St Anxious Fire
Its sits on your chest like a 2 ton elephant. It brings warriors to their knees. It effects almost all of us. What is it?
I guess I've always had it. I always have my way of dealing with it subconsciously, but lately it's more out in the open. It could be because I'm not working at the moment, but I've been much more relaxed now that I'm not working day in and day out at a job that I absolutely loathe. Things in life are kind of splendid and I don't know why my anxiety has intensified.
Paul's area of expertise is psychological mechanics, but he's asleep and I don't want to wake him about this issue. He has enough to deal with without me adding another layer of drama to his life. We took a trip to San Antonio today and I'm in a nice hotel with down bedding and free wifi, yet my heart and mind are racing and I can't seem to focus on anything else but those feelings.
I went for a walk around the hotel property and that did not help. I felt really awkward walking around empty hallways. I came back to the room and I felt even more anxious so I broke out the iPad and started this entry tonight.
The crazy thing is, you don't need a reason to be anxious. I always ask Paul, "What caused your anxiety?" His answer is always the same: "That's the thing, I don't now know why i'm feeling this way." Now I'm beginning to see what the heck he's been going through.
We came to San Antonio today just to get some alone time. Both being unemployed is a job in itself. We're always engaged in this dance of "Don't step on my toes" throughout the day. He has his ancient routine and I have nothing really going on in my life. Kind of pathetic, but whatever I guess. We have the cats too. Those little monsters require a lot of love and attention too. I really miss them right now.
I'm hoping that my emygdela will calm down enough to get a good 4-6 hours of sleep. Paul has nothing to do when he wakes up at 8:00 so I will have to drag myself out of bed too like it or not. I really wish I had some headphones and Angry Birds Rio on my iPad right now. That would really take the edge off I think.
Oh well I guess I'll try this sleep thing again. Good night all.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.