The Funky Worm
Tomorrow I have a test to take in the morning. It's called an Helicobacter "H" Pylori test. Paul thought it was a worm, like a tape worm in his body one time. I called it the "Funky Worm" because we're soulful and I can't help but think of that Ohio Players song of the same name. It'll only take a few minutes and won't be painful at all. It's all for the gastric bypass surgery I'll be getting hopefully really soon.
I don't think I mentioned it on here but yes, it's true. I'm going to undergo the knife and have my intestines re-routed like Boston's I-95 "Big Dig." Paul's insurance pays for the surgery and although really drastic and dangerous I'm going to get it done and I'm going to tackle this diabetes and eating disorder I have. I will be so skinty soon it'll be fabulous.
So, I'm throwing my weight into the bankruptcy case too! Hahahaha! Just kidding. If only it were that easy, right? I'm really trying to make a change in my life because I really believe in starting over. I mean, I can't necessarily go to school full time and have a full time job and have high stress full time. So, I've got a plan to make it all happen and it's starting with some tricks that straight women do: Invest in their man.
I have a friend named Kim who's Mama took her Daddy and made him into a millionaire. Everyone told her he was no good and won't ever amount to shit and he is! The key to it all is that she made him believe what she believed and even if she didn't believe what she said half of the time. Sacrifices were made and compromises cooked up and now they are where they want to be in life.
Now, I don't know about all that and that plan of attack because her Mama and I are a lot different. I'm a lot more of a push over because I don't let my self be hypocritical most of the time. But the other day I got to thinking and I realized that I am going about my road to wealth and comfort all wrong. I'm thinking too inside the box about how I plan to achieve my degree and a career.
But more on that in a minute.
About two weeks ago I learned to play Chess for the first time. I mean, I've dabbled a little in it here and there but truly did not understand the concept until we learned together how to play. Now I love playing it. The strategical planning and assumptions really get my adrenaline going! It's awesome! When I play the Sims 3 I often thought to myself HOW playing chess raised your logical points. I mean, from an engineering stand point, how does it work? Now I actually know why my Sims get smart by playing chess. Now, playing chess by themselves, I couldn't tell you how the hell that works.
So, playing chess teaches you strategy and builds on your logic. Chess encourages me to think outside the box and I love that! Forever and a day I was so depressed and angry that I can't really make a reality out of going to school full time and getting a degree in about 2-3 years. I mean, I'm already a sophomore and shit but I'll be a sophomore for about another 5 years at this speed. So, I thought "What can I do to make sure I get school taken care of?" Then it came to me.
I'm making enough money right now to afford where we live, the groceries and all of the living expenses (as long as we do not have car payments and car insurance + gas) as long as I work full time every week. With Paul working we have that much more money that we blow on bullshit all the time (usually food). But, since he had his gastric sleeve surgery he can't eat but a couple of bites and that's it. We're saving a ton of money when we go out because he can't eat. But, that's gonna be me too soon so hello $$savings$$
So I told Paul that the best thing for him to do for me is to stop working and go to school full time. There are many reasons that I will not list for his own sake why he needs to go to school full time but I am going to keep working and bringing home income while he goes to school, takes on a full course load and gets a degree in about 2-3 years. I'm really relying on him to find something that he loves to do so I can go to school and get a degree in something, possibly a change of career in my mid thirties. I figure my 20s were almost a total waste, might as well make the most of my 30s!
So, Paul is on the fence about letting me work full time while he goes to school, but honestly while I have a job that seems promising and I'm making decent money I think one of us needs to take advantage of the other's promising employment and get a degree. That makes the fall back to the bottom if we ever have it again not hurt *so bad*.
I don't know what got up inside of me but I've made a real 180 from where I was just over 6 months ago. And for the ig'nant folks I didn't do a real 360 either. It amazes me how some people just don't get "it."
I thought today "I can't imagine my life with anyone else." Really, to think that I wanted to go out and date and see what other people are out there for me "Just in case." But, through all the tears, anger and fear I really enjoy being with my Baby. I endured about 3 months of therapy and I learned a lot about myself and again, like chess learned how to think outside of the box and things are not always black and white. I am proud of him, he is 4 months sober. He attends a lot of therapy (willingly) and even managed to ween himself off of mood stabilizers that were making him crazy.
We're honest and honestly I am so happy and proud to be with him. For all of his flaws he has a ton more wonderful qualities. Maybe it's growing up, maybe it's letting down my gaurd and finally accepting that I am very worthy of being loved and having an amazing partner that is there for me through and through. No matter how bad he messes up it's okay because I love him and that's all that matters.
In 2 years we plan on having a commitment ceremony together. It'll be in California, on the Big Sur coastline on a cliff overlooking forever. It'll be fantastic and you are invited. I don't know what got into me. Maybe it's a love bug or the "funky worm" for all I know but whatever it is it's got to my brain and it's changing me for the better. So, yay!
I don't think I mentioned it on here but yes, it's true. I'm going to undergo the knife and have my intestines re-routed like Boston's I-95 "Big Dig." Paul's insurance pays for the surgery and although really drastic and dangerous I'm going to get it done and I'm going to tackle this diabetes and eating disorder I have. I will be so skinty soon it'll be fabulous.
So, I'm throwing my weight into the bankruptcy case too! Hahahaha! Just kidding. If only it were that easy, right? I'm really trying to make a change in my life because I really believe in starting over. I mean, I can't necessarily go to school full time and have a full time job and have high stress full time. So, I've got a plan to make it all happen and it's starting with some tricks that straight women do: Invest in their man.
I have a friend named Kim who's Mama took her Daddy and made him into a millionaire. Everyone told her he was no good and won't ever amount to shit and he is! The key to it all is that she made him believe what she believed and even if she didn't believe what she said half of the time. Sacrifices were made and compromises cooked up and now they are where they want to be in life.
Now, I don't know about all that and that plan of attack because her Mama and I are a lot different. I'm a lot more of a push over because I don't let my self be hypocritical most of the time. But the other day I got to thinking and I realized that I am going about my road to wealth and comfort all wrong. I'm thinking too inside the box about how I plan to achieve my degree and a career.
But more on that in a minute.
About two weeks ago I learned to play Chess for the first time. I mean, I've dabbled a little in it here and there but truly did not understand the concept until we learned together how to play. Now I love playing it. The strategical planning and assumptions really get my adrenaline going! It's awesome! When I play the Sims 3 I often thought to myself HOW playing chess raised your logical points. I mean, from an engineering stand point, how does it work? Now I actually know why my Sims get smart by playing chess. Now, playing chess by themselves, I couldn't tell you how the hell that works.
So, playing chess teaches you strategy and builds on your logic. Chess encourages me to think outside the box and I love that! Forever and a day I was so depressed and angry that I can't really make a reality out of going to school full time and getting a degree in about 2-3 years. I mean, I'm already a sophomore and shit but I'll be a sophomore for about another 5 years at this speed. So, I thought "What can I do to make sure I get school taken care of?" Then it came to me.
I'm making enough money right now to afford where we live, the groceries and all of the living expenses (as long as we do not have car payments and car insurance + gas) as long as I work full time every week. With Paul working we have that much more money that we blow on bullshit all the time (usually food). But, since he had his gastric sleeve surgery he can't eat but a couple of bites and that's it. We're saving a ton of money when we go out because he can't eat. But, that's gonna be me too soon so hello $$savings$$
So I told Paul that the best thing for him to do for me is to stop working and go to school full time. There are many reasons that I will not list for his own sake why he needs to go to school full time but I am going to keep working and bringing home income while he goes to school, takes on a full course load and gets a degree in about 2-3 years. I'm really relying on him to find something that he loves to do so I can go to school and get a degree in something, possibly a change of career in my mid thirties. I figure my 20s were almost a total waste, might as well make the most of my 30s!
So, Paul is on the fence about letting me work full time while he goes to school, but honestly while I have a job that seems promising and I'm making decent money I think one of us needs to take advantage of the other's promising employment and get a degree. That makes the fall back to the bottom if we ever have it again not hurt *so bad*.
I don't know what got up inside of me but I've made a real 180 from where I was just over 6 months ago. And for the ig'nant folks I didn't do a real 360 either. It amazes me how some people just don't get "it."
I thought today "I can't imagine my life with anyone else." Really, to think that I wanted to go out and date and see what other people are out there for me "Just in case." But, through all the tears, anger and fear I really enjoy being with my Baby. I endured about 3 months of therapy and I learned a lot about myself and again, like chess learned how to think outside of the box and things are not always black and white. I am proud of him, he is 4 months sober. He attends a lot of therapy (willingly) and even managed to ween himself off of mood stabilizers that were making him crazy.
We're honest and honestly I am so happy and proud to be with him. For all of his flaws he has a ton more wonderful qualities. Maybe it's growing up, maybe it's letting down my gaurd and finally accepting that I am very worthy of being loved and having an amazing partner that is there for me through and through. No matter how bad he messes up it's okay because I love him and that's all that matters.
In 2 years we plan on having a commitment ceremony together. It'll be in California, on the Big Sur coastline on a cliff overlooking forever. It'll be fantastic and you are invited. I don't know what got into me. Maybe it's a love bug or the "funky worm" for all I know but whatever it is it's got to my brain and it's changing me for the better. So, yay!