunate. I don't want to be Michael Douglas "Wall Street" guy. I don't even want to have more money than I could ever imagine. I just want to be happy in my life: Family, friends and cooperation.
I often say I'm going to delete my Facebook and my twitter feed. I cancelled my MySpace years ago. I didn't see the need for one since everyone migrated over to Facebook. However, now I'm seeing that I don't really want to be so connected in an artificial way to my friends and family. I don't like that we all text each other messages and send messages through social networking sites. The personality I feel in a text is often misrepresented. People's friendships, relationships and families can all end in a click of a "Post" button. Artificiality is everywhere now and my body is dying for the break I so desperately want to give it.
So, wrapping this whole thing up: "Do you have any regrets?" Feel free to leave me a comment. I really want to take the time to say that I typically will tell you I have no regrets. That is a lie and a half. I have some regrets. Some have made me stronger and some have broken me. I can't say I'm just over the moon happy right now. But, I have my health (sort of), I have a partner that was put on this earth just for me, I have two adorable and very loving and huggable cats that run to greet us every morning we open the door to our bedroom when we wake up and come home from running around town. My parents absolutely love me and respect me. I can't say having a gay son is a great thing, but the blessing is they have a son that is happy. They did an amazing job raising me and continue to do a great job being there for me. I may not be perfect but I am who I am. Regrets and all. What is your legacy for this lifetime? What will you be known for? Don't take your life and sacrifice it to our culture. Our normal is a lie. Like the great Dave Ramsey says being "Normal" means to be in debt. Try being "Weird" everybody. It might just change your life.